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 Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:55 am
Who: Lucia and Alex
Where: Alex’s Beach Home
When: Sunset and early evening in mid May
Weather: Clear sky, warm, soft breeze from the ocean Lucia woke up as the sun was going down. It must have been after 6, maybe even after 7 as the sun was staying out more and more as the days got longer. Her own room was very different from this place where she had been staying, but she was used to it after months of living with Zul and Alex. Blinking her eyes a few times, she realized what had waken her up. Noises from the main rooms meant Alex was home from the lab. And – was Zul home too? The kitten flattened her ears back as she rolled her shoulders and arched her small spine. Waking up was always the best feeling. After a long luxurious sleep she loved stretching, feeling tired – like she could close her eyes and fall asleep effortlessly – but energized and awake. Pushing the lightweight covers off of her body, Lucia sat up and listened down the hall. Zul had been in and out pretty regularly. She had been going out at night by herself a lot. If he was home, maybe they could hang out.
She couldn’t tell if the noise was from one person or two, so floating upwards with her arms out, she spun in a quick spiral, getting all of the sleep out of her body. Quickly pulling her raven hair back into a sloppy bun, the Kitten slowly opened the spare bedroom’s door and floated out into the hall. The hall had a slant of pink light – the sunset that was filtering through the huge windows in the living room – that the frei traced with her eyes as she floated into the bathroom. Without the need to use the toilet or the desire to get her furry ears wet, Lucia washed her face with an amber-smelling soap before patting it dry with her lilac hand towel.
After brushing her teeth, the frei opened the door and floated out. The living room’s light was fading as the sky a bit further north turned an even more vibrant shade of pink as the sun fell into the west. A few lights were on in the room now. Alex – the only one in the room – was relaxed, looking out the windows.
Lucia’s eyes followed her gaze. The ocean waters were a deep blue without the light penetrating them, but the caps of rolling waves were glittering orange and pink. The sun, still visible and beautiful to look at, was reflecting beautiful colors onto the waters. She understood Alex’s inclination to watch it. She had done it herself often enough – both with and without Zul. He, she realized with a quick glance around, must have been out still, or again. Whichever.
Her eyes glazed slightly as she stared out at the fading sunlight in the entrance to the hall, her mind elsewhere.
It had been a few days since she had sent the notes to her friends and their guardians. Delia, she wanted to see. Rivener, she could only apologize to in person. Everyone else she hadn’t yet heard from. She didn’t expect to hear anything anyway. But it would be nice. The kitten blinked again, her eyes watering from remaining open too long without blinking.
Letting out a small sigh, the frei’s thoughts continued. How does someone apologize for what she did? Or, if it comes to it . . . how does someone make new friends?
Her violet orbs flicked to Alex. ”It’s beautiful,” she said quietly, not wanting to startle the woman. ”The sunset.” Would Alex know what to say? Or how to find new people? She could only ask.
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Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 4:31 pm
The woman exhaled slowly through her nose, letting the day's wears and tears ease from her body. It wasn't that her life was stressful, but it seemed that her days could only find peace for a handful of moments before some darkness found her. Alex found herself repeating her mother's words to herself more and more as the days wore on: we're only given what we can handle. Her mother - rest her soul - always said Alex had broad shoulders because she could carry more of the weight of the world than most. The thought made her lips curve upwards in a ghost of a smile; she was carrying as much as she could, and still adding more by the heartbeat.
Sighing quietly, she rolled her shoulders, letting them relax, the tenseness draining from her frame. She could hear the distant run of water, assuming it meant Lucia was up. Lucia. Heaven help her, but she could not begin to fathom what that girl had been through. Alex momentarily glanced towards the hallway, an ache in her heart that spread to her stomach. All the Raevans...they all seemed to have some sort of magnetism for hurt and pain, the type that would kill a normal human being. From learning to live in a world that doesn't understand them to dealing with phantom viral outbreaks, from being subjected to the base instincts of their souls and essences to trying to work honestly...she admired them, with every fiber in her being. Slowly but surely, they were becoming her life.
