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 Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 12:57 pm
Whenever something unfortunate happens, I have people tell me, "You're in my prayers," or "It's God's will," "Bless you," etc.
I've always felt really uncomfortable saying thank you (most of the time I have anyway to avoid looking unappreciative), but I don't know if it's my place to speak up. Do I have the right to convey that I don't want prayer or religious statements? I'm afraid that even "I appreciate your sentiments, but I'm nonreligious" could come across as rude.
Surely this is a situation some of you encounter as well, so how do you respond?
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Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 1:49 pm
This pickled vegetable...I agree completely.
Its a nice thought, but what's praying going to do after the bad stuff (whatever it was) has already passed?
Like when my best friend's younger sister died, I explained it to my group of friends at UCR and one of them asked "Is anyone praying for her? I'll pray for her for you." As if prayer was a life or death affair. She's already dead, what are your prayers gonna do? ... could kick your a** !!
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Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 1:51 pm
I know what you mean.
When I'm in a big heap video game or real life wise, someone tells me
"God speed" or "Your in my prayers"
It makes me feel like that I REALLY don't believe what they are doing and that they must have some kind of faith put into a higher power just to have some Russian roulette battle for my needs.
Bottom line:
I prefer the guy who have haiti 50$ over the guy who prayed for haiti.
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Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 1:59 pm
Captain_Shinzo I prefer the guy who have haiti 50$ over the guy who prayed for haiti. Exactly.
What will your prayers do for someone, a group of someones or even a whole country after a disaster has already happened? Prayers don't rebuild homes, prayers don't make water clean and drinkable, prayers don't fill empty bellies and prayers don't bring dead loved ones back to life. ... could kick your a** !!
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Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 2:09 pm
Renkon Root Captain_Shinzo I prefer the guy who have haiti 50$ over the guy who prayed for haiti. Exactly.
What will your prayers do for someone, a group of someones or even a whole country after a disaster has already happened? Prayers don't rebuild homes, prayers don't make water clean and drinkable, prayers don't fill empty bellies and prayers don't bring dead loved ones back to life. ... could kick your a** !!
"It's God's work."
For one, what would you call the destruction?
and two, you ignore all the help of time and the people who volunteered and helped and then give the credit to God?
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Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 2:13 pm
Captain_Shinzo It makes it worse if Haiti actually gets functional and someone says
"It's God's work."
For one, what would you call the destruction?
and two, you ignore all the help of time and the people who volunteered and helped and then give the credit to God? You need not even apply it to something so large. If an individual has degenerative medical condition but they manage to live for 17 long years people will still say "Its a miracle!", "Look at the gift god has given you."
But was it not also "god" whom gave them said medical condition in the first place? It wasn't a miracle from god that kept this person alive for so long, it was medical science. ... could kick your a** !!
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Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 2:29 pm
I'm glad to know that I'm not alone. Speaking of medical conditions, though, I broke my foot last month and I keep getting prayers for a speedy recovery. Even though I say thank you, my hesitancy gets the best of me and makes me feel like an a**. I've never been that good at masking feelings of discomfort. I'm awfully shy, so my body language gives me away even before I say anything xp
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Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 2:39 pm
This pickled vegetable...Nowadays I mostly just tell people, "Thank you, but that's not necessary."
If they wanna go home and pray for me/my friend/my friend's dead sister, that's their prerogative. Just so long as they try to use their praying as a means to endear themselves to me. ... could kick your a** !!
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Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 9:38 pm
I can deal with people saying they'll pray themselves for something. It's when they demand I join them that I get irked.
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Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 9:43 pm
People say it all the time to me, they say it in good intentions, so I don't think high of it. I mean I'm a "Catholic" but I never say I'm going to pray for someone, because I know I won't.
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Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 10:02 pm
I usually just say "thank you" because their heart is in the right place.
That, and when people say "He/she is in a better place." upon losing someone.
They mean well, I don't see any reason to stop them.
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Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 11:13 pm
I will admit, they DO mean well, however... it never comes to mind that not everyone is a Christian. That ignorant assumption of doing something so little is what irks me, just a little thought process put into something so possible to be none existent.
The greatest problem I have about it is because it was involved in my childhood. I had dangerous asthma, very bad stuff.
People tried to pray for me to get better.
That did s**t for 3 years and the only thing people could say is
"God works in mysterious ways".
I started eating a shitload of fruit to help my body, did breathing exercises when I was alone, taught myself how to even USE my respiratory system to control my emotions and how calm I am.
But all those years of doing that and all people can say is
"It's God's work boy, he did think about ya today."
It actually gives me this sick, headache feeling.
< Shinzo received +1 in rambling! >
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Posted: Sun Jun 13, 2010 12:23 am
It isn't only Christians who pray for people. I have been prayed for by a Shaman before, and I am Christian.
There are other people who don't believe in God at all who have told me that I would be in their thoughts, and they wished the best for me.
Just think of it as that person's way to wish you well despite the circumstances. Many people truly believe that a prayer to God can help improve circumstances. Is a prayer really any different than a spell, or fervent wishes even.
Many beliefs are centered on positive reinforcement, which, when we really examine it, that is all prayer really comes down to. It is just that the person praying believes that there is Someone listening, Who knows what is best.
When someone offers to pray for someone after a death, it is usually with the thoughts of that person's family, not the person who died.
Our society is moving away from the idea that it must endorse one religion as prominent. Now that other less recognized religions are entering the spotlight, more and more Christians (and others) are realizing that acceptance is paramount in continuing this trend in a positive direction. If people learn to accept the positive sides of other religions, maybe everyone will be able to eventually realize that there is nothing to gain by force feeding others.
So, instead of telling someone that you don't want their prayers, just say thanks for the thought. Then, next time you see that person down, tell them that you will keep them in your thoughts. Give them the opportunity to accept your version of positive reinforcement.
That's my suggestion anyway...
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Posted: Sun Jun 13, 2010 1:02 am
It always makes me feel uncomfortable. I know that they mean well, that their intentions are sweet. But it still makes me uncomfortable.
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Posted: Sun Jun 13, 2010 8:51 am
Eltanin Sadachbia It isn't only Christians who pray for people. I have been prayed for by a Shaman before, and I am Christian. There are other people who don't believe in God at all who have told me that I would be in their thoughts, and they wished the best for me. Just think of it as that person's way to wish you well despite the circumstances. Many people truly believe that a prayer to God can help improve circumstances. Is a prayer really any different than a spell, or fervent wishes even. Many beliefs are centered on positive reinforcement, which, when we really examine it, that is all prayer really comes down to. It is just that the person praying believes that there is Someone listening, Who knows what is best. When someone offers to pray for someone after a death, it is usually with the thoughts of that person's family, not the person who died. Our society is moving away from the idea that it must endorse one religion as prominent. Now that other less recognized religions are entering the spotlight, more and more Christians (and others) are realizing that acceptance is paramount in continuing this trend in a positive direction. If people learn to accept the positive sides of other religions, maybe everyone will be able to eventually realize that there is nothing to gain by force feeding others. So, instead of telling someone that you don't want their prayers, just say thanks for the thought. Then, next time you see that person down, tell them that you will keep them in your thoughts. Give them the opportunity to accept your version of positive reinforcement. That's my suggestion anyway...
I tell people "you're in my thoughts" when something bad comes up in their life. The only reason I'm uncomfortable with their wishes is the presumption that I'm religious. I honestly can tell the person means well, which is why I continue to say thank you. It's just hard for me to sound like I mean it wholeheartedly when it's a person I'm close to that knows I'm not religious.
I do see where you're coming from, and thanks for your insight smile
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