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 Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 12:24 pm
The journey which should have taken only a few days lingered for much, much longer. Eventually Rap lost count how many times the sun had risen and fell. He dozed in and out of consciousness for many a day, stumbling in a stupor in the direction he thought was right only to find that he had drifted dramatically off course. At this point, his weakened state started to beat him and he was forced to halt his progress, taking shelter in an abandoned den that seemed as if it had been ransacked perhaps a few months ago.
Perhaps a mother and her cubs had lain there, alone and unknowing that their den had been found. Perhaps they were all dead now, too...
The wounds in his face aggravated him and the gash in his shoulder had refused to heal since his continuous walking. He hadn't eaten in days, pausing only to quench his thirst. His body was not up for hunting in any case and, as the time went on, he found his eyes constantly at the sky, seeking vultures to signify a carcass.
He found one eventually, mostly picked clean, and stripped the last of the bones of tough, tasteless meat. It was certainly not enough to still the gnaw of hunger in his belly, but it was enough to see him moving on again, leaving behind that ruined den and the ominous shadows that lingered there.
By the time he reached familiar lands he was skin and bones with infected wounds that had left him slightly feverish. If he'd had been unlucky enough to bump into a rogue male looking to pick a fight, it was certain he wouldn't have lasted a few seconds before being swiped out of this life and thrown into the next. Even still, here he was, alive but terribly weak. Certainly, anyone looking at him now would never have guessed that his ancestors were of the great and infamous Firekin pride.
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 12:49 pm
Approximately three weeks had gone by since Hakan'mawasii and Rap had left Kinagiri and Jino, and in those three weeks both pairs had suffered through a wide range of emotions. To Kina, it seemed it would take forever before Hakan returned. Her excitement and impatience impairing her perception of time. She'd only had a couple days this way before Jino confessed to the future he saw for the boys and then it was the dread of Rap's return to confirm the truth and the shock of loss that made the time drag by. After a couple more days, Jino had again more to tell her: she was pregnant. And then everything was one great big mess. Hakan not coming back was no longer a personal loss, it was a loss for his cubs. She would be alone to deal with this but they would not have him as they ought to have.
And suddenly there was something else to consider when Rap returned. If he knew, he would surely feel some obligation to stay with her and help her but he did not have the same ambitions that she and Hakan had shared. Kina did not want that, did not want to force him to stay. And so she had a decision to make, and so time had gone by much faster as she wavered between staying and leaving.
Ultimately, the desire to help Rap overrode the concern of risking her secret being discovered. Hakan had cared about Rap and though she could not see Hakan's future, she could see Rap's. He was not going to be returning whole. Three weeks was early enough into a pregnancy that she could give him time without being too obvious.
So Kinagiri and Jino were ready for Rap's return. They hunted and guarded their catch and they waited. When Jino could see Rap, Kina left him to protect the food and went out to meet Rap. Her stomach fluttered anxiously, not looking forward to seeing Rap in such a poor state or hoping her secret remained a secret.. and ultimately revealing the truth that she had hidden from them to start. For surely he would wonder why she was not surprised to learn what happened to Hakan.
Squinting out around her, Kina walked, watching carefully for the bright orange that would give Rap away from the surroundings. When she found him, she almost completely overlooked him in his poor, thin state. After hesitating a moment, watching him, she took a breath and headed out to meet him.
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 12:56 pm
He did not see her at first, for she blended in with the dizzying canvas of colours before his poor, tired eyes. And then, when finally he did spot her, he thought it a cruel trick of his imagination. Could it really be Kina? And...even if it was her...what should he say? It might have seemed an odd thing that, despite all this time it had taken him to reach this place, that he had not settled on what to say to her...
And, if it was Kinagiri...
She would already know that something was terribly wrong. He was in a poor state after all. And...alone. Very much alone.
Before he could even stop them; hot, painful tears brimmed in his eyes and he paused to rub his face against an outstretched foreleg, growling in frustration at his own lack of control. He'd always been an emotional creature, quick to joy, to anger or to sadness, but...he'd had time to grieve and...and Kina...
In his despair, he stumbled and collapsed, only half-raising himself to meet her. He lifted his head with difficulty - or so it seemed - and tried to focus in on his face.
"K-Kina." His voice sounded foreign and strange. Was it really his own? "Kina..."
