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 Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 11:02 pm
Alright, so this probably should be in the advice section, but the topic of my anger is for the more mature. So that is why I am posting this here. I am furious beyond all imagination with my boyfriend.
(Green is my boyfriend's words)
Yesterday I was at a friend's party. We hadn't been hanging out for a quite a long time so I wanted to hang out with her for her birthday. So her and I did that. My boyfriend couldn't come along. However, I did what I hadn't done in past relationships and told him about my entire past. Rapes, pregnacy, miscarriage, and all. I told him about the sexual abuse, sexual assualt, physical assualt, ect. I was so vulnerable and the entire time he was saying he was there for me.
"I'll never let anyone hurt you again baby. I'll always protect you baby. Never again..." said my boyfriend.
Meanwhile, my friend's other friend was an ex's cousin. I guess she thought I was a skank so she asked me if I was a virgin. I fessed up to the only times I had sex was when I was raped. She called me a ******** liar and a whore in front of EVERYONE. Supposably that ex was lying and saying he had gone all the way wit me (I was his cover so his family wouldn't know he was gay).
At this same time, not even twenty minutes later from me telling my boyfriend about everything and him consoling me he started asking when he would "get me." I told him I was saving myself to marriage and he starts joking around with my virginity. "Well, you're not technically a virgin, so why do you care?" I tried explaining I didn't want to go through any of the problems of getting pregnant. "Well, what about birth control?"
Then, I explained that birthcontrol screws with the women in my family so that we can't have boys when we want children. In response, "What about condoms?" My response? THEY DON"T ALWAYS WORK, THEY STILL BREAK.
And instead of him just dropping it, I get, "Why does it matter anyway? You know you're going to be with me forever anyway?"
Then, I explained to him the likeliness of us lasting. and his response was using the gual of comparing me to his ******** ex girlfriend. "My ex girlfriend would have given into me."
So I said the obvious thing any furious and fuming girlfriend would have said, "If you love your ex so much go back to her."
Five minutes later I apologized for my temper and that I didn't want to go to bed angry at him. He didn't respond. Today, nothing when I texted him the three times I sent him a text at lunch then at dinner. The last time I texted him saying hi, and I got a response of "Hey." Trying to fix things and cool off my anger I asked him about his anger and I got nothing. I asked if he had been ignoring and avoiding me all day and he said, "Yeah." So I turned off my phone and just said forget it. Now I don't know that when he asked me to marry him if he asked because he loves me or if he wanted sex. But I don't want to break up over something that may just be a simple and stupid thing.
Now did I overreact to everything? Or am I in the clear for my anger and reactions?
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 11:18 pm
His immaturaty is astounding.
How old are you guy's again?
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Mr Popo in your mouth Crew
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 11:19 pm
I'm sixteen turning 17 and he turns 18 in november
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Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 12:47 am
♫toot toot♫god... he sounds like a d**k... (no offence...)
I don't think you overreacted at all. ♫toot toot♫
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Mr Popo in your mouth Crew
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Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 1:19 am
IvoryEpiphany I'm sixteen turning 17 and he turns 18 in november that's why. though women seem to think that just because they are mature enough to handle situation, the men are. thats not true. fact of the matter is that by age 16 well into age 18 and even most 19 year olds males will act 14 in almost all situations. my advice for you is to turn lesbian until age 25 (make sure to send me a video ninja ) since thats around the time when guys start to act their age. or if that's a problem for you here's another solution with 3 possible outcome's take him aside and calmly explain to him what he did wrong. don't demand for and apology and definatly don't point fingers (that will definatly set him off) but make it clear that what he did really hurt you. most guy's (even us immature ones) will respond to this. now I generalized it into three popular responses. 1. if he's just an immature guy who made a mistake- he will understand and apologize back to you/hug you and promise not to do it again. you get the picture. most guy's fall into this catagory including the "responsible teenager" type that you claim to be dating. 2. if he's an immature douche- he will act rash to the conversation but DON'T GET MAD. just act disappointed by his reaction and make an excuse to leave. more then likely he will send you texts like crazy telling you how sorry he is but he might not thinking its best to give you space. but you will definitely see a change in his behavior (this is him trying to win you back, seeing as how a girl making an excuse to leave is a classic sign of saying "I don't want you anymore") most "bad boy's" fall into this catigory. 3.if he is not worth keeping- he will just bobb his head up and down like a fish and probably just end up repeating the situation in a similar fashion at some other point in time. most "players" or "dickheads" fall into this catigory number 1 and number 2 may be similar but there is an easy way to tell the difference. if come across clear enough that he hurt you and he is responsible enough there should be a look of disappointment in himself that he hurt you or guilt on his face. LOOK FOR THIS. every guy's guilt look is different but if he's irresponsible you probably saw it before. If he is incredible irresponsible he will try to trick you with a fake "poker face" guilt look. sometimes its impossible to tell the difference. but it's there. if you see it NEVER POINT IT OUT or single him out because even if he tries to trick you there is a chance he still learned his lesson. although there's also the chance he'll do it ******** human psyche
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Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 1:32 am
If a guy tries to pressure you into sex, dump his a**
If he brings it up as a question periodically in a "do you think you're ready" sort of way where he checks in in case the opportunity arises, it's not so bad, as long as he understands that no means no. Guys are by nature more prone to that sort of thing.
