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 Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 4:48 pm
Feeling under the weather? Coughing up a lung? Crapping up (or out rather) something that resembles your gray matter and you don't know what to do about it? Look no further than your very own Dr. Alenko! With the same credentials* as the subway famous Dr. Z, all you have to do is post what ails ye and Dr. Alenko will recommend what you might want to try to remedy the situation. *The credentials that the subway famous Dr. Z and Dr. Alenko hold are none, and let it be noted that the subway famous Dr. Z is a dermatologist and not a general all-around net doctor like Dr. Alenko.
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Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 4:53 pm
Dr. Alenko Says: Alright, listen up you Army grunts. Let's get this straight: I. Do. *NOT*. Have. Any. Drugs. If I did I would surely sell them to street junkies instead of you saps-I mean grunts- in order to get a nice fat profit and possibly consider getting my M.D. as a Street Doctor. Wait, did I said the unintentional part out loud? Whatever. ANYWAY, if there's one thing I actually feel obliged to do to help you sap-GRUNTS- out (as if I believed in that hypocritical oath or something), it's to look out for that German - I'm sorry, "GERMAN" *makes huge sarcastic air quotes*- psych quack. Christ, what a nut. She seems to think that she's a real talking doctor or something. At the sight of my other practice, I managed to conduct a bit of a 'medical experiment' on Von Faruline last I saw her, but after discovering that "Germans" seem to have pink squishy insides, the nutter seemed to have run off. So with any luck she won't show up, but my luck being she'll find my new "offices" here. In the meantime, line up grunts and I'll get medical-ing.
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Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 12:20 pm
Well, Dr. Alenko, any cure for dizzy spells and prone-ness to falling out of seat?
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Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 6:53 pm
Dr. Alenko Says:Stop drinking so much! But if ceasing your alcoholism is too much for you, get one of dem HALOs or whatever that head scaffolding is called bolted to your head and belt yourself to your bar stool so that you may continue your alcoholism without the fear of things moving about all around you. (truth be told, I have pretty much the same problems and no doctor could really tell me the cause of it all or what to do about it. Best answer I got was that I was getting up from a prone/sitting position too fast.)
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Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 2:27 am
twisted Mmmm Dr. Alenko sir... I have a problem... I think to much, I can't help it and when I do I always mess something up by over analyzing a situation and ether psyching myself out or giving myself head aches any cures that have nothing to do with drugs, (medicinal or other wize), or alcohol. I made and oath of sobriety. sweatdrop soren_alenko Dr. Alenko Says:Stop drinking so much! But if ceasing your alcoholism is too much for you, get one of dem HALOs or whatever that head scaffolding is called bolted to your head and belt yourself to your bar stool so that you may continue your alcoholism without the fear of things moving about all around you. (truth be told, I have pretty much the same problems and no doctor could really tell me the cause of it all or what to do about it. Best answer I got was that I was getting up from a prone/sitting position too fast.)
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Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 5:25 pm
Dr. Alenko Says:What's this 'sir' crap you're pulling here boy-o? Why I otta... *evil grin* How about you try this syringe of totally legit drugs? *snicker* They won't turn you inside out, I'm- Dr. Alenko, Psychologist Says: *bitchslaps Dr. Alenko aside* *In a vaguely German accent* Nine, nine, nine el doktorv. Diz iz ay talky-talky timez prozelembs for meez. Das minez tives to do da fixy-fixy! Ja, derz iz bat oves savulsonz for da - high price talken tives wiv meevs! Dr. Alenko Says:Git on back to your shallow Jersey grave! Dr. Alenko, Psychologist Says:*in what apparently passes for a German accent* Nevars! He-hehehehe!
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Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 5:29 pm
Doctor, ever since I've rejoined as the UGMF liaison I have had this huge rash up on (and probably in, taken the amount of rashiness) my arm. Would you please tell me how to get rid of it?
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Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 7:13 pm
Dr. Alenko Says: Oooo, getting it on with the ladies, huh? Bow-chika-wow-wow! Bow-bow! Bow-chika-wow-wow!
