Rape Related Pregnancy: How Common is It?
Some statistics report that conception as a result of rape occurs in less than one percent of cases, while other
studies indicate higher figures such as 4.7% (see this page). Rape-related Pregnancy may be more widespread than we know - many women are understandably reluctant to talk about it. Common contexts for conception in rape are war, and in domestic violence settings as an incidental result of rape by a partner, or a deliberate attempt by a man to impregnate his spouse to get her to remain in the relationship, or to return to it.
But it doesn't really matter what the statistics or settings are, it does happen, and it can be a terrifying and isolating thing to face. If you are facing rape-related pregnancy, it's most important that you know you don't have to face it alone.
You've Found Out You're Pregnant By Rape - Decisions and Resources
Again, you might feel a range of attitudes, from fear to confusion and numbness. It is perfectly fine for you to take time, and have support, as you think about what you need to do. It is something that many people around you may have opinions about. You might hear advice that, though well intentioned, is not what is suitable for you and your life. It is absolutely okay for you to disregard what does not feel right for you. The choice is ultimately yours, and you do not need to justify it.
Be careful of people with agendas: In being raped, you have had choice taken away from you. It's very important that you are empowered to make the best choices for yourself now. Unless you're very clear from the outset about what you wish to do, you might be confused. There is nothing wrong with seeking help from others, but watch for their biases. People with a pro-abortion, pro-life or pro-adoption position may use language about what is right for you and your baby that can feel coercive. Some people I told immediately raised "lovely childless couples who want to adopt" practically before the words were out of my mouth! Do NOT listen to people who want to suggest that you're being selfish and not thinking about the baby. Of course, many people who hold definite positions are also able to be respectful of other's opinions and beliefs without imposing their own, it's just something else for you to be aware of. You are looking for people who will listen as you weigh up the different aspects of your dilemma and make a decision. In my experience, to have done what everybody around me felt was right would have been more damaging. Many women have been scarred further because others overrode them or forced decisions upon them. Please don't you be one of them.
A quick look at options:
Termination - If you are thinking about terminating the pregnancy, time might be a factor. You can get counselling from rape crisis, or from family planning about termination. Please check these links out:
National Women's Health Organization USA
Some women do grieve after termination - regardless of the circumstances of conception. If you are experiencing grief after abortion, here is a link to a group recommended as an excellent source of support: http://www.afterabortion.com
Adoption - This is an option for some women who have conceived in rape. There will be many considerations for you in this, and there is help available. You will need a lot of sensitive, gentle care as you work through any concerns you have. Please look at these links:
Birthmother Resources and Support Information
Adoption Puzzle - includes an Adoption Support Directory
*Women who have terminated their pregnancies, or relinquished their babies for adoption, may know that these were the right choices for them. If so, that's great. But even where they know it was the right thing to do, there might still be grief issues. If you have experienced this, you'll know what I mean. Please get support - again look at the above links.
Keeping the Child - You may wish to keep the child. You could have uncertainties about how you will
manage this in light of the conception. Questions such as what if the baby looks like the rapist or whether the reminder will be too hard, may arise. It's a good idea to have somebody you can explore those fears with; again, I suggest counselling. You can also talk your fears over with other mothers here at Pandora's Aquarium. If you are in a relationship and have other older children, this may present more issues around keeping the child. Many sexual assault counselling services offer help to immediate family of the victim - if yours does not, ask if there is anybody they can refer you to.
If you choose to continue with the pregnancy, please ask your sexual assault/rape crisis centre if they know what supports are available for rape-related pregnancy. Many women find after rape, that they don't feel very good about their bodies. If you continue the pregnancy, self-care is especially important. Please make sure you talk with a physician, or women's health nurse, about the best ways of ensuring this.
If you are frightened of the rapist seeking access to your child, you may want to see a legal service. Check this article out too: Rapists Who Seek Access To Children Conceived by Rape: A Legal Perspective
If you are considering having and keeping the child, I can attest that as a woman who made this choice, fears and problems can be successfully resolved.