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 Posted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 1:01 pm
 AMITYVILLE ACADEMY ENROLLMENT FORM [[Color scheme not 100% what do you think is the orange strange? Also skull on her shoulde armor.]]
Name: Hazel Hollowclock
Nicknames: Zel, Sands, Hollowclock
Gender: Female
Age: Is 15, looks 15.
Faction/Race Reaper, Sandman :: Reapers who commonly live in or have strong ties to desert. They are known for knock-out sleep sand. (They don't use it battle...something about it being drug related...o 3o)
Personality:
Alright starting with the basics...
Self-conscience
Weary
Proud
Witty
Determined
Loyal
Balance
Why are they enrolled in Amityville Academy? Well funny you should ask, Hazel has wanted to go here since she was a young girl. She heard about it because of her father's talk about his heydays in high school here. It took a lot to convince him to let her go though...He's an old school Sandman and wanted a son to teach and have him go to this school. He loves her now, but as a child she had to fight for his attention, literally. Unsure of how others will react to her it's more of a protection thing now.
Natural Ability:
Sweet dreams: Ironically not always sweet, it lets her see glimpse of things to come, Prophetic dreams.
Warning :: The possibility of her seeing things that have no relation to her or anyone around her is a possibility and they are easy to forget when awake.
FEAR: Basically controlling sand is a very strong point for her. Just now her strengths are being able to see through her dust/sand storms she creates, right now she can be seen, but the opponent must focus and block around eyes or that sand might get annoying...Also her storms don't cover too much area basically someone's arm span and then a foot more or so around them.
By 3rd year she will be invisible and stealthy in her storms it will cover much more of the playing field and she can create sand tornadoes/dirt twisters whatever.
Water will be her biggest weakness: She needs a good friends she can practice with so she can understand it...Sand and water basically is muddy/heavy sand...It's no longer easy to move then...She either has to learn her way around it learn to use it.
Physical Description:
Eye Colour: White with black detailing and out side of the iris is a purple color. Actually all Sandmans have this trait of white eyes w/ detailing....that's how it's decided though outer colors can differ.
Hair Colour/Style: Offwhite, pale tan? It's a bit streaky...
Skin Colour: Very tan... naturally like that winter she's a bit paler..
Clothing Style/Colours: See ref...She likes detailed boots, hoods, long capes, and turtle necks.
Extra: JUST FYI...She looks tired constantly...it's ironically cause she doesn't sleep much at night..weird being a sandman and all and sleep and helping/causing others sleep is in her nature, but when she sleep she gets strange dreams usually Prophetic in someway. ((Sandman's natural power or whatever...others deal with it in different ways.))
Also she keeps warm sand in her boots...don't judge.
References:
Sandman bring me a dream ♪♫♪ Craptastic eye ref ♪♫♪ Sandworms <3 Old Design ♪♫♪ Chibi
Chibi ♪♫♪ Lined ♪♫♪ Chesarts <3
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Posted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 3:09 pm
I know! She needs more design~
Soooo You should help me with that. o 3o
Thanks too anyone who reads her over. <3
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 10:32 am
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 11:51 am
Hi! I'm...not any good with crit at all, like srsly. But I like the concept. :O
A tiny typo in Faction/Race. You put 'Samdman' instead of Sandman.
Maybe you could call her a Sandlady? :O Even if it's not an official thing maybe she just calls herself that? Since Sand'man-lady' is a bit of a mouthful and it almost makes her sound like..she's a man-lady. BOTH AT ONCE ONOES. XD It seems like it'd be simpler to just call oneself Sandlady since the guys get to be Sandman.
With her 'balanced' personality maybe elaborate on it a little more? What sports and stuff does she like? A good balance of smarts too? Does she enjoy studying then? Her pride, what happens when she gets too proud? Why is she proud of herself? :O Is it because she was the first Sandlady? Why does it weird her out to be depended on?
Just some elaboration would be fun, I think.
I...I have one thing about her appearance. It's super nitpicky I'm so sorry. XD It's not the design itself, more the description compared to the reference. But if you go by your eye description and your reference it doesn't match up with how you colored it. The sclera is the purple part in the picture, and the iris is what appears to be white. OuO;
Umm..that's all I can think of for now though! I think a female Sandman is a cool idea!
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 1:01 pm
THANK YOU SO MUCH. o 3o <333
A tiny typo in Faction/Race. You put 'Samdman' instead of Sandman.
Thanks for catching that. :3
Maybe you could call her a Sandlady?
Agreed. I think I shall do that. :3
With her 'balanced' personality maybe elaborate on it a little more?
Good to think about and I'll get in to writing on that more. >3
But if you go by your eye description and your reference it doesn't match up with how you colored it.
The sclera! I forgot what's it's called I said outside of the iris is purple and yes the iris is white. Thanks for pointing that out I'll fix it as well.
Umm..that's all I can think of for now though! I think a female Sandman is a cool idea!
<33 Thanks again. : D
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 4:19 pm
Just a few things... o3o One, when most people think Sandman, they think of this guy. It's cool that Hazel's power is a little more LITERAL sand, but you mention at the end that she also has some sleep/dream power? I think that would fall under Natural Abilities, and it could probably stand to be clarified a little. :3 If she has prophetic dreams, how exactly does that play out in RP? Two, her "Challenging" trait is a little bit troublesome to me. To have her be the ONLY Sandlady known by anyone, AND to have most of the faculty remember her father and the records he set... It's just setting her up as kind of, well, special? Maybe tone down one or the other of those things. I really like her design, though. Very cool-lookin'! Good luck!
