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 Posted: Sat May 29, 2010 12:43 pm
 She was still trying to get used to this whole pregnancy thing, but had to admit that now she knew what was wrong with her she felt quite a lot better for it. She'd been having weird dreams, too, which she remembered with such vivid clarity. Usually dreams were easily forgotten or faded, but these...it was like they were really happening. And not all of these dreams were good...
Some she wished she could forget.
Even still, despite her widening middle, she seemed happy enough. At this current time she was busy sunning herself in the late afternoon rays, her wings spread out across the grass, her back left open to the warmth. The trails of black braids fell about her face and pooled around her paws.
The snake bangles, usually clasped to her forearms, were swaying to and throw in the sun perhaps a half a metre away from where she lay. Their jewelled eyes glinting beautifully in the light. In fact, if one looked closer, they seemed to be swaying in time with Rokopelli, her head tilting gently from side to side as she hummed a soft tune to herself.
She was young, yes. Perhaps too young to have children. Perhaps to irresponsible, too. But it was probable that Rokopelli - even as an adult - would remain the child-like creature she had been since birth. So innocent. So gentle. So eager for play and adventure, free of responsibility...until now, of course. Would she be a good parent? Well, only time would tell. But it was clear that this little Goddess would do all she could to keep them safe and protected along with her beloved mate. She was thinking, too, that heading home to the Dawnwalkers might be a good idea. She knew them and trusted them and believed it to be a good, safe place for them to grow up.
She wanted to at least try and be a better parent than her own mother had been to her.
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Posted: Sat May 29, 2010 3:46 pm
But he was a god of rhetoric, and he was feeling sick and drained from not talking to anyone. Penya, the little klipspringer from Pala’s herd, had been following him, but he had lost her recently. He hoped she went home, back to her herd, and left him alone. He didn’t need reminders of his past family following him about.
Tired and drained, he moved through the grasslands, the sun bearing down on his golden back and making him sleepy. It wasn’t until he looked up that he noticed the glint shimmering off of the eyes of the eyes of Rokopelli’s snakes, and curious, he moved closer, still wondering if he should disguise himself as a mortal.
When he did see who it was, he saw there was no need, and his sprung up about him, excited to see a familiar face. Chaos had been a confusing but fun goddess to meet, and it felt like ages since he saw her.
“Rokopelli!” He cried out, picking up his step and moving towards the rainbow-winged goddess. His wide grin was almost as bright as his mane, that was until he noticed her large belly. While he was younger, he might have said she was just getting fat, but he had seen pregnancies in the herd before. The rounding stomach and the smiling female made him slow to a stop a few feet before her, and he frowned. “……you’re…….are you…” Not one for broken sentences, he continued. “You’re pregnant?”
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Posted: Sun May 30, 2010 5:22 am
Unaware of the approaching youngster - a friend she had met whilst helping the mortal she had inadvertently cursed - Rokopelli was thus surprised to hear someone calling out her name. Apparently this land was good for meeting up with friends - old and new. First she had met Mtima a few days back, who had told her the wonderful news:
She wasn't sick, she was pregnant!
Now she was taking it easy, relaxing and eating, relying on Silos to bring her food when he had a successful hunt. It was weird how pregnancy had changed her lifestyle so much in so short a time. She felt somewhat ready to start 'nesting'. Settling down for the good of her brood. Rokopelli, whilst knowing she had a home, had always been a traveller, albeit not a very good traveller. She often got lost, often got side-tracked along the way. But such things had brought such adventure, was it truly a bad thing? But...out here in this land was no place for little godlings to be raised. She knew nothing of them, knowing only that her childhood had been...less than happy, but had a feeling that they would not have powers straight away, nothing to protect them against those who might harm them. It had taken her until a few weeks ago to fully master her powers and even now there were...hiccups.
Her bi-coloured eyes flashed open, seeing the golden youngster dashing towards her. A little bigger now, perhaps? But, she would know him anywhere. The pretty hair a total give away.
"Khuluma!" She chirped back, overjoyed to see him. She opened her mouth to continue when he spoke again, his expression different now.
Oh, he had noticed...
She wriggled with slight embarrassment, dipping her head and flicking back her ears. "Um...we are...yes." She shifted a little, surprised and shamed that he would know such things when she had thought otherwise. Even still, Khuluma always had seemed to be a mature boy, especially in comparison to her. She ought not to have been surprised, really.
"We just found out...was...quite a surprise." She sent him a sheepish sort of grin. Yes, this meeting was no doubt going to be a little different.
And then she realised. She wasn't the only one who was 'different', this time. He...he seemed troubled. His thoughts quite unlike the time they had first met when he had been so...so...
"Khuluma..." She ventured softly. "Are you okay?"
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Posted: Sun May 30, 2010 5:03 pm
Khuluma was different to the energetic and bright-eyed cub that she first met. Still roaming on his own, the younger him had yet to meet Pala and his heard, and feel that intense pressure weighing on his chest. The golden lion was growing up, and he hit a few bumps in his life since he last saw Rokopelli.
When she seemed happy with the news, offering a small grin, he felt a surge of hatred that he wasn’t prepared for. It came out strong and left a sour taste in his mouth, and he was instantly ashamed for thinking anything bad in regards to Roko, a lioness who had only been nice to him. He should he happy for her to find someone she loved and have children, but her happiness was something that only intensified the burning jealousy and a spot still tender in him. Khuluma was struck with love’s arrow, and it was a wound that was still bleeding.
