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I've always been attacking everyone else for not "speaking out".
I hadn't realized that I haven't even told my own story...

For the sake of privacy, I changed the names of the people involved.
Also; I had made MANY mistakes that lead up to the actual assault. I ask you please not judge me for any of these mistakes, or say that I "deserved it".


...
It started two years ago.
My best friend, D was obsessed with some guy she had met at a concert. However, we were only 13, while he was 23. He lived in Arizona, but he had came up north to where we were to see this concert. My friend had exchanged phone numbers and emails with him there.
D told me he'd come up again to see her. She'd introduce me to him, and I agreed. When he came up to see us that summer, I was shocked. He looked only 17, and he was a very attractive Latino man. Kind of like the men you see in those Latin American Western Romance movie. He mentioned how he had a love for "Filipina women", and that he thought I was one of the most beautiful he'd ever met.
I'll admit, he was handsome. I shook his hand, and he seemed very polite. He stayed for a few weeks later...
I was later informed that he, (I'll call him Carlos) and D had had sex together the last week of his visit.
I was so upset at D that I had stopped talking to her...
Of course, we began to talk again soon afterwards.

I received a mysterious email from an anonymous person who stated they knew me. Of course, I blocked them. I also received a few texts from Carlos and he kept telling me that he liked me a lot, and that D was a slut. I couldn't agree more.

We kept talking via text and email for over a year.
I gave him my address, hoping he'd come and visit me some day.
He promised he would. He even sent me a card on my 14th birthday.


[Here's where the actual rape itself takes place]
Carlos was in town.
When my mom had left the house for a visit to the "bank", I texted Carlos, telling him that I was alone, and asking him when he'd arrive. He said he would be there soon. So, I waited.

When the doorbell finally DID ring, I answered it, knowing Carlos would be there. He was... actually... but I didn't recognize him. He looked upset, and he hid something behind his back as I let him inside. He looked worn out, and he smelled different... a musky smell of dirt or smoke.

A few minutes after I lead him inside, he revealed to me that he had a gun in his back pocket, and he had taken it out for me to see. I don't remember if I was afraid or not... I couldn't tell if he was serious about actually using it. Carlos asked me to take him to my room, but I kindly refused and tried to take him elsewhere. He did press the gun against me, and asked again for me to take him to my room... I did.

He made me close the windows tightly, so that no one could hear that he was there. He commented on my room (It's the same room I sleep in to this day, and my daughter sleeps in it as well) the conversation was short-lived though, seeing as how I was afraid of him now, knowing I'd just made a HUGE mistake asking him to come into my house.

He had me lay on my back on the bed, where he kept the gun on my side-table. He took off my clothes slowly, and raped me. Afterwards, I felt sick... I didn't know how to feel, it almost felt like I couldn't feel anything for a moment. We were both sweaty... smelly, I'd imagine.

He had made me wash myself up, and clean off. He took his sweet-a** time leaving my house. We were both clean, and after the assault was supposedly over, he beat me.

He left a few hours before my mom had came back from the bank... she noticed right away that I was beaten, and that I had bruises on my arms and legs. I lied to her, and gave her some cheesy reason as to why I was bruised.

Months later, I was sick to my stomach every few or so hours every morning. My mom, (who isn't really that good at noticing things...) didn't really see a pattern in my sickness... but I did. I had asked a friend of mine to shop-lift a pregnancy test for me from our local drug store, and the test came out positive. I eventually told my mother about the pregnancy and about the assault. Police were called, and they had told us that they'd give us a call if they find him.

To this day, the police never called back.


Obviously, I had kept my daughter. She was born three months ago, and no, things have not been as "perfect" as I sometimes make it seem... but life sure isn't as bad as it could be.

I have a wonderful little girl who brings so much energy and joy into my life, and a very supportive mother. I feel that things might not get any better than it is already, and I might as well be grateful.

And besides, you live with your own mistakes. The mistakes that I had made ended up giving me a baby... It seemed bad at first, but I have a better bond with my mother now, and I have something positive to do with my life.

Oh my.
That's terrible.
I've heard of people being raped at gunpoint, but I was yet to actually meet one.
I'm glad that you decided to keep your daughter. That was a very brave decision you made.

I'm sorry to hear of your ordeal,but thankfully you recovered
un-like many others.You are commendable for raising the child
and being strong enough to keep going after that.May life hand
you the best for now,and in the future.

Thankyou.

u trust sumone and they tak dat trust 4 granit but its not ur fault i dnt noe how to put it mayb u jst used bad judgement but none of it waz ur fault though and i feel very sorry for u gurl and one more thing never call da popos dey wnt do nuthin s**t dey aint do nuthin fo me wen i was raped but dats beside da point hope ya feel better. ^w^

Thankyou,
And no... she didn't exactly "freak out" about it.
She was surprisingly calm, and I'm pretty glad for it.
She didn't really want to accept it at first, and we both kind of kept our distance... but now we have a stronger bond.

And by the way, you had spelled "priority" right.
:'D