Her green eyes gravitated back to the blossom of sherbet that the sun was presenting over the ocean's rippled surface, the encroaching upset slipping out of her again. She only had a few hours of downtime that usually consisted of paperwork, making dinner, doing the menial tasks of cleaning house and laundry. Calling Aphi to see how he was holding up. The last part was always bittersweet - she missed him, sorely, but she also enjoyed the solitude. It'd been a part of her life so long, it was odd suddenly sharing a home with five males...
The Kitten's voice reached her ears, prompting the smile on her lips to grow. "Sure is," she agreed warmly, uncrossing her arms to reach for the patio door. Alex flipped the lock and pushed open the heavy glass door with a soft whisper of sound, breathing in deeply as the ocean breeze filtered into the house. The Italian was washed over by the cool, salt-tinged air, her loose hair stirred by the caress. Yeah, she missed this something fierce.
Tearing her eyes from the bright spectrum of light, her expression relaxed and softened, her gaze now upon the black femme. "How are you holding up, Lu?" she asked gently.
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 11:50 pm
The breeze floated through the open patio doors and the few strands of hair around Lucia’s face swayed with the warm air. The smell of salt water filled her nostrils. It used to remind her of the aquarium visit she had a year ago. Now she only thought of this house and her nights with Zul.
She half- watched Alex, half-watched the orange glow of the sun as it began to hide behind the horizon. The woman, she realized, was looking at her as well. She was serene. The sunlight seemed to illuminate Alex as well as the waves’ tips. Lucia smiled, realizing that Zul’s guardian was beautiful, radiant in this light.
To the question addressed to her, Lucia only shrugged, a sad smile on her lips. She continued to watch Alex and the sunset for a few moments before responding. ”Did you get the thank you I left on your bed the other day?” Her lilac eyes continued looking out the window. Sunsets, like all special moments in a life, were always so brief. The beautiful light, that didn’t hurt the eyes, was brief and fleeting. The harsh daylight lasted forever. And the night, while so scary for some, seemed to be where the frei dwelled. But the sun against the horizon was the light she loved. It wasn’t just a reflection of real happiness. It was happiness itself.
Lucia’s eyes glanced back to Alex. She didn’t want this to be awkward, but she needed some help. Could Zul’s guardian give it? ”Umm—do you think we can talk a bit?” She smiled sadly, knowing she hadn’t spoken too much about the events to the Italian woman. How much would she have to share now.
Lucia didn’t really care. She brushed her bangs to the side, out of her face, and reclined on the couch. She couldn’t sit, like a normal human, so Lucia coiled her ribbon against the cushion and settled her body over it, leaning sideways against the soft back cushions of the couch. ”Do you mind, or even have time?”
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 1:55 am
The shrug answered her more than spoken words could, earning a quiet, knowing smile in return. She's trying, Alex thought to herself, feeling some sort of contentment in that knowledge. At least she wasn't being suicidal anymore. The question returned to her made her face light with memory in her eyes, nodding twice with crisp enthusiasm. "I did," she replied, turning to face the Frei a bit more, her hip touching the back of the couch. "Thank you very much. The note was sweet and really - did you work that top? That was gorgeous! I'm not sure if I should wear it or hang it up for everyone to admire." The Italian grinned a little, denoting that she was only partially joking about the hanging-up part.
The next questions surprised her, lifting her dark brows high enough that they disappeared beneath her side-swept bangs. Lifting a hand to tuck a stray lock behind her ear, she inclined her head, her smile quick and easy on her lips. "Definitely." Alex glanced around the immaculate house and back towards the porch, spreading her arms to either side of her with a roll of her shoulders. "Pick your place, Lucia. Couch, patio, here...wherever you feel comfy." Comfort. It was a pretty idea and one the Italian liked to lean on when it came to whispers of the heart. She had a feeling that whatever the Kitten was going to ask would be some sort of stepping stone, no matter how odd or simple the question may be, and more than anything, she wanted to encourage that shaky first step - it was the longest one, after all.
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 11:22 am
Lucia blinked for a second before her face dissolved into a genuine smile. Though it quickly faded from her face, her lips still were pursed and upturned in satisfaction. "I did," she said almost proudly. "But you should definitely wear it," she turned serious. "What could display it better than a torso?" She didn't mean floating torso - just any torso. Or even a mannequin bust. But she wanted to see it on Alex. "I modded it for you to wear and look good in."
