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[Q]-Sayid the Hameh - Crits Welcome

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Ryuthulhu

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 7:39 am


AMITYVILLE ACADEMY ENROLLMENT FORM

Name: Sayid
Nicknames: ((We'll see))
Gender: Male
Age: 16

Faction/Race Monster
Subspecies is a Hameh

Personality:
Although cheerful isn't the first word that would typically come to mind when someone says 'Blood Drinking Murder Bird", it's a pretty good description of the first impression many people have out of Sayid. This is sometimes followed by additional descriptive terms like 'arrogant' and 'not @*#^@ING funny.'. He'll admit to the first one, since he can legitimately say he's blood relatives to royalty (It counts, right? It totally counts.)... but he debates the second. Making people jump when he delivers his species famous blood curdling scream isn't just funny... it's HILARIOUS, and testing it out on other students is one of his favorite games. He rarely does this more than once, maybe twice if the reaction is really good, but he loves it too much to surrender the activity entirely. In spite of this one trait, he considers himself to be staunchly anti-bullying, and that attacking the weak and the 'innocent' (note that his ideas of this are... subjective.), is a trait of low minded creatures...

Especially for a monster, who's stereotype he fits poorly, he can come off as arrogant to a fault, vain and convinced of his own good looks. (His plumage is glorious, is it not glorious? Of course it is.) Surprisingly however he's aware that there is a difference between wanting the best and -deserving- the best. He is determined that he will deserve all the wealth of his dead 'parent' some day, but right now, while he covets and seeks out luxuries, that's what they are, luxuries, not rights.

He believes that every moment alive should be celebrated in some way, every emotion savored... but is also remarkably casual about death, without which he would not exist to begin with. This leads him to be a bit fearless, since he's less than concerned with the idea of dying, and pain, rather than the threat of death, will probably do more to encourage him to be less reckless with his person.

He loves a good story and a good hot drink, (the closer to the temperature of fresh blood the better.), and definitely adores fine fabrics. Embroidered silk is a favorite.



If he has one particular bias, it's anything snake related. Snake related monsters give him the heebie-jeebies, probably because of the tendency of many 'real' snakes to eat birds. Naga, Gorgons, and Quezalcoatl... he can't get comfortable around them, though creatures with only incidental snake like traits don't bother him quite so much. It particularly doesn't help if the species in question actually -does- eat birds, and trying to so much as joke about nibbling on a feather or claw is right off the table of acceptable behavior.

He's actually a little impatient to get his chance to enter the other world and fulfill his purpose, which for him is like having an itch you can't scratch, but he's well aware that he'll best get vengeance if he's skilled enough to take it, at least as long as his target doesn't pass on without him. That would be rather disappointing, since he's not entirely sure what he'll do afterward either. There doesn't seem to be a guide book for this sort of thing, and he's hoping that school will give him some pointers.

His impatience to fulfill his purpose and failure to fear death bleeds into his other behaviors. He attempts to be patient, even zen like, but his meditative attempts to be thoughtful and still are usually interrupted by high speed finger tapping, sighing, and intermittent preening. He slows down to rest, but loves to be doing something, anything...just to be doing, and fixates on activities that prevent him from feeling as though he were doing nothing. Even a single cup of tea can become the fixed point of his attention, just to be doing something.

Having grown up with Reapers, and not being bothered by ghosts means he may well not fit in with some other Monsters, and he envies those with natural shapeshifting traits, and he'll take distinct offense with other students who hear 'monster' and think he's just crass and boorish. (Although he does approve of a good party.) So there are definitely places where he'll have trouble finding exactly how he fits into the bigger picture, but he's sure that when he gets his wings straightened out, he'll soar, literally and metaphorically.




Why are they enrolled in Amityville Academy? Sayid, as a young Hameh, is out to hone his skills to do his duty, and also, he has to admit, to hone other skills to make sure he has something to do afterward. He was born to take the life of someone who murdered a prince, surely these skills will apply to further scare-tactics?

FEAR: "Iskoonee" ((Named for the Hameh's cry, which means "GIve me Drink")): Sayid, like a vampire, drinks blood, and although his thirst will only be truly 'quenched' by the target he was made to destroy, he's happy enough to try and take a drink from anyone with blood. This 'fear' obviously works very poorly against creatures that have another substance in alternative to blood, very toxic blood, or no blood at all.
Later, when he's more trained in using his natural arsenal, his bird like talons will come into play, and he'll use them to draw blood from, and injure, students weather or not they're safe to drink from.

It's questionable if his ability to track a victim can be trained to apply to others. ((Probably not while he's a student.))

---Natural Ability: As a vengeful 'Death Peacock' , I'd have to say probably flight, if currently limited since he's still young.
((Truthfully I picture a bird form Hameh as not a true visual match for a peacock, but as a startling and predatory cousin, combining some of the flash, and plumage with sharp talons and an sharp beak, making them both elegant and dangerous.))

