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This is one of those things where I feel it is not an overly serious issue, but I would still like some sense talked into me and to hear others opinions and input. Please bear with me. This might be long becuase I tend to ramble.

Well, I am out on my own for the first time. Not only that, but in a different state far from any family and from all I knew. I come from (northern, bay area) California, but I am currently living in San Antonio, Texas. How did I get here? Why here of all places? My dad had a generous job offer here and invited me to come live with him. I thought why not? On the same trip that he came out to get me and my stuff (he drove so he could haul it back by car and not pay a lot for moving companies or rental trucks) he propsed to his girlfriend. She accepted and he began planning to move back to California. Very soon after, he found a decent job offer in San Diego. It would be a 8-10 hour drive or 1 hour plane ride from his fiancee, but atleast they would be in the same state and time zone. This job was only supposed to last him 1-3 years until he retired anyways.

Now, that left me with some serious decision making to do. 1) I could move back in with my mom and step-dad. 2) I could go with my dad to San Deigo. 3) I could stay in Texas and strike out on my own. 4) Find some friends in California who will want to and could move into a place with me within 2-3 months. I choose option #3 obviously. I made it clear that I didn't want to move back into my mom's for many reasons. The main one being it would be too much stress on my step-dad . . . I didn't want to move into my dad's becuase he was planning on getting married within the next year. I didn't want to be in the way and I don't care much for southern california other than a place to vacation.

I guess I am just very lonely out here and missing California so much. Which brings me to another problem. My current boyfriend (as far as internet ones go, yes I know most of your opinions on this subject). Part of the reason I agreed to move out to Texas in the first place was to be closer to him. He lives in Alabama. True, still afew states away, but atleast in the same time zone, lol. a couple months before I made the move, we had a bad falling out, but I moved anyways. I moved to Texas in July. Around mid-August we got back in contact and rebuilt. Now we are back together again. I'm still trying to save up to drive out and visit him for a bit. It would be our first time in person.

Where's the trouble? Well, remember how I said I wanted to move back to California? He visited southern California once and hated it. He doesn't really care for California on a whole and has no intention of going back there even for a visit. I'm scared now becuase I do want things to work between us, but I'm in a hard place. I feel like it is either him or California or nothing. I've tried to talk to him about it and see what his bad expirences were, but he has made it clear he doesn't like California. I'm not trying to force him to change his mind about my home state, although I wish he would give it another chance. Especially since he hasn't visited the area where I am from.

I don't know what to do. I know for now I will have to take it one step at a time and just atleast meet the guy first and see what happens. I have known him for almost 2 1/2 years now and all of it online. We have seen each other on cam and talked on the phone.

Aside from him, I don't know what to do with my self. Yes, I have ideas of things I'd like to do in terms of careers, but I don't have the means (money mainly) or support to pursue it. I don't have any friends here even though I have tried to be social. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I am in a very bland, boring exsistance right now and nothing I do to spice it up seems to work. I miss California and my friends and fmaily there so much. If I had the money to, I would move back and find a place there. But then that leaves me with fear and questions about my bf.

Help me please. I'm stuck.

EDIT:

I knew I would miss home and friends and family. I never planned on staying in Texas the rest of my life or even for a long time. I always planned on moving back to California. But now that my bf is back in the picture . . . I know every state, city, and town will have it's ups and downs. Everyone will find something they don't like. I know where I am from is not the best place. I know that my bf, if he ever does visit it, might still find something to hate about it.

Thank you, Soleq.

Yeah, I already knew most of that. It's just the thought of loosing him and having to start over, no matter how much time I give myself and such. On top of that, I feel kinda stuck out here in Texas. Shortly after I left California, teo of my friends got a place together and I have no idea that's what they were doing. I kinda felt like "Hey!? What about me?" I might be able to get a transfer with Walgreen's back to California aince they are a national chain.

That's another problem. I need a better job, but it is hard right now. Not just becuase of how the market it, but becuase I'm also trying to limit my job search to national chains so I can transfer and move if I wanted to. It would be easier that way. I have been trying to get a job with a bank like BofA or Washington Mutual since they pay really good, have good benifits, and are everywhere.