In elementary school, I was really a tomboy.. wearing boy's clothes and stuff like that. I didn't feel like I fit in, because I wasn't interested in doing "girl" things. In addition, I wasn't attracted to Justin Timberlake or any other boy band hunks (90's, ******** yeah).
In middle school, with the discovery of porn and masturbating, I started thinking about sexuality a lot. I found that I was attracted to both boys and girls. At the time, I recognized that I was neither straight nor a lesbian, and I admitted to my journal that I was bisexual. However, because the women I was "attracted" to were mostly teachers, I soon brushed this off as some weird equivalent to puppy love, and told myself that I was just a confused preteen.
Cue high school, which was relatively drama-free, at least compared to Degrassi. It began with more intense attractions towards teachers, and then moved on to other girls and boys in my school. Around 9th grade (my high school started in 8th), I recognized the attractions as being sexual rather than just "puppy love". At the end of 10th grade, I started dating a boy; we dated until the beginning of senior year. We never had sex, but I knew that I enjoyed the other sexual things we did together. Even with the boyfriend, however, my fantasies were still dominated by women. I also continued to deny being bisexual.
After I broke up with him, I realized that I no longer felt guilty about fantasizing about women, and that's when the floodgates broke. I became sort of obsessed with a friend of mine, "Jessica". I do tend to obsess over people, so it wasn't a really big deal, but the fantasies I had about her were more intense and sexual than they'd ever been. Luckily, I cooled my jets before I made a mistake, like trying to kiss her or something. Recently, I started flirting with my male neighbor, who's 21 and still living at home. He's super duper cute, but I was kind of just leading him on. sweatdrop
Anyways.. here I am, a high school graduate. I'm still attracted to both men and women, so I guess I'm bisexual. And I'd like to talk to someone about this, but I don't want it to end up that I'm not bisexual, and then everyone is like "omg remember when you said you were bi lolol".. so I guess that's why I'm confiding in strangers on Gaia. biggrin
I guess I don't have any questions.. but it felt good to say all of that and clear my head. Do you have any advice or.. anything to say? Thanks. :3
uhnnn I can't choose. heart
