As the sun dipped below the horizon and day gave way to night, Arindam found himself slowly stirring as the moon rose high into the sky. The night air was cold on Arindam's coat. Though the heat from the sun and the heat given on during their excursion had dried his fur of any remaining water, he felt chilled beneath the moon's glow. Lifting himself from his paws, he glanced around. Nothing of any consequence, save for the sleeping lioness to his left. Gintare. Beautiful, sweet Gintare. She didn't deserve what he was thinking of doing. She deserved something better than himself. He had a duty to uphold, a promise to a degenerate king. It wasn't about his father. It wasn't. It was about his poor brother. And it was about his mentor, the knight of a lion who had made him swear to honor his vows, to never back down from a fight, and to always protect Adhiraj.
He wondered if his old mentor would think him a scoundrel, for what he was about to do. Nonetheless, he couldn't do anything else. He had to find Adhiraj. For all he knew, by now, Adhiraj was lone since dead, the ground beneath him and the scavengers above having ate him down to bones. The thought made a shudder run down Arindam's spine.
No. He's not dead. Arin would know it deep in his heart if his brother had perished on the harsh unforgiving terrain, he just knew it. His brother was alive, somewhere. He just had to look harder. And that meant leaving the warmth of Gintare's fur. Though his heart wanted to stay, and settle, and maybe have some semblence of peace, he doubted Gintare would feel the same anyway. They'd only met once. It was something to remember, but it wasn't something permanent.
He wondered if he'd remember her longer than a few weeks. He couldn't imagine forgetting the warmth, the banter, the flirtacious nature. She was everything he found attractive all rolled into one bundle. It was extraordinary, finding a lioness like that. And though he liked to think he would never forget her smile, her eyes, the arch of her spine... He knew memory was relative. He could barely remeber what his dear friend Mzuka looked like, only a flash of bright fur and beautiful eyes. He could remember even less of his sisters and what they looked like. He couldn't even recall his own mother, only the dim, solemn glow in her eyes as she told him to run.
His sole mission in life was for his brother, and it left little else to be focused on in his mind. He sighed, and growled quietly, glancing at the water near them. He rose off the dusty ground and padded to the water, plopping down and looking at his reflection.
If he squinted he could see his brother's grinning face, goading him for even thinking of leaving such a hot piece of tail. He knew Adhiraj's thoughts on women, he could imagine they only grew more sordid as the lion grew older.
"What're you thinking, brother mine?" The reflection seemed to ask. He could even remember Adhiraj's voice, low and rough but still more youthful than his own. He allowed himself a small, sad smile, and glanced back at Gintare.
"She's gorgeous, Arin. C'mon, brother. Give up. You aren't gonna find me any time soon." He could practically hear it, it drove him mad. He reached up with one paw, scratching the spot between his eyes, and sighed.
"I don't know what to do, Adhi." He rumbled sadly, looking at the reflection. His reflection stared back at him, the weird mingling of himself and of Adhiraj.
"You know what you're gonna do." It seemed to say. "And I know what you're gonna do." It wasn't lying. Arindam knew he wouldn't be there in the morning. He barely knew Gintare, but he couldn't help feeling guilty skipping out on her this way. He sat by the water's edge for a while longer, trying to memorize the weird meshing of himself and what he imagined his older brother might look like. It was almost disturbing, how well he could make out Adhiraj's features when he hadn't seen his brother in so long.
Adhiraj had always been his opposite. He wondered if it remained true, if while Arindam had grown colder, more closed off, that Adhiraj thrived elsewhere, with friends, family, cubs...
He lifted off of his haunches after a while, solemn as he padded closer to the sleeping form. He sat down beside her, watching her sleep. The rise and fall of her side as she breathed, the relaxed face... She was peaceful. At ease. He, too, felt a certain peace that followed a night of affection. Smirking a little, he slid into his spot beside her and looked up at the stars, connecting the dots between them as he thought.
"I'm sorry." He said after a minute, his voice a low growl so he didn't wake her. "I didn't want it to be like this but..." He snorted quietly, turning his head to eye her sleeping form. "I have a brother. He needs me. More than you do. Strong, beautiful Gintare." He murmured, eyes softening as he looked her over, trying to commit her whole self to his memory so he wouldn't forget her.
"Adhiraj. That is what he's called." He snorted quietly. "He's a brat, and he's spoiled rotten. My sisters have all found mates and homes, but... Not Adhiraj. He's too proud. Too stubborn. And... And I need to find him." He muttered, looking at his paws. "He could be dead, for all I know. But I have to try. He deserves it. Hell, I've been trying so long, it's all I know how to do."
He looked over at Gintare. "When you wake up I'll be gone. Like a ghost. If I'm lucky, you'll think it was all a dream." He leaned over and nuzzled her carefully, trying desperately to avoid touching her too much. He didn't want her to wake and ruin his get-away. He hated goodbyes face to face. He'd even left his sisters' dens while they were all asleep, just vanishing like a phantom into the night. He leaned back after a minute, watching her sleep.
He pushed himself away, standing up, and turned around to face her.
"You gave me something fanastic, Tare. I won't forget your face." He grinned a little. "Or your smell. Or the way you looked, dark as night when your fur's wet." He snorted a little, looking her over, and sighed. "And if I keep babbling like some lovesick cub, I'm never going to leave." He stepped towards her, hesitation for a minute fleeting across his eyes, then stepped back.
"I hope we find each other again, Gintare. And if not... then I hope you find happiness in someone who deserves you. You deserve nothing less."
With his parting words, he stepped away and turned, walking past the waterhole it'd all started at and then picking up his speed. Soon he was running into the rising sun, away from one of the better nights of his whole life.
