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 Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 8:00 pm
I've already gotten criticism so I edited what I was asked smile
Oh, and Tori is a boy if you're wondering.
I might make him a girl but I feel better with him as a boy
-
The frosted pane of glass that winter screamed in displeasure, even the wind howling against the walls, gut punching the windows opened; several doors as well. I always remembered this scenery for I was the dreamer, an illogical-hypothetical-never-could-stand-a-chance-in-the-real-world dreamer. A dreamer transfixed in the outside world, with the elements and Mother Nature. No one understood my obsession with the ocean, why everyday I’d rather be swimming in water under at freezing temperatures, than in this town.
Maybe that was a little bit too much, but I’d rather be anywhere but here.
The lightning danced across the sky in one swift motion as I listened to footsteps which followed this rhythmatic path. It was an ongoing argument between funds for a trip we were supposed to be taking. The argument went on like the storm, never ending and the decision in the end, frightening to some. Then when a great bolt roared down out of the skies striking the ground, some just simply cowered in fear.
In a rush of wind and rain, the storm released all its pent up fury, slamming open windows and blowing leaves off trees.
“Tori, what are you thinking about?” My boyfriend came up to me, leaning against the railing next to me.
“I want to go swimming. I want feel that saltwater cover my body. Carter, will you take me?” I reached out as if grasping for the rain.
“You have all the time in the world. Remember that time it snowed?" Carter smiled, turning to look at the storm.
"Yeah, everything was frozen for weeks. I couldn't go swimming because the side streets were all covered in ice. There was no way to get there.”
“And you sat in the bathtub. You filled it with idolized sea salt and you sat in there until you were able to go out into the ocean.” He chuckled. “You’re like a sea creature or something.”
“Or something.”
He smiled, pulling me into a warm embrace.
For a sudden moment, I could feel myself falling, slipping under the water. It was as if my legs and arms had all stopped moving and I could feel the seaweed grabbing onto my legs as if tangling around to pull me under. My eyes opened, water burning my eyes at sudden contact.
“Tori…” Carter’s voice turned me to reality, “are you okay?”
“Yeah, let’s go get lunch…” I grabbed his hand, pulling him along to the school.
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Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 8:45 pm
Aiding Imperfection I've already gotten criticism so I edited what I was asked smile Oh, and Tori is a boy if you're wondering. I might make him a girl but I feel better with him as a boy - The frosted pane of glass that winter screamed in displeasure, even the wind howling against the walls, gut punching the windows opened; several doors as well. I always remembered this scenery for I was the dreamer, an illogical-hypothetical-never-could-stand-a-chance-in-the-real-world dreamer. A dreamer transfixed in the outside world, with the elements and Mother Nature. No one understood my obsession with the ocean, why everyday I’d rather be swimming in water under at freezing temperatures, than in this town. Maybe that was a little bit too much, but I’d rather be anywhere but here. The lightning danced across the sky in one swift motion as I listened to footsteps which followed this rhythmatic path. It was an ongoing argument between funds for a trip we were supposed to be taking. The argument went on like the storm, never ending and the decision in the end, frightening to some. Then when a great bolt roared down out of the skies striking the ground, some just simply cowered in fear. In a rush of wind and rain, the storm released all its pent up fury, slamming open windows and blowing leaves off trees. “Tori, what are you thinking about?” My boyfriend came up to me, leaning against the railing next to me. “I want to go swimming. I want feel that saltwater cover my body. Carter, will you take me?” I reached out as if grasping for the rain. “You have all the time in the world. Remember that time it snowed?" Carter smiled, turning to look at the storm. "Yeah, everything was frozen for weeks. I couldn't go swimming because the side streets were all covered in ice. There was no way to get there.” “And you sat in the bathtub. You filled it with idolized sea salt and you sat in there until you were able to go out into the ocean.” He chuckled. “You’re like a sea creature or something.” “Or something.” He smiled, pulling me into a warm embrace. For a sudden moment, I could feel myself falling, slipping under the water. It was as if my legs and arms had all stopped moving and I could feel the seaweed grabbing onto my legs as if tangling around to pull me under. My eyes opened, water burning my eyes at sudden contact. “Tori…” Carter’s voice turned me to reality, “are you okay?” “Yeah, let’s go get lunch…” I grabbed his hand, pulling him along to the school. What did you mean by idolized sea salt. (see red)
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Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 9:15 pm
IsolatedMadnessRP Aiding Imperfection I've already gotten criticism so I edited what I was asked smile Oh, and Tori is a boy if you're wondering. I might make him a girl but I feel better with him as a boy - The frosted pane of glass that winter screamed in displeasure, even the wind howling against the walls, gut punching the windows opened; several doors as well. I always remembered this scenery for I was the dreamer, an illogical-hypothetical-never-could-stand-a-chance-in-the-real-world dreamer. A dreamer transfixed in the outside world, with the elements and Mother Nature. No one understood my obsession with the ocean, why everyday I’d rather be swimming in water under at freezing temperatures, than in this town. Maybe that was a little bit too much, but I’d rather be anywhere but here. The lightning danced across the sky in one swift motion as I listened to footsteps which followed this rhythmatic path. It was an ongoing argument between funds for a trip we were supposed to be taking. The argument went on like the storm, never ending and the decision in the end, frightening to some. Then when a great bolt roared down out of the skies striking the ground, some just simply cowered in fear. In a rush of wind and rain, the storm released all its pent up fury, slamming open windows and blowing leaves off trees. “Tori, what are you thinking about?” My boyfriend came up to me, leaning against the railing next to me. “I want to go swimming. I want feel that saltwater cover my body. Carter, will you take me?” I reached out as if grasping for the rain. “You have all the time in the world. Remember that time it snowed?" Carter smiled, turning to look at the storm. "Yeah, everything was frozen for weeks. I couldn't go swimming because the side streets were all covered in ice. There was no way to get there.” “And you sat in the bathtub. You filled it with idolized sea salt and you sat in there until you were able to go out into the ocean.” He chuckled. “You’re like a sea creature or something.” “Or something.” He smiled, pulling me into a warm embrace. For a sudden moment, I could feel myself falling, slipping under the water. It was as if my legs and arms had all stopped moving and I could feel the seaweed grabbing onto my legs as if tangling around to pull me under. My eyes opened, water burning my eyes at sudden contact. “Tori…” Carter’s voice turned me to reality, “are you okay?” “Yeah, let’s go get lunch…” I grabbed his hand, pulling him along to the school. What did you mean by idolized sea salt. (see red) you can buy idolized salt water for piercings and some people find it healthier. It's like tasting regular sea water and it's disgusting tori likes salt water =3= i don't know why
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Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 10:06 pm
It isn't idolized, it's iodized. It's a chemical process. The only reason they iodize salt so that people get their dietary intake of iodine. You do not need it if you are just going to poor it into a bath tub. If you want bath tub sea salts, you get bath tub sea salts. Iodized sea salt is for eating.
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Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 10:17 pm
Shafweh It isn't idolized, it's iodized. It's a chemical process. The only reason they iodize salt so that people get their dietary intake of iodine. You do not need it if you are just going to poor it into a bath tub. If you want bath tub sea salts, you get bath tub sea salts. Iodized sea salt is for eating. I didn't realize i spelled it wrong =-=
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Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 1:51 am
Is this the whole thing? I'd say make it longer. It leaves me wanting to know more about the characters, and to see more of their story.
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Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 3:20 am
Sinabelle Is this the whole thing? I'd say make it longer. It leaves me wanting to know more about the characters, and to see more of their story. of course there is more. But this is what I wrote so far cause I'm debating on keeping him male or not
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