Welcome to Gaia! ::

FYI, I have applied. ^_^

To start off, I was wondering if the vocabulary students would like to take a guess at the definitions of all the bolded words from the Explanation of the story.

I figure it might help with retaining the knowledge if you already know what they mean.
If you don't, congratulations! You've just expanded your vocabulary!

All requests for characters have been added. I'm actually kinda sad that only 2 of my pretty little characters have been used, but don't worry. Maybe I can use them as NPCs or something...

I'm still waiting for the crew to get back to me, but I'll give them the week from the day I first posted and if I haven't heard back, I'll PM, give one more day then start. I figured that since they made me a teacher it'd be fine to start a lesson, I just wanted to be extra certain that it's ok.
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Oh, before we do start, I'd love to know what everyone wants me to help them with. I know a few and have taken notes, but (at the risk of sounding corny) I can't help you unless you help me. I don't want to be a 'mother figure'. At worst, a 'big sister' one, but I plan to work WITH you, not AT you.

We have been approved!!!

@Caliber - Thanks. Already added notes on you.

@XING LYNX

On the first sentence, it just didn't flow right.
"A goliath in size in comparison" the repeated 'in' made the sentence halting and restricted the flow. And the 'at 6'9" at the end sort of... endless? If you read it aloud, you tend to finish at 'fiends' so the 'at 6'9"' bit makes it awkward when placed there. Also, the flow of ideas needs to be organised. The way you wrote it, you give the information that he is tall, compare it to others, then state just how tall. Even now, looking at it, it's still awkward and I want to make a tiny adjustment.

The way I have it (and you had it), it is a run-on sentence, which implies that the information is all linked. What does height have to do with family? I'd split it like this:
"At 6'9", Hymesis was a goliath in size compared to the regular bunch of coffee fiends. He was was born into a pretty..."

Yes, wealthy is repetitive but I had already edited so much, I felt bad.

I get the palace idea. I like it. I just wasn't sure if it was deliberate or not. That's why it's sadly awkward. I wouldn't touch it though.

If you don't want me to edit any spelling or grammar, let me know, though your vocabulary seems pretty good, so it leaves me unsure as to why you're here.

Grammar/punctuation flaws:
"wealthy, or well off" - No need for comma before 'or'. A comma implies a pause. Read it aloud. I can't speak for you or anyone else, but I myself don't sense a pause belongs there and also, commas tend to be awkward if they're before or after 'and' or 'or'.

"so he can get good morals, so he works" - The repetition of 'so' in the run-on sentence alters the relationships of each 'so'.
The first 'so' clearly means 'the reason his parents don't pay for his tuition is SO he can get good morals.'
The second 'so' follows in the same sentence and is therefore easily mixed in with the first one. It implies a link to 'the reason his parents don't pay for his tuition' and that doesn't make sense. To separate this, I just split the sentence. After that, 'so' didn't make sense and I had to change it.

"even further" - Doesn't make sense.

"Not to be one with his articulators up" - also doesn't make sense. I think I understand what you're TRYING to say, but it just doesn't work. An alternative could be "not to be one who is very articulate" or "not to be one with a high level of articulation", although I stretch.

"why he's so mumbly" - Doesn't make sense. I don't believe mumbly is a word, although you could try to pass it off as a onomatopoeia (google it if you don't know).

"is all" - Slang and accent is fine for when a character is speaking, but in any other part of roleplay, it isn't always good. It depends on the situation and this wasn't the right situation. Also, most slang is ATROCIOUS bad grammar.

We don't call it 'English major' here, but I was the 'dux' of the class recently. The main reason I have for knowing so much about the English language is mainly the fact that I read so much, write so much and enjoy most aspects of it. (I say 'most' because I really don't like essays).

Finally, it is taking so long to get the RP going because I have stated that I will wait exactly a week before beginning and also I have to give people a chance to join. I usually don't wait, but for a study group, I felt that I needed to give people a chance.
If you think THIS was a long time, consider if I had done a character development lesson. We probably wouldn't have started for a long time.
Don't worry though. We're starting tomorrow.


For your reference, here is a copy of your original:

A goliath in size in comparison to the regular bunch of coffee fiends at 6'9", Hymesis was born into a pretty wealthy, or well off family, that filled him with many oppertunites in his line of career. It's not the Hymesis dream to work in a coffee shop, it's a money thing. His parents refuse to pay for his college entirely so he can get good morals, so he works there to pay his tuition. The Hymesis dream however, is to be an architectual designer in San Fransico and provide his favorite palace an even further delicated look.
Not to be one with his articulators up, Hymesis is a rather muffled speaker. Some people associate it with his curls that droop over his blank visage and his rather plump, pursed lips. It's no physical aspect of why he's so mumbly, he just isn't a social butterfly is all.

ALL!
We start tomorrow. Get ready and I'll PM everyone just in case.

If you don't realise, this will be a short story cycle, but done over a slightly longer period of time. I can't even give an estimate, but due to time differences, this will last more than a few days so everyone has a chance to participate. Some RPs have a life cycle of hours. This isn't one of them.

sweet! as for what I need help with, any and all advice is welcome. smile

I'll take a stab at some of the words... I'll leave the rest for the other students.

Suburbia is another way of saying residential area. I usually associate the word with white picked-fences, perfectly cut lawns, and happy-go-lucky neighbor.

beverages is another way to describe drinks (both alcoholic and non-alcoholic).