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 Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2006 11:26 pm
I'm posting this here because I doubt people in the regular forums will know or care what I'm talking about, and I really don't feel like having to deal with the sarcastic comments of some idiot who thinks it's cool to be obnoxious.
Anyway, like I said, I think my younger cousin is color-struck or something. Why do I say this? It's just my observations of her. She's a very social girl, who is always talking about people from her school. But this is what I noticed. Whenever I hear her mention one of her friends or acquaintances, the first thing she says is, "My friend [insert name], she's [insert race]-"
Now, you might be thinking, How does that make her color-struck?
Here's why I say what I say: almost all the people she mentions (with the exception of maybe 5 or 6) are all hispanic or of more than one race. But we live in a racially diverse area (although, her mom moved a few miles away). But even before they moved, she'd do the same thing. So I asked her about it one day. Here's the summary of our conversation:
*We were in my mom's car, and our cousin was with us*
*The cousin I'm talking about was just talking about some of her friends again*
Me: Can I ask you something?
Her: What?
Me: Why is it that whenever you talk about someone, you're so quick to mention their race?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: When you talk about your friends, before saying anything else, you always mention the race. Practically everyone you talk about is either mixed or hispanic.
Her: Well, I have black friends, too.
Me: But you never talk about them. You only talk about your hispanic and mixed friends.
Her: You're just not around when I talk about my black friends. *she then names a list of her supposedly black friends*
Me: Whenever I'm around you, you only talk about the hispanic and mixed people you know. You hardly ever mention any black friends, except the ones who used to live down the street from you.
(disagreement, chatter)
Me: But why does the race of someone matter? Why do you feel you have to point out someone's race? It shouldn't matter if you like the person. But you mention the person's race before anything else.
Her: Well my mom asks me what race someone is sometimes.
Me: But I'm not your mom. I don't care what race someone is. It's like you're obsessed with race. You'll mention someone's race for no reason.
Other cousin: I think you're making too much of this.
Me: No I'm not. She always does that. Mentions the race of the person.
Other cousin: But she might not mean it that way.
Me: I don't know. I was just wondering. I never hear her talk about the black friends she supposedly has. Only the hispanic and mixed ones.
Her: Are you saying I'm color-struck?
Me: Maybe.
It's not just this conversation that makes me think this about my younger cousin. It's other things. I've been observing her behavior for years (we practically grew up almost like sisters because our moms have lived by each other most of our lives). It's like she tries to be someone she's not.
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Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2006 9:37 am
[I knew someone like this too. She never forgot to mention what race a person was. Though the definiton for "color-struck" is still unclear to me... Maybe it's just used to mean someone who is extremely concerned about race or color.
I don't think she has a problem you should really worry about. I had only a few black "friends" growing up, and I went to a well-mixed school on a mostly-black side of town. So my reason for not talking about my "black friends" would have been that I didn't have many; sometimes I had none. xp
Perhaps she's closer with her mixed and Hispanic friends than she is with her black friends.
I know it would annoy me if someone used the name and race everytime they were talking about other people, but I wouldn't think anything of it; I wouldn't think they necessarily have a "problem."
At the end, you say that it seems like your cousin is "trying to be something she's not." By only mentioning friends of a specific color, I'm not sure how this could lead to an assumption like that. Do you get the feeling she's ashamed that she has black friends, or doesn't want anyone else to know about her black friends? neutral ]
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Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2006 6:32 pm
That's wierd whenever I hear colorstruck it's always used as some black girl/man only dating certain colors, but i guess alot of people are like your cousin I don't know what color she is but alot of people on the 2 extremes of color (lightordark) become obsessed withr ace because of comments and racist things that happen to them from a parent or a friend or a peer i know thats what happened to me.
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Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2006 12:04 pm
Passion_Dragon [I knew someone like this too. She never forgot to mention what race a person was. Though the definiton for "color-struck" is still unclear to me... Maybe it's just used to mean someone who is extremely concerned about race or color.
