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Name: Barbara Lonko

Nicknames: Barbie

Age: 17

Gender: Female

Sign: Virgo

Birthday: 30 August

Birthstone: Peridot

Blood type: B

Fav. foods: Coffee, smoothies, broccoli, chocolate soy drink.

Hated food: Corn and popcorn; Allergic to it, sticks to your teeth, tastes horrible, why does it even exist?

School: Meadowview

Hobbies:

Fashionista-
She just loves fashion. When she sees a shirt she likes, she must have it. At any circumstance. Even if it means stepping on a few faces. Barbara isn't embarrassed to be a critique about someones fashion sense or taste. When she gets tired of it, or -gasp- even worse, she sees some one ELSE with the same clothes, she just gives them to a charity or sell them on the market. She doesn't like wearing makeup though. She thinks that a person shouldn't wear it because they should be judged on their ability to match clothes than the ability to put on mascara and eyeliner. She will, only, on occasions, put on lipstick and nail polish. That is the only makeup she owns.

Jewelery Making-
Barbie doesn't only wear stuff she sees in stores. No. She makes necklaces, bracelets, and earrings in her spare time. The fashionista takes great care to not have any colors clash or make it too gaudy and unappealing. She will either give it to her friends or sell them. She would make any fine piece if you would ask her, of course, at the right price. Her specialty is carving faces onto jewelry.

Entrepreneur-
She is a mini business woman. Her schedule consists of putting up clothes she has already wore on eBay and selling her jewelery at the marketplace. She is just preparing herself for when she grows up and becomes a business woman.

Virtues:

Focused-
Once she sets her mind on something, it will be pretty difficult to change her mind. If she ABSOLUTELY wants that cute skirt in that shop over there, she will probably wrestle over for it. She wants to up her grade a little? She will cram like no other!

Charitable-
She is a good Samaritan. She spends her free time to work in kindergartens, volunteers herself to help the elderly, and far more importantly, since her dad brings her frequently to his business trips, she gives away her clothes. Either because she is disinterested in them, or she saw someone else (Le gasp) with the same outfit. She likes the warm feeling she gets.

Friendly-
She won't hesitate giving advice to random people. She enjoys having an active social life and multiple friends. She is not one to just let pass someone with clashing colors and bad fashion sense (or at least what she thinks is). Barbara doesn't like to be hated by people, of course, unless the person that is hating on her, she hates him in reverse.

Flaws:

Arrogant-
When it comes to ideals, Barbie thinks that hers are the "right" ones. She might go on a rant for hours on how she thinks how you should put on a shirt. If a person says that it is wrong, she will glare menacingly at said person before changing the subject. Just don't try to argue with her. Your might get scared by her glare... Barbara will normally not listen to you if it is contradictory to what she believes unless you have concrete evidence on it... Thank god she is atheist...

Attention-Seeker-
She might be able to give out advice, but she depends on others to feel good. Miss Lonko needs the presence of other human beings to feel good about her. Really. Without other people to tell her how awesome and great of a person she is, she will experience a big drop in self-esteem. Barbara WILL, without hesitation, cling onto you until you say that she is great if you don't answer a question like that. Without. Letting. GO. She loves having all eyes on her, but will sometimes give it to a good friend.

Perfectionist-
She is a person that wants everything to be to her liking. If she is capable of doing it, of course. If a set of clothes don't match, she won't stop thinking about it and staring at the person. What if paint on a wall is clashing with the furniture, she just can't stay calm. A sentence badly said? Cold glare from her to your lips. She just won't let you go until you fix whatever problem she finds with you.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Light Green

Hair: Long, black hair that's curly at the end.

Face: Round.

Clothes: A few of her jewelry. Maybe a bandana with rhinestones.

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Senshi: Sailor Messier, Senshi of Jewelry

Challenge: Check out the Bling.

Fuku Colour:
Main Color: Fuchsia
Secondary Color: Light Yellow

Fuku:
Just be sure to give her a lot of jewelry. wink

Attacks:

Sailor Scout Attack: Conju-ring (get it?)
She will hold her hand out and say "Conjuring ring" and a ring will appear. She can only produce one ring each battle and each ring can make a shield that can withstand 1 blow. Afterwards, it will disappear. Anybody can wear it and have the same effect. The color will depend on the character (A human will have a red colored shield, a Senshi will have a pink colored shield, a Nega will have a purple colored shield and a cat will have a blue colored shield).

Super Sailor Scout Attack: Rings Galore!
Same as above, except now she has the choice of either making one ring that can withstand 3 blows, or 3 rings that can withstand 1 blow each.

Eternal Sailor Attack: Friendship is Magic
She puts her hands out and closes her eyes. The friendship necklace glows. One by one, the ornaments on them will disappear. Each charm counts as 1 seconds and she has a total of 20 charms. Unlike other protective attacks, it won't weaken if she uses it on more than one person. It's power is actually based on the other person's trust in Messier. For example, if the person has little to no trust in her, the attack will last only 20 seconds, but, if the person has even a slight trust in her, the shield can last 3 seconds more. She can only use it on 3-4 people only, counting herself.

I'll give this a go.

First of all, please put your quest through spell check. There are a ton of spelling and grammar errors that need to be fixed so that others can read your quest a little easier.