Well...how to begin?
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 1:09 pm
Kina reacted quickly, prepared for these kinds of behaviors, for some of the reactions he could and would have when he got here and things started all coming together. Once he saw her and started trying to get up and speak to her, she picked up the pace and was at his side as he repeated her name.
"Rap," she said, "Rap, it's OK."
She pushed against him gently, trying to encourage him to lean back against her so they could move.
"We have food by the stream, we can talk there."
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 1:15 pm
It was okay? No. No it wasn't okay! It really wasn't...but...but... He shook his head, troubled, and allowed himself to be encouraged towards the stream. Food. Water. Perhaps then, after that, he'd be able to tell her...to tell her what he had done.
That he had...had led Hakan to his death.
He could not help a grunt of pain at the thought of it to pass his lips. Yet, even still, he managed to follow after her, content to use this time to try and put something in words...to get his mind to focus. To apologise for...for...
He shut off his thoughts if only to stop himself from breaking down again, finding himself quickening at the smell of food. Even still...no...it wasn't fair. She must have an inkling of what had happened, seeing him here alone and in such a state. He ought to say something.
"Kina." His voice sounded a little stronger that time. "I...I can't. I need to tell you...I..." He trailed, growling with frustration. "He's dead, Kina. He's dead and it's all my fault!" And there it was. The truth. Out in the open.
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 1:37 pm
She was prepared for him to argue, for him to be flustered and have a hard time getting out the information he needed to convey. What she wasn't quite prepared for was her own answer for it. She couldn't just brush it off, saying she knew could go one of the two ways and she wasn't sure about either. Her ears turned back and she frowned when he spit it out, shuddering now he had said it and the time to really react had come.
"Rap- I'm sorry," she said, staying where she was now and not trying to move them just yet, "It's not your fault, I know--"
This was harder than she thought it would be, and she had planned on it being difficult.
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 1:45 pm
"No!" He replied vehemently. "It is my fault, Kina! I've...I've been an idiot...such an idiot. I tried getting revenge for my mother...my brother...and by doing so, I lost a father, too." He closed his eyes, shaking with grief and anger at his own stupidity.
"This is all my fault...I...I shouldn't have lived. I should have been killed, too, but...but there was mercy...or cruelty...but that doesn't matter now. I killed him. It was me. I lead him there knowing what could happen and...and he saved me and...and what did he get? He got nothing!"
He shook his head again. "I just...If I hadn't been so stupid none of this would have happened. If I could have just let go." A tear finally worked its way free. "And it was all for nothing in any case...the Firekin...they didn't kill them. They...they didn't..." He was rambling now, knew he was possibly making no sense, but after all of this...after...he was almost expecting Kina to finish the job and end his life where the Firekin had not. He deserved it as far as he was concerned.
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 1:58 pm
Kina felt extremely sorry for Rap as he argued and rambled as he did. He blamed himself and she wasn't going to have an easy time swaying him on that. Immediately it become more important that she keep her secret from him, he didn't need that added guilt. It was absolutely certain that he would feel he had to stay because of it.. but would he recover fast enough that she could keep it secret? Perhaps knowing she and Jino could have seen it, thinking they could have prevented it.. perhaps that would be enough to make him want to leave them. Perhaps it would even give him someone else to blame.
"No, Rap, calm down," she choked, slowly losing whatever calm she had developed over the weeks, her resolve to help Rap and not let him find out more than he had to not helping her much.
"He wouldn't want you to die too," she said, her voice quieter once she found it again, "Come with me, we have food, we've been waiting for you to get back."
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:09 pm
Her tone of voice seemed to startle some sense back into him and, without another word, he moved on towards the scent of the food and the comfort that such a smell brought.
Even still, he was cursing himself for his words. Here he was pitying himself for such crimes when she...she had lost someone she cared for, too. It wasn't just him suffering with loss right now...and the realisation of it had the guilt suffusing deeper in him.
He finally set eye on the food and, though his belly craved it, he felt somewhat reluctant to eat. To keep living...
But what should he say to her? He glanced across at the female who Hakan had been so fond of, unsure what more to say in case he ended up making things even worse.
"He...he loved you." He finally choked, falling by the food and staring at it with both hunger and bitterness. "He really did."