I don't think she has a problem you should really worry about. I had only a few black "friends" growing up, and I went to a well-mixed school on a mostly-black side of town. So my reason for not talking about my "black friends" would have been that I didn't have many; sometimes I had none. xp
Perhaps she's closer with her mixed and Hispanic friends than she is with her black friends.
I know it would annoy me if someone used the name and race everytime they were talking about other people, but I wouldn't think anything of it; I wouldn't think they necessarily have a "problem."
At the end, you say that it seems like your cousin is "trying to be something she's not." By only mentioning friends of a specific color, I'm not sure how this could lead to an assumption like that. Do you get the feeling she's ashamed that she has black friends, or doesn't want anyone else to know about her black friends? neutral ]
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Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2006 12:06 pm
thirdeyephilsophy That's wierd whenever I hear colorstruck it's always used as some black girl/man only dating certain colors, but i guess alot of people are like your cousin I don't know what color she is but alot of people on the 2 extremes of color (lightordark) become obsessed withr ace because of comments and racist things that happen to them from a parent or a friend or a peer i know thats what happened to me.
*Btw, my cousin is black.
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Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 6:08 pm
Dark_Lady_Jade Passion_Dragon [I knew someone like this too. She never forgot to mention what race a person was. Though the definiton for "color-struck" is still unclear to me... Maybe it's just used to mean someone who is extremely concerned about race or color.
I don't think she has a problem you should really worry about. I had only a few black "friends" growing up, and I went to a well-mixed school on a mostly-black side of town. So my reason for not talking about my "black friends" would have been that I didn't have many; sometimes I had none. xp
Perhaps she's closer with her mixed and Hispanic friends than she is with her black friends.
I know it would annoy me if someone used the name and race everytime they were talking about other people, but I wouldn't think anything of it; I wouldn't think they necessarily have a "problem."
At the end, you say that it seems like your cousin is "trying to be something she's not." By only mentioning friends of a specific color, I'm not sure how this could lead to an assumption like that. Do you get the feeling she's ashamed that she has black friends, or doesn't want anyone else to know about her black friends? neutral ] [...A fake accent? That's extreme, lol. How old is she? I'd understand if she was really young; I pretended to have an English accent back then. xd But if she's older, and she's "honestly" trying to pull off a Spanish accent, then she needs to take a look in the mirror and come to terms with who she is. You have to be the race you are. It's just one of the things in life that you have to do, along with accepting responsibility for your actions and dying someday. 3nodding ]
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Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:18 pm
Oh wow, that sounds like my little cousin. She's black btw way. But one day we were all talking and someone said something about her how she should be proud to be black. She turns to them and goes, but I'm white. Everyone turned to look at her, and she's only 5. But she does try to act proper and prim.
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Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 3:24 pm
eek I say you make her read The Bluest Eye (or maybe not, that book..is a bit... strange). Or something along those lines. Or, as Huey would say, "She's suffering from Afro-denial and Ethno-Ambiguo Hostilit Syndrome. I suggest an immediate intervention of positive Nubian reinforcement." "'Tis a long, hard road to afro-centric wellness."
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Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 9:06 am
It sounds to me like she's quite proud to have her non-black friends. Its fine to be proud of your friends, but why be proud of them because of their race? As if that's a feather in her cap.
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 4:42 pm
Passion_Dragon Dark_Lady_Jade Passion_Dragon [I knew someone like this too. She never forgot to mention what race a person was. Though the definiton for "color-struck" is still unclear to me... Maybe it's just used to mean someone who is extremely concerned about race or color.
I don't think she has a problem you should really worry about. I had only a few black "friends" growing up, and I went to a well-mixed school on a mostly-black side of town. So my reason for not talking about my "black friends" would have been that I didn't have many; sometimes I had none. xp
Perhaps she's closer with her mixed and Hispanic friends than she is with her black friends.