You gave us one line of information on a lot of your points on this character. It needs to be fleshed out a lot more for us to understand who she is and how she operates. She is very flat and there isn't enough info for a lot of us, I think.

For her "fashionista" hobby, why does she love clothing so much? How does she get the money to afford this hobby? Does she donate her clothing when she's done with it? Is she obsessive about it?

For "karate", she can break someone's arm? Really? Sure she needs to defend herself, but has she been doing this long? For those of us who don't know anything about karate, how high/low is a green belt?

Is her being focused a double-edged sword? She studies in school, which is good and apparently she'd beat down someone for a skirt, so this reads as a neutral personality trait rather than a virtue. I think she needs more positive features to this trait.

The same goes for "lovable" - WHY? What's that 'special something' that she seems to have? Is she personable with people? Friendly? We need a lot more information about this virtue.

Perfectionism doesn't read as a flaw - we get one line about it and it doesn't read as bad. Does she become late for school when she's getting ready because it has to look perfect? Do her assignments get turned in late so she can put hearts above all of her i's?

You have no attacks listed, so there's nothing to critique. neutral Maybe she uses a scarf she wears to bind someone, or she could do something with her boots or jewelry?

In short, a lot more information is needed for anyone to get an idea of how your character operates.

Okay, how about we work out the attacks first, and then we can tackle personality?

I'm worried about Fashion as a sphere first off, since that's a REALLY difficult power sphere to define and make attacks for -- how do you make senshi abilities based off of "things that are popular for people to wear?" The attacks you have down right now don't have enough to do with this concept to work.

I'd recommend changing the sphere to something like "Cloth" or "Jewelry" so you can still have the theme you want but making attacks can be easier.

If you go the jewelry route I have a couple suggestions for you (I have no idea if they'll work well or not though).

You know how you can get charm bracelets with multiple charms, that all have different meanings? Maybe she can have a magic charm bracelet (addings charms as she grows?) and each has some sort of effect? Although that might be more charm-related than jewelry, however a senshi of charms (i.e. lucky charms/talismans) would be pretty cool too. That or you could have a different piece of jewelry as she grows, that do something.. like ring-> bracelet-> necklace.

Maybe something like a "friendship" necklace that can be given to someone in battle to protect them?

Or perhaps she can have a pendant necklace that does something, like be used as whip?

In some cultures jewelry can have certain meanings, like in Celtic and some Norse cultures wearing a Torc (a ring-like choker necklace) is a symbol of power and strength. There's lots of symbolism about rings (wearing a ring on a certain hand or fingers have different meanings too).
Maybe you should look into some of the rituals/meanings of jewelry? (this might help you, it has a couple neat stories about jewelry in myth. And! Harmonia, Sigurd and Freyja are all asteriods! they might be cool altnerative names. There's also a "ring" nebula Messier 57 , as well as one called "Hubble" 1925 III. They're both really pretty.)

Just a few things to think about! Like I said, I'm not sure if they'll work out for you. But, I thought I'd make the suggestions anyways!

I do like Friendship necklace.

bump for luck

ON THE CIVILIAN:

Virtues are fine, but flaws need a little work.



What happens if things aren't perfect? Does she get upset? Does she miss out on hanging out with friends because she is trying to get the stitch just right in her new pair of pants? Please expand this.



These two sentences are not enough to describe this trait, and the second sentence doesn't appear to have anything to do with the first. You'll need to clarify this before I can fully critique it. Make sure you give different examples of when she was selfish, and keep the bit about her charity work being just as much about making herself feel important as it is about giving people in need a hand.



Her FOCUSED and FRIENDLY virtues are written in such a way that suggests Barbara is confident in herself, especially if she is also entrepreneurial. I think DEPENDENT could definitely be a flaw for her, but the way it is written now is too polarized. If she is the type to openly dispense advice to people, as you have written, then I find it hard to believe that she is incapable of making decisions without other people.

I think it might fit more with the profile if you focus this more on how she is dependent on the approval of others and how that can make her weak.

ON THE SENSHI:

For regular, I don't think she should summon three "energy" rings (these rings should not be real items that remain behind after they have been used) if only one actually has any power. And you should choose an effect: power boost OR one-hit shield. Also -- if a Nega puts it on, will it work? And in a single battle, can she conjure one of these rings more than once? You should define all of that.

For super, the same criticism as above applies. If you establish that she does shielding rings, then I would keep with that. Perhaps at this level, she creates rings that are able to withstand two hits and that is what the step up is. Again, she should only summon useful rings, and you should specify the total number she can make in a single battle.

For eternal, the attack is too broad. It is okay for her to have a shielding move that protects 3-4 people, and it is even okay that the shield is strengthened by the amount of trust those friends have in her. But the stages that you have outlined just cover too much ground! To simplify it, I would simply say that her shields for friends typically last 20 seconds, but if they have trust in her, they can last 5-10 seconds longer.

I hope this helps!

An eternal attack that can heal all wounds, repair all internal bleeding, and cure cancer is way too overpowered, even if you only intend to use it once in a solo. It will have to be taken out of the profile!

Way to stick with this profile, uriman. It looks as if you made all the changes that Akina and Mouse suggested!