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Hes a Trap

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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:50 pm

Gone check out my other quest.

Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 9:19 pm

Your Personality Traits are good and quite original without contradicting each other. I love the thought you put into his name and that you will be putting a colorful creature into a dark and dismal world of fright.

I can't say anything on FEAR since...well, there's nothing there.

I would like to hear more of his background however since I feel an unusually large gap after reading this profile that is unlike gaps I have felt in those of others. We know how he is but why and how did he come to be? Who is his creator and who tore his wings off before? Did they grow back or did his 'father' make new ones. What type of Construct is he--Magical or like Frankenstein's Monster?

Souru

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Hes a Trap

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Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2010 1:42 am

Thank you Souru you helped me out a bunch once again.

I added a fear but I won't go into how he lost his wings I have a few ideas but I want that to remain a bit of a mystery.

I did write up how he was born made though and his oh so horible lazy lovely father creator.

Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 10:48 pm

Okay made changes and would love some fear crits.

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AnimeChickie

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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 11:39 pm

I really like the way you laid out her personality traits and I really think the part "Don't Touch her Wings" makes her a really adorable character.

So about her fear, just to clarify, when you come in contact with her feathers, they numb the parts of your body that they come in contact with and then they fall off? How will Saras use the numbing effect to her advantage? If she hits her opponent with her fluffy tail of doom and her opponent is completely numb, they wouldn't even feel the pain. Maybe instead it could have a paralyzing effect so that they wouldn't be able to get away from her? And does she have control of her feathers or do they just fall off during the course of the battle?

I hope this helps a little bit. @_@

Posted: Sat Aug 28, 2010 10:48 pm

Complete change of character again. Though this one does seem to fit better.

Hes a Trap

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S a l l y S h e e p

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Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 1:50 pm

Personality
__I like that she's sort of a jaybird. It definitely interesting! Does she like to run around nude in her dorm? o uo

__The part of her personality that only sort of confuses me is how she gets embarrassed from attention but she's a flirt and likes showing some skin. It seems like those traits would collide with each other. Would only someone she really cares about make her embarrassed? Or does she only get embarrassed when someone tries to correct her from it, like does she feel great until someone puts her down about it?

__Another thing I like is her reason for coming to the academy. She's kind of independent and looking to learn for herself? Really cool. 0:

Filter?
__I also have a question about the 'filter'. I don't think I understand exactly, is she obscene or swears a lot or is it something else I completely missed? Is the 'filter' something she actually wears sometimes?

Annoying People?
__Regarding annoying people with items, what items do you mean? Like tapping a pencil/clicking a pen and not caring if it bothers someone?

Fear
__ Are the hands actually sown into her? Or maybe does she control them with string? Are they just hands or are they full arms attached with hands? I like that it's as if she doesn't even need to get her real hands dirty!

Hopefully I helped and that you can add more information or something. Thanks as well for the critique on Colette!

Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 7:50 pm

S a l l y S h e e p

Personality
__I like that she's sort of a jaybird. It definitely interesting! Does she like to run around nude in her dorm? o uo
Well on warmer days yes but on colder days she keeps her panties on.
__The part of her personality that only sort of confuses me is how she gets embarrassed from attention but she's a flirt and likes showing some skin. It seems like those traits would collide with each other. Would only someone she really cares about make her embarrassed? Or does she only get embarrassed when someone tries to correct her from it, like does she feel great until someone puts her down about it?
Yeah I made some changes to it as well I think the flirt in her will come out in her later.

__Another thing I like is her reason for coming to the academy. She's kind of independent and looking to learn for herself? Really cool. 0:
Yep she is, and needs some guidance because she is a bit wild.

Filter?
__I also have a question about the 'filter'. I don't think I understand exactly, is she obscene or swears a lot or is it something else I completely missed? Is the 'filter' something she actually wears sometimes?
Well it is that as well, but is mostly the back talk and speaking without thinking. Or even hesitating to say something stupid to somebody like a teacher.
Annoying People?
__Regarding annoying people with items, what items do you mean? Like tapping a pencil/clicking a pen and not caring if it bothers someone?
Well they are more random and now she uses her hands to harass people as well.

Fear
__ Are the hands actually sown into her? Or maybe does she control them with string? Are they just hands or are they full arms attached with hands? I like that it's as if she doesn't even need to get her real hands dirty!
Yes they are sewn in and she unties the thread or he opponent may cut them off. Yes just hands for now.

Hopefully I helped and that you can add more information or something. Thanks as well for the critique on Colette!

Yep you did.

Hes a Trap

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Hes a Trap

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Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 4:02 am

Finally moving her back to the top to get some crits.

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 10:10 am

I'm confused. She's classified as a Reaper, but you keep mentioning that she is a patchwork undead. I see that you reworked her, did you just forget to edit that?

I like the idea of a puppeteer, i was thinking of a variation myself, with a ghost who can only manifest by controlling puppets.
I like your version- sort of reminds me of Lulu from FFX. Its realy creepy to watch her send a plush toy to attack... even if she IS on your side.. So, I think your FEAR is good. And creative.

However, the weaknesses. Its great to have them, but i dont get it- do the stuffed animals regenerate the lost parts or does Saras have to repair them or have them repaired?

Also, there's no explanation as to why her name is the way it is, and no backstory to speak of. I like backstory.
Who are these creators? whats going on?

I hope my questions help you... By the way, can you give me a critique on Sap in trade? I'd REALLY appreciate it... smile

DraconicFeline

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Hes a Trap

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Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2010 2:08 pm

DraconicFeline

I'm confused. She's classified as a Reaper, but you keep mentioning that she is a patchwork undead. I see that you reworked her, did you just forget to edit that?

-Yes I did because I am a derp.

I like the idea of a puppeteer, i was thinking of a variation myself, with a ghost who can only manifest by controlling puppets.
I like your version- sort of reminds me of Lulu from FFX. Its realy creepy to watch her send a plush toy to attack... even if she IS on your side.. So, I think your FEAR is good. And creative.

-You know that didn't even come to mind but thanks.

However, the weaknesses. Its great to have them, but i dont get it- do the stuffed animals regenerate the lost parts or does Saras have to repair them or have them repaired?

-She repairs them herself... She is great with a thread and needle.

Also, there's no explanation as to why her name is the way it is, and no backstory to speak of. I like backstory.
Who are these creators? whats going on?

-I am currently working on her story... Not sure how her name plays but I am sure it will play into her father's name. Which means "Moon".

I hope my questions help you... By the way, can you give me a critique on
Sap in trade? I'd REALLY appreciate it... smile

-Yes they did and I will.

Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 8:46 pm

Snipped

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