The only thing that worries me is the together forever attitude, my ex who I was with for three years had much the same opinion. (we broke up around this time last year) That mindset is probably the most dangerous aspect of this conversation
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Moroseth Anaratharach Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 6:52 am
Its thinks like this that make me happy I'm an Uke.
and oh, yea. Engaged. ninja
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Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 8:30 am
Moroseth Anaratharach The only thing that worries me is the together forever attitude, my ex who I was with for three years had much the same opinion. (we broke up around this time last year) That mindset is probably the most dangerous aspect of this conversation Oh my gawd! I hate girls like that. I dated this one girl lucy 2 years ago and she still thinks she has a shot with me. she starts a conversation and flirts everytime she sees me and ever since she found out where I work she visits me there... ruining my chances with my hot co-worker. ******** b***h.
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Mr Popo in your mouth Crew
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Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 4:32 pm
What I think is that your boyfriend needs to reckon with your past and you. Talking things out would work maybe.
I think it's good that he isn't planning to end the relationship, if he is serious. Though saying "I can't see myself with any other one in the future then you" might be a better text... but a bit to much clingy/over-flirting.
.... just forget that... I'm no good with love advise. (let alone relationship)
talk, speak the unspoken
say why you want to wait till marriage, explain things. (that you don't want children before marriage and a condom is not a safe enough option? (no clue if that's true))
only real (and obvious) advise I can give
Oh, send "I" messages, not "you", really helps if you don't want to fight.
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Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 1:06 pm
Sounds like a similiar situation between my missing girlfriend and I, only the roles are reversed. If he cannot respect your desires, then tell him to hit the road.
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Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 4:26 pm
No. You didnt over-react at all.
What a douche thing for him to say! (no offense)
I mean, i hope he talks about it and apologizes for that.
Then maybe things will be better.
And the ex's cousin, well, I wouldve taken her to the side and said
"I dont know what's your problem, but you need to stay out of my business and keep to yourself. If your so insecure that youre insulting me in front of everyone, i wouldnt be suprised if you get pregnant tonight. Have a nice time at the party"
And then i wouldve walked off.
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Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 7:10 pm
Your past is your past. Why would you tell anybody about that s**t? To receive pity? To feel independent? What ever your reasoning is... a teen male... even though we act as if we understand, we don't. I don't know your conditions to the fullest, so I won't be much more critical.
Jppiym, about your response,
not funny. That response is... nevermind.
Your 17, look...
Moro is most certainly correct, not about the opinion, but about the conversation. You are seventeen... being together forever... 17... don't. For your best interest. Stay with him, but forever? I wouldn't know who deeply in love you two are, but in most cases, don't.
I honestly cannot relate to most of the topic, so I won't voice any more opinion.
Best of luck.
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Dallas Overload Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 8:59 am
All I was asking was if I was over reacting. I know that I can blow things up that are small. But this time, I felt like I was right about it this time. I am well aware that forever doesn't happen in today's society. And at 16, I wouldn't be that stupid. I mean this fall is my senior year and by this time next year, I will be in college. Why is the hell would I make the mistake of tying myself to a guy for eternity and miss out on the growing up stage of being independant.
And some might not like me telling about my past, but I am not saying it because I want pity. In this case, I was explaining why I was angry, before everyone asked anyway.
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