|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 6:26 pm
this is a poem i wrote about someone i truly think I'm in love with. critique? praise? thoughts?
*** Well I love everything about you From the way you stand To the way you always fidget with your hands How you push your hair back when you talk And unconsciously slouch when you walk
How you run around when you're excited how you claim to love the dark But still prefer the room to be lighted To all the nerdyness that you are And how you're the only person who can see my scars
People say that you're crazy Well maybe you are But you're amazing Yes you're amazing
And your love of going against the crowd Honestly, it makes my heart pound Your cute little sneakers Propped up against the bleachers Sitting there Waiting for me
Our hour long conversations When half the time we have nothing to say You know me; and all my complications Your calm voice on the phone Your excited voice when you're at home I love everything about you
People say that you're crazy Well maybe you are But you're amazing Yes you're amazing
I've never been in love before But now I know I am And by the way, do you know I went insane when you held my hand?
People say that you're crazy Well maybe you are But you're amazing Yes you're amazing ** thanks smile
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 9:35 pm
Other than starting off with "well" I liked it. The word "well" gives an uncertain start to a poem, not strong.
But otherwise I like it, I have very little talent in writing razz
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 12:06 pm
Very cute. It's well articulated and relateable.
I especially liked this part: "How you push your hair back when you talk And unconsciously slouch when you walk"
My only problem was this line: "And how you're the only person who can see my scars"
I don't have a problem with the line itself but I think it's a little out of place. The majority of the poem described the light and fluffy feelings of love, but that line is much deeper. I think maybe you should either expand upon the deepness (possibly add something about how you love him for the good as well as the bad) or just remove that line completely.
Other than that, I think it's great (though I do agree with Dressia about the "well")
I hope to see you post more work in the future. smile
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|