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 5:40 pm
Tuatha De ...but you mention at the end that she also has some sleep/dream power? I think that would fall under Natural Abilities, and it could probably stand to be clarified a little. :3 If she has prophetic dreams, how exactly does that play out in RP?Yeah wondering about that myself, basically it won't be big things....maybe like what she wants for dinner (also technically for her first year it doesn't have to be anything about her.)and stuff and most of the time like most dreams she will forget if she doesn't think about when she first wakes up. Yeah natural ability dreaming and fear will be with sand....I didn't want her knocking out the opponent with sleepy-time sand. Two, her "Challenging" trait is a little bit troublesome to me. To have her be the ONLY Sandlady known by anyone, AND to have most of the faculty remember her father and the records he set... It's just setting her up as kind of, well, special? Maybe tone down one or the other of those things.Well there still is the option of being a sandMAN...and yes I should leave it opened ended as if a few more girls could jump on board, but I do want it to be known her father went here...it gives her a bit of backstory. I'll have to work on that too then. I really like her design, though. Very cool-lookin'! Good luck!Thank you so much I'll crit back one/both of your quest ASAP. :3
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Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 9:12 am
[[Updated && Changed.]] : D
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Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 12:33 pm
How would a babyboom explain the rise in chances to be a 'Female' Sandreaper? All it says is that a Sandman would have more female children in general, which doesn't explain a sudden rise in female spawn having a shot at it as well.
See: Genetics work in a certain way to allow certain 'results' to happen. Perhaps the female sandreaper thing has -always- had the same chance at happening, but it's sort of like the odds on a male calico cat: EXTREMELY rare. (Even though the genetics behind that applied to a Sandman directly would still turn out male, but shh. Just me explaining an alternative solution).
Perhaps there was a baby-boom in relation to an all-female race which mostly had female children of some sort and that was where the mix-up happened?
Right now that may need to be expanded on to keep her from sounding... ahh.. 'Special Snowflake'-y RARE FEMALE OF MY KIND thing. I touched on this with someone else's quest similarly in the past.
Loyal =/= Fickle. That jumps out at me as sort of a contradiction in personality. If she's 'Loyal' to someone, why wouldn't she help them? She sounds a little bit more self-reliant than 'fickle' (which would imply she's constantly changing her opinion/view about something...)
Natural Ability - .... i'm not following it. Is it something that effects HER directly or something she can inflict upon someone else?
Big Question: Why would her father be embarassed to have a Daughter as a Sandman? That's not something you can glance over in mention and then not expand on (As it's something that could possibly be a motivator for your character, though I'm not seeing it be used as one...)
Right now, I think you need to pick a major 'flaw' in her personality (a reason for people to dislike her beyond on some random willy-nilly stupid reason) to sort of 'GROUND' her character. She has a lot of 'positive', planting a big ol' 'NEGATIVE' in the middle of there will build on it. If that's what the self-reliant ('Fickle') thing was supposed to be, build on it and make her very -stuck- in this rut (So it will take more effort to pull out. It should weigh her down a little bit).
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Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 4:07 pm
Bah, that does make much more sense. Thanks, re working. o 3o
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Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 12:45 pm
o 3o Fiiinally fixed. ^.^;;;
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 12:33 pm
First off, I really like the concept, it seems very cool! o:
I just have some things I'd ... kind of like to see more detail on. XD
One, you say that babies of Sandmen have a chance to 'become' a Sandman. What are they if they don't become this, just a normal person? How does this transformation (as I'm reading it) happen..? Is it just, they wake up one day and BOOM their eyes have changed, etc or is there more surrounding it?
Example of my thoughts: It might be interesting if females were even more rare, BUT there's some kind of ritual that can be performed to make it more likely and maybe it's very difficult so not many females go through it. That way, you get that she's determined to be great etc but avoid the 'I was born special' cliche that pach was talking about. If her special status as a female Sandman is something she has personally -worked- for, it gives her a little more depth!
Also, it would be interesting to see more detail on her family/history - again to kinda flesh her out. Her father and his history at the school is mentioned, what about her mother? Siblings? Extended family, etc? Anyone else in her life before Amityville that could have an influence on her~
Okay another thing. If they're known for knock-out sleep sand, does she have some? And she just doesn't USE it in battle/very often? I would think if she's that competitive, she would use any advantage she could. If she just refuses to use it, why? She thinks it's 'dishonorable/cheating' etc etc. Or if she simply doesn't have any with her, why not? Maybe it's something a Sandman has to make/collect and she's not powerful enough yet to do that, or whatever. XD I'm just curious!
I do like her personality as you have it written, though. Mostly I'm interested in/curious about backstory things lol Good luck!
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:30 pm
One, you say that babies of Sandmen have a chance to 'become' a Sandman. What are they if they don't become this, just a normal person? How does this transformation (as I'm reading it) happen..? Is it just, they wake up one day and BOOM their eyes have changed, etc or is there more surrounding it?
They either are born Sandman races or whatever the other parents are.......As I say this out loud it sounds like a dur you either like your mother or father but umm yes I need to elaborate on this. I guess I'm basically saying boys will be like their father in this case, girls turn out with their mother's powers. :/
If her special status as a female Sandman is something she has personally -worked- for, it gives her a little more depth!
Very good thing to look into/try and figure out thank you. o 3o
Family?
Family and background needs work.
Okay another thing. If they're known for knock-out sleep sand, does she have some?
Yeah it's because her father used it once or twice in his third year and it could do some real damage.
She has some for sure and carries it with her everywhere because it's a security thing...[/Just thought of some more bg. Thank you] She doesn't use it because it's against the rules? ((Aka I don't want to be godmodding with this knockout stuff....maybe later years.))
THANKYOU. You've given me a bit to think/write on. <33
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:53 pm
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Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2011 3:30 pm
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