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 Posted: Sat Aug 07, 2010 6:11 pm
A While Longer
My soul's been sticking to my ribs
like a heavy meal,
it's weighing me down.
This incorporeal mass kept solid through flesh,
it pricks and pulls like a frightened animal
with claws out and my fingers curled.
It tears at my bones and I lash out
muscles tensing
and my soul's been pounding at my skin,
like a distorted memory
fighting its way true.
It's been winding itself around my heart,
making my footsteps heavy
since it was told to slow me down.
To claw my skin
and trust the lies of sight.
My soul's been sticking to my ribs
and shuddering with each breath
I take.
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Posted: Sat Aug 07, 2010 7:28 pm
I didn't think you were posting anything! Although, I must say, I am grateful that you did not do as you originally intended.
I really like your work, and this is no exception. The imagery and wording is marvelous! I really like it!
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Posted: Sat Aug 07, 2010 7:37 pm
Thanks for the comment, and I'm glad you liked it.
I've started writing more since I posted that notice, so I've got quite a few that I'm working on. I just miss sharing my work, I love it people comment on my writing. I have some poems that I'm keeping to myself, because I think they have potential for something bigger.
Any critique? I'm not quite happy with this one yet.
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Posted: Sat Aug 07, 2010 7:56 pm
Uhmmm... critique... let's see. It ends rather ubruptly. I feel like there should be more, that the end of the reflection is still around the bend. There is a little roughness around the edges too. I feel like it flows, but there are still rocks in the path.
I don't really know what exactly I mean. I know that there's something missing, but I can't pinpoint it. I believe that only the writer can really do that. I just kind of... express my feelings and hope they can be translated.
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