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 Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:12 pm
Okay people I'm asking you here to give me your thoughts on this. I feel like either I'm missing something here. Or I placed something that doesn't need to be there. I don't know, all I do know is that there's just something wrong. I want to see what you have to say about it before I place it in the Arenas.
If my eyes could speak
If my eyes could speak what would they say? Would they speak of my sorrow and pain? Or would they speak of just the opposite? What about my dreams and failures? My hopes and fears? And maybe just about everything else? And would they reveal the love I hide from you? I need you to tell me, what would they say? Where would they look? What would they reflect?
What kind of eyes do I have? Kind, compassionate ones? Or ones devoid of life and feeling? Would my eyes ever be worthy to look upon your face? Because I long for that sight. Every day and every night.
Deep in my heart I await your acknowledgement of my unspoken love. I wait between the acceptance and the rejection. I tiptoe through it slowly and gently. And I wait endlessly for the reply.
I can already tell that you know. The signs are all there that you just wish to be friends. So I stay silent just for your sake. But I haven’t heard your heart speak yet. And so I must wait. And just maybe with my eyes alone, I’ll show you that the they only speak of love, look towards only to you, and reflect only you.
If only my eyes could speak.
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Posted: Sat Jun 26, 2010 8:47 pm
It's good, but I think the eloquence with which your thoughts unraveled into words began to disappear about half-way through. The beginning is excellent and so is the general idea, but I think you'd do well to add some glitter and tinsel to the second half where you seem to transition from relatively abstract to mostly direct.
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