She was a little relieved when Alex agreed to talk to her. And then suggested they go where she felt comfortable. Smiling slightly, the frei floated upwards. Looking at Alex's feet to make sure she had shoes on - those things Lucia didn't need to worry about, but not having them and going outside could hurt human feet - the black hair whipped around and pale hand reached out to grab her hand.
Lucia led the way outside, down the stairs and taking care not to float too high or too low. She took Alex to an area where she and Zul had spent a lot of nights. The sun was still high enough that that the sky was a purple. Settling down on the cliff that overlooked the darkening waters, Lucia looked up at Alex. "Here?"
She hadn't thought to brink a blanket for the woman to sit on, or to flip on the outside lights on the way out. She just knew she felt secure here.
When Alex settled, Lucia took a deep breath and nibbled on her lip. She would have to stop doing that soon -- her bottom lip was a little sore from her prodding teeth. But the frei had had a lot to be nervous over lately. "How am I supposed to go back, Alex?" She asked suddenly. "How can I possibly get my friends to understand, or even care? I-don't really know what to do. . ." The crux of her dilemma. She she just blurted it out. If she was going to ask Alex for help, it wouldn't be through subtle references and vague questions.
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 11:39 am
Light laughter returned the comment, nodding in acknowledgement; if Lucia wanted her to wear it more than preserve it, then she would. "Thank you," Alex murmured softly, deeply touched by the gesture. She wasn't used to receiving gifts, let alone those of gratitude; it showed her just how aware Lucia was and how well her heart was in the right place. Yuurei had done well with the Kitten and it made her proud.
Her warm, scarred fingers curled with the softer, pale digits that sought them, lightly squeezing the hand that so easily took hers to lead. Alex followed the dark femme at an easy gait, breathing in deeply of the salt air that filled her lungs and basking in the fading glow of the sun. She missed it here, so much. She never really realized how much she'd grown accustomed to the beach until she didn't have it anymore.
Smiling as the private beach came into view, the woman simply nodded, releasing the other's hand and taking a seat on the sand without concern. Had she known Lucia's thoughts, she would have been flattered, but as it were, she simply did not mind the cooling sand. Crossing her legs and keeping her back straight, she tilted her head and watched the Frei, content not to speak until the other had done so first. Lucia had asked for her help; the least Alex could do was make sure it was something she could give.
Drawing in another deep breath of the water not that far off, Alex smiled. She couldn't help it! The Kitten was ready to make amends - and that was precisely what the woman wanted to hear. "Well," she started off, considering, "I think you shouldn't think of it as 'going back.' What's come to pass can't be undone." The Italian looked at the dark femme with consideration. "You've grown a lot from this experience, do you know that? As awful as it sounds, who you are now is not who you were before. Does that make sense?" Resting her elbows on her knees, she continued, "Friends are there for you through thick and thin. Some of them..." she hesitated, shaking her head a bit, "...some may not be as forgiving immediately, but they may come around. People deal with hurt in different ways and I don't think the Raevans are any different."
Alex tried to recall the list she'd seen of who Lucia had encountered. How would they all react to the knowledge that Lucia had not been in control of herself? Would they be wise enough to understand or, in their yet growing minds, would they be unable to see beyond their own wounds? "You've already seen a few, haven't you?" she asked gently. She imagined that the difficulty was meeting with those who had been hurt in ways that were deeper than physical. "Look, Lucia, your friends - they're good folk. Cordelia, Vyn - they're strong. I know they're probably scared but...it's not scared of you. It's scared for you." If the Kitten could believe that others had the capacity to care for her, then...then the healing process could begin.
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 11:56 am
But that was it. She wanted to make it go away. Lucia knew that it couldn't go back, that none of them could. But she didn't want to know it. She didn't want to admit it. Grown? Well she was different - Lucia knew that. But she didn't see how any good could come from it. Wasn't growth usually something good? She nodded slightly when asked if her growth made sense. She was changed. Cautious. Scared. Nervous. Not confident. But there was a reason for all of those. She could see them in herself, but not so much what they might lead to. For now, it was easier to let Alex have the knowing smile from before.