I know it would annoy me if someone used the name and race everytime they were talking about other people, but I wouldn't think anything of it; I wouldn't think they necessarily have a "problem."
At the end, you say that it seems like your cousin is "trying to be something she's not." By only mentioning friends of a specific color, I'm not sure how this could lead to an assumption like that. Do you get the feeling she's ashamed that she has black friends, or doesn't want anyone else to know about her black friends? neutral ] [...A fake accent? That's extreme, lol. How old is she? I'd understand if she was really young; I pretended to have an English accent back then. xd But if she's older, and she's "honestly" trying to pull off a Spanish accent, then she needs to take a look in the mirror and come to terms with who she is. You have to be the race you are. It's just one of the things in life that you have to do, along with accepting responsibility for your actions and dying someday. 3nodding ]
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 5:07 pm
Why do you care so much? If that is what she does then it is a habit and it is very hard to change a habit. If here mom kept asking here she just probaly got used to it and says it all the time.
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 6:09 pm
Revolutionary01 Why do you care so much? If that is what she does then it is a habit and it is very hard to change a habit. If here mom kept asking here she just probaly got used to it and says it all the time. [I can only speak for myself, but: It's hard not to care. sweatdrop When someone close to you (literally or figuritively), has a "bad habit" as you call it, it's difficult not to want to make them see that there's more out there. My younger brother is a couch potato. Consequently, he's shaped...like a potato. xd (I mean that he's overweight.) It's a "bad habit" he has, but I still want him to change. It doesn't affect me; it doesn't have anything to do with me. But me "bugging" about it shows I care about him. neutral ]
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 7:09 pm
Passion_Dragon Revolutionary01 Why do you care so much? If that is what she does then it is a habit and it is very hard to change a habit. If here mom kept asking here she just probaly got used to it and says it all the time. [I can only speak for myself, but: It's hard not to care. sweatdrop When someone close to you (literally or figuritively), has a "bad habit" as you call it, it's difficult not to want to make them see that there's more out there. My younger brother is a couch potato. Consequently, he's shaped...like a potato. xd (I mean that he's overweight.) It's a "bad habit" he has, but I still want him to change. It doesn't affect me; it doesn't have anything to do with me. But me "bugging" about it shows I care about him. neutral ] Or it just annoys the hell out and cause him to become crazy after years of stress. When people are so acostumed to things they don't want to change. Everyone to some level fears change.
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 7:21 pm
Revolutionary01 Passion_Dragon Revolutionary01 Why do you care so much? If that is what she does then it is a habit and it is very hard to change a habit. If here mom kept asking here she just probaly got used to it and says it all the time. [I can only speak for myself, but: It's hard not to care. sweatdrop When someone close to you (literally or figuritively), has a "bad habit" as you call it, it's difficult not to want to make them see that there's more out there. My younger brother is a couch potato. Consequently, he's shaped...like a potato. xd (I mean that he's overweight.) It's a "bad habit" he has, but I still want him to change. It doesn't affect me; it doesn't have anything to do with me. But me "bugging" about it shows I care about him. neutral ] Or it just annoys the hell out and cause him to become crazy after years of stress. When people are so acostumed to things they don't want to change. Everyone to some level fears change. [I'm not talking about harassing him, as I'm sure Dark_Lady_Jade isn't talking about constantly criticizing her cousin about being "color struck."
I'm talking about making the other person aware that someone else notices their "bad habits." Sometimes all you need is for someone to let you know they are thinking of you for you to think of yourself.
It doesn't matter that people don't want to change or fear change. Not when you really think about it. Humans adapt or we die, to put it bluntly.
Her cousin and my brother have years yet until they are older. For example, I wouldn't try to ask a fifty year old smoker to quit cold turkey.
You'd like to think that kids have the same rights as the village it takes to raise them, but we have to trust that we know better, and therefore we feel obligated to make suggestions for them to improve their lives.
It may sound inconsiderate, but that's how it is.
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