Physical Description: Dark skinned, rather Middle eastern, with a very white, amused grin, Sayid is a wiry young man, but not as breakable as one might imagine him to be, similar to the deceptive delicacy of a swan or crane. He's lean but muscled so a closer study would reveal to the observant that he's not going to break at a casual blow, though his taste for elaborate clothing may draw the eye away at a casual glance. If someone wants to make the mistake of thinking he's a delicate little murder-bird, Sayid isn't going to correct them, he'll let them figure it out for themselves.
His wings especially are particularly powerful, he's a large bird, and it takes strength to get that off the ground. Although it would seem like an obvious route to attack his wings to keep him on the ground, someone doing so may find themselves tossed about, bruised and battered at a greater extent than they might expect, assuming they haven't had the experience to know how strong a flight-capable birds wings can be.

Bird Form: As above, the startling cousin of a predatory bird and a peacock, Sayid sports elaborate plumage, primarily in vibrant greens and purples. Both his wings and long tail are almost gaudy with eye marks, similar to a true peacock, but the peacocks poor flight ability has been replaced by an more powerful, streamlined hunters body, and accessorized with a sharp beak and wicked talons, all the better to grip their destined prey and drain their life.

Eye Colour: Red brown like drying blood
Hair Colour/Style: Black, redish highlights
Skin Colour: Middle Eastern
Clothing Style/Colours: Sayid favors black splashed with rich, peacock like colors and delicate details, and wears anything he puts on like a prince's robes.
Extra: Purple and Green feathers, possibly ornate wings.
References: See Ende's drawing


-------

History:
As a variant of the original myth, Sayid was formed from the fear of an prince growing up in a highly war torn state, growing up deeply paranoid, and for good reason. Murder was definitely on someones mind. Repeated hints, and attempts, caused the fear to build and grow, forming in a Pumpkin, and becoming so intense that when the Prince in question was actually felled by his murderer, the fear, the thoughts of vengeance and murder, and the final touch being the fear of death, all came together to bring a tiny, feathery ball of Vengeance Seeking Murder Bird into Halloween. (so cute.)

Hameh being a fairly uncommon race (how many murdered princess can you name off hand?), he was raised not by other Hameh, but by a Reaper, the same one who went for the residual fear left from the Murdered Prince. Sayid views the victim of the murder as one parent, and the murderer as the other, and the Reaper as sort of a kind aunt or uncle. Not a parent, but an important part of his life.


As such he tends to be interested in and somewhat fond of Reapers in general, and treats many of them, even the ones who had nothing to do with his fledgling days, as sort of distant cousins and uncles.
Although while he treats most reapers as if they were related in passing, he speaks of the murderer as one might refer to a parent, even with a slight degree of fondness. His eventual desire to drink the murderers blood, he treats as though he were waiting to give his 'parent' a warm embrace.
He wouldn't exist, after all, had a crime not been committed, regardless of how much his 'parent' may hope he doesn't exist at all. In spite of this (rather creepy) fondness for his living parent, he doesn't seem particularly conflicted about the idea that he exists to kill him (or her). After all, it's only death, and the crime needs to be punished after all. If the murderer should happen to become a ghost, he even knows plenty of reapers who will be happy to ferry him back to Halloween, and they can work out the details of their bizarre 'relationship' then, once the business aspect of everything has been completed.
As far as he's aware, (and he may be wrong), his dead 'parent' did not become a ghost, but moved on, though he doesn't blame him for this. Being murdered, he figures, is probably rather stressful, and Sayid pictures himself as independent enough to deal without.

He's certain he'll know his target on sight, and is drawn to them on a gut level, but otherwise the human world is rather beyond him. .


User Image Sketch by Endejester!
PostPosted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 8:07 am


Hmmm... Love the appearance! But... Wouldn't you rather sign up that sub - species? B

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Ryuthulhu

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 1:06 pm


Some thoughts from Skye:
Quote:
I could also imagine, with the way that it's worded, that a Hameh is born as the last thoughts of the one murdered (brains) take on a bit of a gaseous form outside of the body... And then feed off of the blood of the murdered as its first feast, so to speak, before it takes on a solid form.
From there it hungers for the blood of the murderer, but finds that any blood will do until that blood can be found. XD I'd also be likely to say that the Hameh often likes to torment those who have done a wrong moreso than those who are innocent.
PostPosted: Sat Oct 09, 2010 4:18 pm


Hey, Ryu! I think that Sayid is a really solid concept and his powers and appearance are really nice. However, his personality is pretty bare bones and could do with some revision and clarification.