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:23 pm
She was pleased when they started to move again, sighing her relief to be moving- hopefully this all was going to be the hardest part but it seemed doubtful that it would get any easier. She caught Jino's gaze when they found him but she stuck with Rap until he collapsed by the carcass. She moved around to the other side, sitting by Jino, not eager to sit where he might get a good look at the slight swell to her middle- mainly evident when she was sitting.
"I- I know," she murmured, glancing to Jino and then away from them both.
Jino had slithered back around to the prey when he saw Rap and Kina heading his way and then made sure he was opposite where the lions would stop. His eyes met Kina's when she came up and he looked to Rap. He was rather pitiful looking, he had the physical injuries to match the emotional suffering. He sighed when Rap spoke to Kina and Kina murmured back.. and moved forward to interrupt.
"Eat, Rap," he said, "We got this just for you."
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:33 pm
Her confirmation of knowing was enough to tip him over the edge again, tears threatening once more to break through the shell he had placed around himself. With a groan he draped a fore-paw across his wounded face in an attempt to hide his pain, though of course, it was an effort made in vain.
He was again, however, startled from his grief by the voice of the serpent. He'd almost forgotten the other part of the 'we' that Kina had spoken of. The snake had never really seemed that caring of them before. So why change his tune now?
Even still, Rap realised that they weren't about to let him decline the offer and reluctantly agreed. He ate ravenously but had to pause after a while, realising that much more and he'd be sick. Only then did he look across at them again, wondering what he should say or do now.
"I'm...I'm sorry."
A small word, but, he truly was sorry. His foolish actions had not only stolen his father from him, but a future mate and friend of Kina, too. And in his head he kept wondering, what would Hakan want him to do, now? What would he have wanted?
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:41 pm
Jino stayed near Rap while he ate, not going back near Kina, not wanting to make it any harder on her. He was ready for what he was going to have to do, eventually, but there was some time between now and then. This wasn't going to be easy for any of them, and Jino was only doing it because he did care about Kina.
He watched Rap eat and when he spoke, it wasn't to him so Jino watched silently.
"It's not your fault, Rap," she said, having considered his ramblings while he ate and now a bit more prepared for dealing with his guilt, "You can't control what other do, and you can't stop the influence you have on them either. You couldn't have stopped him. I'm sorry, too, Rap."
She sighed. Should she just encourage him to rest now or was it time to come clean about everything?
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:46 pm
He sighed, nodding after a time. "T-thank you. For...for the food. For...waiting..." He wasn't sure what else to say to her. He had a feeling that today was not the time to talk in any great depth about what had happened. He wasn't ready, for that matter.
It haunted him. How his need for revenge had driven him to do such a thing, to ignore the nagging feeling that something was wrong.
"I wasn't sure if...if you'd still be here, especially after all the time it took me to get here. I just...I lost my way and...walking was hard."
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 3:01 pm
Jino nodded when Rap thanked them, even if he was really speaking more to Kina than to him. He looked over to Kina thoughtfully, knowing what she was thinking without talking to her. Things would move more quickly if it all happened now, it would all be OK, in the end..
He slithered back around to Kina, curling around her leg.
"We told you we'd wait," he said, "And we knew what we were waiting for."
Kina was unprepared for Jino to take the lead in the conversation and she had half a mind to fling him off her leg when he spoke. He was jumping right into it, and while she knew Rap could probably figure it out if his mind was not clouded by grief, guilt and physical pain. She had gone out and found him without being surprised to see him, they had fresh food ready for him.. she'd said it was ok..
"Rap, we- I wasn't completely honest last time," she said, "I didn't realize until you had already gone- but even if I had before--"
She hesitated, glaring down at Jino as she sought the courage to say it.
"We're seers," she said finally, looking back from Jino to Rap, "I know what happened."
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 3:06 pm
He blinked. Knew what they were waiting for? Well...of course they did. They thought they were waiting for him and Hakan, although as time went on...they must have known that some ill-fate had befallen them. Surely they would not have waited much longer...surely not...
"Seers?" He repeated dumbly. He knew of them, of course. In fact there had been quite a few in the Safi, his sister included and...and...wait...!
"You know what happened? You knew...you knew what was going to happen? They...why?" He choked. "Why let us leave? Why not stop us if it would have saved his life?" He tried to stand, but couldn't, and had to make do with raising his head higher instead.
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