[FIN] Job Interview #1: The Fruit Suit [Quinn/Jumbo Juice]

[Scroll]

"Here at Jumbo Juice, it is our goal to provide healthy, natural, Agriculture-grown fruit by-product smoothies for every man, woman, and child here in the City," Jeremiah Jumbo explained, fingers steepled upon the desk in front of him, dressed in a smart strawberry-pink-and-lime-green suit woven from expensively authentic hemp-imitation plastics. "In doing so, we support the local economy and promote alternative smoothie practices that reduce our carbon footprint by an entire five per-cent."

The curly, thin mustache seemed to quiver upon his upper lip in pride.

"Now, as I understand it, according to your résumé, you have-" He shuffled the papers in front of him, clearing his throat. "-won three gold medals in the semi-annual Extreme Baking competition-"

"-invented the Toaster Mark II-"

"-and have volunteered at the homeless shelter as part of the Place-a-Kitten program, successfully finding over three hundred and fifty five kittens in a home, including one in your own."

Mr. Jumbo looked reasonably impressed by Quinn's feats of ingenuity and compassion.

"Unfortunately, we only have a single open position as part of our newly launched program, Smooth Kids Eat Smooth Smoothies. You'd be interacting with children on an interpersonal, professional, and fun level."  

[Kappawolf]

Quinn couldn't help but squirm in his chair at every peppy, energy-efficient word Jeremiah Jumbo chirped. It was like listening to the love child of a television announcer and tweetie bird.

Quinn, believing the man wasn't going to believe anything on the list, quickly began explaining. "I make a mean pumpkin bread--" He had used an oven, on several occasions.

"--That's one mark more than one--" And one less than three!

"--his name is Valeriu. We are very happy. When we aren't killing each other." He laughed, nervously.

"Children?" Quinn said the word as if he had said 'A Room Full of Lesbians All Wearing Flannel Shirts While Making Out To Smooth Jazz'. "I'm great with children. What would I have to do?"  

[Scroll]

"I'm sure you'll find it a very dynamic, synergetic, fulfilling position should you agree to the terms and clauses of the contract," Mr. Jumbo elaborated.

"It's a challenging job that is integral to our program's core components. It'll demand improvisation, initiative, quick wit, and the ability to appeal to a wide range of personality types in close, unstaged settings."

As if that was an answer. He slid a single sheet of paper and a pen towards Quinn across the desk.

"If you would just sign this three-day nondisclosure contract, I would be happy to introduce you to your future career at our company."  

[Kappawolf]

"Heyyy everybody have you heard the news?
There's grrrrreat big fun at Jumbo Juice!
Heyyy little kiddies, It's cool and groovy
on the inside, here, so get a smoothie!
Blueberry, Raspberry, Strawberry, Plum,
Blackberry, Broccoli, Peanut butter-- yum!
Come with Mister Frankenfruit, we're on the way
To a wonderful, marvelous, magical day!"

Quinn was shaking his bananas like maracas, and letting his plum-shoes wiggle and jump as he danced around. His rear end shook, bringing some grapes along with it, and an assortment of other fruits dangled on the bodysuit he was wearing.

No one was coming inside to buy smoothies.

People were pointing and laughing.

He was proud of the song he had made, up, though.

"Sing it with me now!
Jay! You! Em Bee Oh!
Jay! You! Em Bee Oh!
If you want a smoothie, where do you go? To
Jay! You! Em Bee Oh!"

One little girl, very small, had stopped in front of him and was imitating his dance moves. He stopped to look down at her.

"What are you doing?"

"Dancing with you, Mr. Fruity."

"My name is not 'Fruity', its 'Frank'--nevermind." He sighed, and jiggled his grapes some more.  

[Scroll]

On his way, innocently (or relatively innocently) through the streets of Central as he mentally mapped out the pathways, Valeriu beheld a sight like none seen before, stopping dead in his tracks before the Jumbo Juice storefront.

A scoff escaped him.

Then a snort.

Then a giggle, a chuckle, a cackle.

A laugh.

More laughter.

He walked away, laughing his fool head off and hands tucked into his pockets, shaking his head as if he always knew Quinn would end up dancing the cha-cha in a fruit salad suit.  

[Kappawolf]

As soon as he saw who was laughing, his face started turning as red as the strawberries that dangled from his 100% possibly recyclable material bodysuit. His eyes blazed with anger as he grabbed it from the neck, ripping it with a roar. The little girl screamed.

"Mr. Fruity is going crazy!" And ran away. Quinn ripped it down to the feet, and tossed it away, throwing lightning at it until it sparked on fire. "Take that, Mr. Frankenfruity! Yeah! That's how I feel about you! That's how I feel about you and stupid Jumbo Juice. And guess what? All the emissions from your fiery, painful death are raising your carbon footprint. Raising it high. Have fun with your hole in the ozone layer, Mr. Frankenfruity. Fly away, in smoke, to that great fruit basket in the sky!"

Breathing heavily from all the yelling and violent lightning throwing, he stormed into Jumbo Juice.

"I quit!" He yelled, and stormed out.