The frei shrugged. "I saw Pasha. She didn't know anything about it. Other than that I wasn't acting like myself. And I saw Zeke and met his raevan and I met a few other guardians who don't have their raevans yet." Lucia's violet eyes stared out at the water, seeing perhaps further and clearer than the woman beside her. "Other than Zul, I haven't seen anyone who met me while he was controlling me."
"I don't understand," she said plainly. "They all think it was me who attacked them. How could -" Lucia stopped for a second, remembering. Delia had come in to the lab worried about her. "Delia was scared for me. She thought I was infected again."
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 12:11 pm
Pasha. She hadn't meant that one - Kyou had told her it was a nickname for one of the oldest Raevans, Melisande. It was always humbling when Alex could look back and see she'd been with the Lab for so long, and hadn't even scratched the surface of all the Raevans within it. The mention of Zeke and Anastacia gave her a slight chill, one she managed to repress before it became a full-fledged shudder. That Raevan, she thought, may never be a part of the family, not really...
"Meeting those who weren't affected was a good choice." The woman rubbed her bottom lip thoughtfully, distantly tasting the salt on the air. Affirmation was necessary for Lucia to see she was worthy of love and friendship. A Raevan and several humans showed her kindness - it was a large stepping stone, even if Lucia didn't realize it yet. "It's a good start." Relaxing again, the woman arched one black brow, her smile somewhat lop-sided. "Zul understood, didn't he? He was a bit more intimate with the situation, but - given how he feels about Rivener, I think you have a good chance for your friends to do the same. They're his friends too, so, I've had the pleasure of meeting them."
That was a minor blessing in disguise, having the same circle of friends. "Besides. Your friends know you. They know it wasn't you that was doing that stuff, Lu. You're not malicious! Look at all the friends you do have - you wouldn't have them if your heart wasn't so big." Alex was doing her best not to mention the man by name that had caused the issue, in part because her grasp of what happened was still flimsy. She was merely human, after all, and found some of the the information harder to wrap her head around. "Delia was very scared for you," she agreed, recalling what Zeke had told her. "She didn't blame you at all. That's what friends do: forgive and forget when it becomes necessary. Have a little faith in your friends and their love of you, sweetie."
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 12:20 pm
Lucia looked at her hands as she played with them. Weaving her fingers together. Wrapping them around each other. Pushing her finger tips together, one set of nails going over the other. She clicked her fingernails together. Just thinking about what Alex was saying.
"Zul's different." Her voice was plain, but not harsh. She didn't know if Alex would know what she meant, but for the Kitten it was plain. He's special, both in general and to her.
The frei wondered if time and lack of knowledge had caused Delia to blame her. Especially now that she knew it wasn't from another virus. Delia she'd be okay to contact. Maybe.
"But what if. What if they don't understand. Ever. What if they never forgive me. I don't even really know how to make new friends." The kitten sighed and leaned back, resting against the sand and looking at the stars. Doe had told her counting them was calming. But instead she just looked.
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 12:50 pm
Without saying so, Alex agreed. Her charge was different, even by Raevan standards. It was something she pat herself on the back for, though she wouldn't say it out loud. Zul was his own being, through and through.
Alex closed her eyes for a moment, hearing the pain in the words that wasn't spoken. Of course Lucia was afraid; she had every right to be. "What if the ocean swallows Gambino tomorrow?" she asked, opening her eyes languidly and looking upwards as well. "What if I'm hit by a truck?" The woman leaned back on her elbows, the sand granules pressing into her scarred skin. "You can't live by 'what if,' Lucia. Life isn't that kind." It was a simple truth, one she'd learned time and time again. "We have no control over what ifs. What you do have control over is the effort you make to shape life in the direction you want it to go."
Curling her fingers into the sand and drawing small circles, she wondered why others had such a hard concept of forgiveness, both in others and in themselves. For all that had happened to Alex in her almost thirty years, she had always practiced treating others as you wanted to be treated; forgiveness came with it. "Just be yourself," she advised lightly. "That's gotten you this far, hasn't it? Given you friends that would worry for you and be there for you? Believe in yourself. It sounds cheesy but it all starts with you." Quirking her lips, she smiled a little again. "Maybe you should see Delia. It might help."