Quote:
Sayid is fairly cheerful for an blood drinking bird creature born out of murder, and and he's not above trying to get a rise, or a start, out of fellow students with his blood curdling cry.


You lost me after the comma. I get that he's an easy going guy, but I can't tell if your intent is for him to be confrontational, or just a bit of a prankster. At any rate, easy-going and confrontational are slightly exclusive traits, so you might want to lengthen the description and make your exact intention clearer.

Quote:
He's actually a little impatient to get his chance to enter the other world and fulfill his purpose, which for him is like having an itch you can't scratch, but he's well aware that he'll best get vengeance if he's skilled enough to take it, at least as long as his target doesn't pass on without him.


Maybe it's the nyquill talking, but I'm not exactly sure I understand what's going on in this sentence. (Some of the problem being that it's all one sentence. Breaking unrelated or tangentially related ideas up is a your friend!) So he's impatient, but he's going to school because he knows he needs training. Cool.

But a friendly and impatient prankster needs a few more attributes. What are his hobbies? How does he get along with other students? This might be an arbitrary statement, but two sentences is way too short to fully describe this character. Give him a bit more to do and to work with and it'll all come together. smile

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Avid_RPer18

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 09, 2010 6:51 pm


I'd like to see maybe some expansion of his personality. How does he interact with others, aside from trying to startle them from time to time? Does he have any hobbies or favorite past times to occupied himself with or is he so consumed with his purpose to seek out his intended target that socialization and extracurricular activities fall by the wayside?

I like his princely appearance, which makes sense seeing as who he came from.

And that's my two cents for you. ^^
PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 11:09 am


-updated this a while ago, think I covered most issues(?) But still open for extra pairs of eyes. heart

Ryuthulhu

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nekoluch

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 3:43 pm


He's definitely a creature that would be beautiful to see and I like the eye-for-an-eye dealie he's got goin' on ... but I have to wonder about the history blurb. I was a bit confused about the science-egg analogy? o.o I'm not quite sure what is being implied by it. Maybe a different example?
Also, the sentence following that is rather long. Perhaps cut it in two or three so that the point gets across more smoothly :3 I see what you are trying to say, but it's difficult to read the way it is right now.
PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 4:00 pm


Until I can think of something better I'm keeping the science class egg-hatchery ((It was a joke we came up with because of the science classes where kids sometimes raise chickens in an incubator.))

I spaced out the rest of the history a bit, hopefully it reads slightly more clearly now.

Thanks!

Ryuthulhu

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bobaTJ

PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2010 5:21 pm


I am in love with this subspecies like you can't even imagine. If I was just a little meaner I would totally steal it. Sheer force of will is all that's keeping m from it. His design is beautiful, even if I'm totally biased toward green/purple.

Now I will proceed to nitpick my a** off to help you, because it took me so long. I'm so sorry about that! I was making a journal and then the minipets and just... I'm sorry. xD;

ANYWAY.

Personality: When you said he's "fairly cheerful" for a murder-bird, are you serious or being sarcastic? He definitely doesn't seem all that nice to me, but I wasn't getting a serious sarcasm vibe. Also, he doesn't like bullies, but he enjoys scaring other students? Is it supposed to be conflicting? If so, you should probably mention it. :3

Fear: You say he later uses his talons... but what does he use before then? Does he have a weapon? Fangs? His sharp fingernails? Also, why is it called "Iskoonee" if it has nothing to do with the cry itself? Or does he draw blood with his cry somehow? Are there chances of him missing, like by dice roll, or is it an always-hit with different amounts of damage?

Natural: Just as a side note, peacocks really can't fly all that well. They've been known to fly up to perches or flutter about, but they can't really fly long distances like a normal bird. B:

Physical: He's thin but strong, but which way does it go? Is he leanly muscled, like there is definition beneath his close, or is he sinewy in that his muscles aren't visible at all? Would he wear real peacock colors (teal, yellow, blue, green...!) or different shades of purple and blue?

History: I'm a bit confused about his feelings toward the murderer. Is he truly fond of them? If so, does he not want to kill him, but is obligated to by duty? If not, is it conflicting emotions (fondness and loathing) or a dark, creepy feeling that just comes across as fondness? When it comes to his birth, I'm curious. I know he was hatched in a lab, but how did he exist, exactly? Did someone form him from gore? Did he roll out of the prince's head, or form there? Did he just appear in the room/world/somewhere else entirely? That's just my own curiosity hurr
PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 5:31 am


Worked some more details in, I think the history probably still needs some work, but I'll take another gander at it later today. Hopefully this answers some questions though and makes him a bit more filled out. heart

Ryuthulhu

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Ryuthulhu

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 2:22 pm


Since this is a two year old thing and I can see giant flaws glaring at me like the eyes in a peacock tail... I'm reworking this and giving it a nudge so I can find it better.
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