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 Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 5:39 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 5:42 pm
Authors note:
Sorry if the spelling isn't perfect it's not a finished copy. More of a heat of the moment type thing. Names will eventually be changed. But this is really my fear of what will happen. It is all real until after the msn conversation.
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Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:16 pm
It's hard to review something that isn't fiction....I mean, really. Comments are supposed to be impersonal, but when you're throwing up memoirs, it impossible for them to be anything but. If this was in your journal I'd offer advice, but since it's not...
Critique, here I go! biggrin
The style is appropriate for the type of story this is: teenager relationship drama. It's simple, nothing is really described past generic terms so it doesn't build too much personal atmosphere: most readers who live like this and deal with these problems will go 'it's me' biggrin Which is generally the goal with teen fiction.
That being said...if you do stray into fiction based off of this event later in your life, make sure to give character reasons for what they do beside simple inconsiderateness. Consider what Paul feels he needs to escape from that he's stoned all the time. Think about the neglect the parents all over the place are feeling. ( I think the problem with a lot of teenager books is they either demonize, saint, or wipe the parents out all together. They turn them into two dimensional figures. ) Or, if the main chracter had any friends besides her lover, go into a chapter or so about their bitterness over being forgotten and how they deal with it.
Anyway, sorry about my rambling. It was probably totally unhelpful XD
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