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 1:06 pm
Lucia nodded slightly. Shape your life. So it made sense. Her caution was her shaping it. So as much as she wanted to, she could make the choice not to go to the spirit world. And she could decide that she didn't want to help spirits here. For now, safety was her concern, and that was the direction she'd take the advice. It made sense, for the time being.
Being herself -- but she hardly knew who she was now. Sighing lightly, the frei shrugged. "Can I have her number - Ebony's?" she asked lightly. She could see her friend again. And hope that she still was her friend. One more question was nagging at her. One she didn't want to think about, but one that had been plaguing her, causing her crazy sleep schedule and keeping her scared on the nights when she went out without Zul.
"Alex, what if --" she stopped her self and smiled sadly. "What happens if I'm possessed again? I couldn't stop anything he was doing with me."
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 1:18 pm
"Of course." Alex lowered her eyes from the star-speckled sky to the Kitten, her smile small but hopeful. "I'll leave out the whole list of Guardians and Raevans. You can take your time and call whenever you want. My home is yours." She didn't want it to come across as a permanent sense - obviously, Yuurei was Lucia's - but if the Frei ever needed to get out and go somewhere, her door was always open, unconditionally.
The next question...was a bit harder for her. The woman exhaled slowly, trying to think of some sort of resolution. She had no concept of magic or such otherworldly phenomenon, though she believed in it without question. There wasn't much she could do for Lucia in that respect, not that she knew of. Alex sighed quietly. "You...went somewhere, didn't you?" Zul had spoken with her in brief terms, but it went wildly over her head. "Just don't go there. Not yet." Something occurred to her, earning the same sinking feeling she got when she had spoken to Zeke about Anastacia.
"...there may be a time where you're going to want to go back, Lucia." Alex turned her eyes to the sky again, trying to sort through her bits of knowledge regarding the situation. Running from it and avoiding the problem wouldn't give her control over it. One day, she'd want to face what she was capable of - and master it. It wasn't for them to worry about now. "Right now, you just don't go back to...to where it is that you've been. You know Zul will stay with you until you're ready." Whether that was ready to stand on her own, to go back - anything, she knew the demon was committed to seeing Lucia through her hard time.
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 1:46 pm
The frei nodded, happy to then have access to anyone she wanted really. It wasn't something she'd abuse, but knowing she could get Aphi's number, for instance, to call him if she needed to, was nice.
Lucia wanted to shake her head. She wouldn't want to go back. But she didn't. She didn't know why she decided not to protest. Maybe Alex was right. Maybe it just wasn't worth the hassle. Maybe she just didn't care right now. But instead she just listened.
She looked at the stars and tried to not dwell on the fact that Alex's answer focused on avoiding possession, not what to do if it happened again. But for the moment she just decided to try Doe's method. One. Two. Those stars were blue. Three. A red one. Why was it red? she wondered. Letting out a quiet sigh, Lucia was all out of questions. She didn't know if she was better or more knowledgeable now.
But she had some direction. Call Ebony. Meet with Delia. And when you do it, don't think about the fire. The flames. The smoke. The heat. "Thanks, Alex." Even if she was still unsettled, any sort of direction and focus helped.
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Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 1:57 pm
It was a little different for her to talk to Lucia. Zul always had something to say that usually hit her out of left field; to have a female around, one that listened without interruption, was new and just slightly awkward. Despite her job, Alex wasn't entirely used to being taken seriously, but knowing that her words could very well shape Lucia's recovery was quite sobering. She'd be more mindful with the Raevans that came to her for help.
By the growing glow of the stars and moon, Alex watched Lucia's distant expression and the way her eyes flicked around the sky. She wondered if this was what the Kitten and Zul did down here, but she wasn't going to ask; it was their personal time and she trusted them to use it to Lucia's benefit. The soft words of thanks made her smile gently, turning her green eyes sky-bound to try and trace the same lines that the Frei's were. Constellations...planets...maybe a meteor shower or two. The sky was so clear out here...
Hit with a pang of nostalgia mingling with her contentment, Alex replied quietly, "My pleasure, Lucia," and left it at that. They'd go back after they each contemplated their own place beneath that vast, diamond-studded sky.
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