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 Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 1:43 am
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:43 pm
I shall..
Masochism was pretty good, only it's a drabble, not a oneshot.
It isn't long enough to really be a oneshot. . . =/
In Narcissism (which is also a drabble, by the way) all of the underlined words should be italicized instead. The dream/memory part, you need to pick one or the other. It makes for smoother, better reading. But it was pretty interesting. I don't really like the way it ends, though. It seems so... blah. I can't explain it. Maybe I could tell you later. It just sort of cuts off awkwardly.
Your Axel x Roxas story, the songfic for Thunder (By Boys Like Girls -- love that song!) was good... probably because I love Akuroku so much. xD Could have again been a oneshot. I understand that the POVs alternated every chapter, but at the beginning you could have written an Author's note explaining that between each song line the POV switches. It's not terribly confusing. Or you could just write it in. Still, I enjoyed it. I love dark akuroku. No idea why. They're so cute together, but I love ripping them apart... -gets evil gleam in eye-
This story could perhaps use a bit more detail... some metaphors, similees maybe? Spice it up a bit? But still, overall it was pretty good.
Think you could do a favor a read some of mine, in turn? (I too write Akuroku. Loads of it.) Just click that link down there in my sig. Thanks! <3
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