Being taken under Zelt'zin's wing, as it were, as a student of the priesthood had been an unlooked for honor. The energetic, enthusiastic lioness was a pleasure to work with, and she knew absolutely everything, so Txur had no reason to doubt that he would learn anything less than everything. Not that he thought any of the other priestesses would give him a substandard education, but to learn from the High Priestess herself!At first he had been too stunned to think much about it, but as time passed the young lion had begun to wonder. Zelt'zin was friendly, it was true, and incredibly helpful, but it wasn't exactly normal for people in her position to just take on apprentices. Not without provocation. And now, thinking on what cause might provoke Zelt'zin to take him on as an apprentice, he wondered if it might be because of his friendship with Petra.
Petra. His thoughts drifted to her quite frequently lately, and sometimes he couldn't seem to stop thinking about her at all once he started. He felt guilty sometimes, because his thoughts sometimes distracted him from his studies, but whenever Zelt'zin caught his mind wandering she just smiled indulgently and reminded him of what he was meant to be doing.
Still. It was difficult not to think of Petra. She was his best friend, and so that shouldn't be so odd, he guessed. But his thoughts weren't the same kind of thoughts he'd had of her when he was younger. In his youth, he'd been more interested in the games they might play together, and the things she might be able to teach him because of her greater experience. Now...he didn't really know what he thought, but he did know that when he was with her, he was content to do nothing at all, and when he wasn't with her, he wished he was.
It was possible, he supposed, that the reason they could just sit in companionable silence was that they had run out of things to say to each other, but that didn't seem to be the case. It was more that they didn't need to talk, and for that Txur was sometimes grateful, because there were times when he found himself utterly distracted by watching the way her nose wrinkled, or how her tail curled and uncurled idly, or just the line of her body when she relaxed.
It was something he might have talked to his sisters about, or maybe his brother, but they were all busy learning their respective crafts. For instance, Mokri was occupied sitting cubs and Atan'tsyal was learning how to hunt. Sometimes he was amused by how his family had diversified within the pride. Petra told him once that it seemed Rajanya and his cubs would take over the pride by sheer numbers. Txur had laughed, but there'd been an undeniable grain of truth to what she said. His laughter had been without shame or self-effacement. Txur was plenty self-effacing, but he was proud of his family.
What he how he felt about Petra was sort of like how he felt about his sisters, but not quite. Which was part of why he was reluctant to talk to any of his siblings about it. It wasn't like he didn't know what these different feelings meant. He wasn't stupid. Inexperienced, maybe, but not stupid. He guessed he shouldn't have been surprised that his feelings for Petra would have developed this way. After all, she was the girl he was closest to, outside of his family. But he wondered...shouldn't he have wanted someone more mysterious and unobtainable.
He laughed, and it almost sounded like it might have thought about being bitter. Unobtainable. In a way, Petra was unobtainable. She was sister to Eytucan's heir, Pietr, which meant that when they were adults they would be helping rule the pride. When Eytucan and Zelt'zin had cubs, one of those cubs would be Pietr's mate, and together they would rule the pride. Petra would be Pietr's adviser.
Probably both Pietr and Petra would end up mated to Zelt'zin's cubs. That thought bothered him. The cubs would be so much younger than either of the siblings, but he could understand the reasoning behind it with Pietr. It would be unfair to Petra. It would be unfair to him, too, he felt, though Txur knew he would only be a priest, and only ever be a priest. Not really the sort of fellow to end up with a pride's adviser.
"This is pathetic," he said to himself. "Be grateful for what you have, and don't want what you can't have."
It wasn't really in Txur's nature to dwell on things which made him unhappy, and bitterness certainly was not part of his usual repertoire. Growing up he had often heard that he shouldn't be afraid to go after what he wanted, and that he had no one to blame but himself if he didn't get what he wanted because he wouldn't even try. It wasn't so much that he'd been told that because he, himself, had been so guilty of inaction and passivity, but he'd been in the vicinity of others who were. Like his slothful sister Atan.
He knew what he had to do if he wanted to rectify the problem as he saw it. It was simple. He'd have to talk to Petra. For one thing, he didn't know for certain whether Petra would end up wedded to any eventual cubs of Zelt'zin's. He would have to ask her about that. Wouldn't that be a fun conversation. And he'd have to tell her why he cared at all. Since she'd want to know, and he couldn't blame her for wondering.
So what would he say to Petra?
"So...I like you, Petra" he said, trying it out. He shook his head. "Petra, do you ever think about the future? Petra, we're friends, right, and that's great, but do you ever think about being more than that?"
He snarled in frustration. It was not a sound often heard from him, and had anyone been watching, they would have been amazed to know it came from him. Certainly Petra would have been shocked. And amused, to think that she was the cause of his little outburst. Which wasn't quite true. She might have been a reason, but the real cause was Txur, himself. He needed to stop worrying about things which were beyond him, and take appropriate action to deal with those things which weren't.
He was doing what he always did, and making too much of nothing. People told each other their feelings all the time, and it either worked out or it didn't. And besides, what did he have to lose? It wasn't as though Petra would like him any less for telling her he wanted their relationship to change. Even if she didn't feel the same way, they were still friends, and that wouldn't change. Everything would be fine.