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Posted: Sun May 29, 2011 5:40 am
I hunger for a Klondike bar...
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Posted: Mon May 30, 2011 4:46 pm
Mmm Dr. I'm sorry if you don't like being called sir stare But while I was contemplated the amount of energy it must have taken the tree I was staring at to grow such strong bark I was attacked from behind (I was suppose to be keeping watch crying ) As a result I can't quite find where I've placed my kidney and I don't feel to well...What should I do?
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Posted: Mon May 30, 2011 5:18 pm
Nyuka Mmm Dr. I'm sorry if you don't like being called sir stare But while I was contemplated the amount of energy it must have taken the tree I was staring at to grow such strong bark I was attacked from behind (I was suppose to be keeping watch crying ) As a result I can't quite find where I've placed my kidney and I don't feel to well...What should I do? I just bought a kidney from this shady doctor looking fella. Want it? Haven't eaten it yet, so I guess you can have it.
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Posted: Mon May 30, 2011 6:50 pm
Imortal Sam R I I hunger for a Klondike bar... Dr. Alenko, Psychologist Says:*'German' accent* Ja, dassen sucht yavs hazzen deres. Verrrrrdey servedus. Onnvey cure iz talken timves. Imortal Sam R I Nyuka Mmm Dr. I'm sorry if you don't like being called sir stare But while I was contemplated the amount of energy it must have taken the tree I was staring at to grow such strong bark I was attacked from behind (I was suppose to be keeping watch crying ) As a result I can't quite find where I've placed my kidney and I don't feel to well...What should I do? I just bought a kidney from this shady doctor looking fella. Want it? Haven't eaten it yet, so I guess you can have it. Dr. Alenko Says:Goddamnit, the deal was it *didn't* come from me, and that formerly white powder is from *cake*, not cocaine. And you said it was for your vampire goat to feast off of! You can't just give it back to that of which it came!
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Posted: Mon May 30, 2011 10:21 pm
xp Oooh please put it back, this already happened before... whee ...besides I NEED to figure out why everyone is talking as if hinting something important. gonk .....Should my cat be talking to me? soren_alenko Imortal Sam R I I hunger for a Klondike bar... Dr. Alenko, Psychologist Says:*'German' accent* Ja, dassen sucht yavs hazzen deres. Verrrrrdey servedus. Onnvey cure iz talken timves. Imortal Sam R I Nyuka Mmm Dr. I'm sorry if you don't like being called sir stare But while I was contemplated the amount of energy it must have taken the tree I was staring at to grow such strong bark I was attacked from behind (I was suppose to be keeping watch crying ) As a result I can't quite find where I've placed my kidney and I don't feel to well...What should I do? I just bought a kidney from this shady doctor looking fella. Want it? Haven't eaten it yet, so I guess you can have it. Dr. Alenko Says:Goddamnit, the deal was it *didn't* come from me, and that formerly white powder is from *cake*, not cocaine. And you said it was for your vampire goat to feast off of! You can't just give it back to that of which it came!
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Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 5:36 pm
Nyuka xp Oooh please put it back, this already happened before... whee ...besides I NEED to figure out why everyone is talking as if hinting something important. gonk .....Should my cat be talking to me? Dr. Alenko Says:Stealing my experiments of duct taping walkie talkies to animals for the CCCP are you? HARPIE! And no! Anything I do, I don't undo or fix. What do I look like, a certified doctor?
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Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 8:51 pm
Do you feel that eek Aaaaa the world is spinning too fast we are going to fall off hurry grab on to something. *Nyuka grabs a tree in fear of falling off the earth...the earth remains still* AAaaa Dr hurry my cat said that if we don't hug trees we will float away. xp soren_alenko Nyuka xp Oooh please put it back, this already happened before... whee ...besides I NEED to figure out why everyone is talking as if hinting something important. gonk .....Should my cat be talking to me? Dr. Alenko Says:Stealing my experiments of duct taping walkie talkies to animals for the CCCP are you? HARPIE! And no! Anything I do, I don't undo or fix. What do I look like, a certified doctor?
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