“I’m…alive.” Saying he was ‘good’ or ‘fine’ just wasn’t right, and he instead left his words hanging in the air. Alive was good enough at this point, and he was looking at the positives. Alive, but hurting. Alive, but sad. Alive, but alone. Alive was all he could say at this point.
“You seem happy. I congratulate you. I’m sure you’re children will be lovely, and I’m sure you’re happy with your mate, right?” Forcing a soft smile, he tilted his head and offered her only his sincerest hopes that she was happy and that nothing would go wrong with her, yet when he opened them, his smile started to fade and his eyes went back to looking at her tummy. Really, he shouldn’t have noticed. It was barely anything at all, and if he hadn’t been aware, he might have just said she was getting fat or was sleeping in a weird way. Whatever the reason was, he did notice, and he couldn’t help but notice.
“You’re lucky. You can create a family all on your own. Men want you, run off to find you, and create with you.” his eyes looked back up to her. “I’m a god and even I don’t have that power.” he breathed out, ears turning back as he sat.
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Posted: Mon May 31, 2010 6:28 am
Her eyes grew slightly sad. Something had happened to him. She wasn't sure what, as emotions were something that Rokopelli wasn't great on, despite the fact that her powers enhanced her perception of them. It was an odd thing, really. Like seeing a stampede heading her way but not really understanding that unless she got out of its way, she could be trampled.
His answer only confirmed what she was sensing. Not good. Not good at all. Where was the Khuluma she had first met? What had happened to make such a young God (young physically, anyway) be so sad?
"We are lucky. Thank you." She agreed softly. And she was. Truly, truly lucky. She never would have imagined that she might be a part of something like this. To have a family of her own. She had spent her life adopting siblings and parents to make up for the lack of family in her life. And now, finally, after so long of wandering she had everything she could ever want. Friends. Contentment amongst her personalities. A mate. Cubs on the way. What would her mother have thought if she could see her now? Would she realise she had made a terrible mistake the day she had abandoned her little confused child?
She tipped his head, confused. Khuluma had such a way with words but...Roko was a simpleton. She didn't understand something unless it was pointed out to her in the most simplest of terms. Did he...want to be pregnant?
"No, silly." Pelli butted in, separating herself from her more dozy counterpart.
"No?" She echoed herself.
"He wants a girlfriend!" Pelli rolled her eyes and tucked her wings in tightly against her sides.
"Wha--!?" She blinked, tipping her head and then her personalities settled somewhat. She turned her gaze to him and, snapping to attention, ordered the snake bangles back into place upon her forearms. They did so obediently, turning to inanimate objects once more.
"But Khuluma, you're still a baby! There is plenty of timeses for that."
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Posted: Mon May 31, 2010 9:25 pm
It should have been a true testimony of how well Rokopelli personified her domain, as she both looked confused and made Khuluma’s head hurt for a moment. He had no idea what she was talking about, and gaped when she said he wanted a girlfriend. The very idea made him step back once away from her, curling up a paw to his chest to still his beating heart.
“I don’t want a girlfriend!” He couldn’t even see himself with one, and he wondered how in Blue Blazer she thought of that. It was his talk of pregnancy that came back to mind, and he saw his mistake He hadn’t been clear. Too much talk and not enough explanation. If he was talking about family, she would naturally assume he was thinking about mating, and that meant a female. A “girlfriend”, and really, why should he at this point? Oh, but he just didn’t FEEL it. Zebadie had said he would feel that pull to mate just as Pala did when he grew up, but he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to run away from his friends, to be selfish, and run off to find a stranger to have cubs. He wanted to KNOW them, and he wanted it to be because he loved them, not because growing up told him too.
“I think I wasn’t clear. ….I don’t want a girlfriend. I wanted someone else, but …” What would Rokopelli think of him if he admitted he liked a older God? Well, she was a rather unorthodox goddess anyways, and he wanted to talk about it. “….I found someone, Rokopelli. He was very kind to me and took me in. He was my family, but he grew up and went to find a mate. He left and had children with a goddess. He left, because I’m a boy….because I’m too young.” Roko did say he had a while before he could even think about a girlfriend, and that stung. Pala knew that, probably, and saw he wasn’t able.
“I wish I wasn’t a baby. I wish I was older and prettier. I thought I was pretty….” But he obviously wasn’t if it didn’t keep Pala at his herd and instead running off to find a goddess. He just didn’t hold a candle to a goddess.
Ears turned down, he looked at the Goddess before him. “You’re so pretty. I bet you make your mate happy. I bet he never leaves you to find someone else. No one ever wants me. I tried being pretty, but I'm not good enough. No one wants to have a family with me.”
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Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 5:06 pm
Whoops! She slapped a paw over her mouth as if to keep her from saying something else stupid and inwardly, Roko grumbled to her other self that she should have butted out and minded her own business. If experience had taught her anything it was that if her mind was working in unison she tended to think clearer - if only a little. Once her personalities started debating (or...arguing) then that's when things like this happened!! And Khuluma was a friend! And, even if they had only met once before, that was enough to stamp him a friend for life in her book.
She stilled her racing mind as it seemed he was about to explain himself and drew a little closer, wishing for once that her belly would step getting in the way! Moving was such a pain at the moment!
Someone else? She shook her head very slightly, clearly rather bemused about all this but not willing to say so until she was sure he had finished with his explanation. Luckily, he hadn't.
Khuluma was certainly good with his words and, as the goddess listened, even Rokopelli - normally so addled by such things - was starting to make sense of the little one's troubles. And such big troubles for such a small lion, too! Her heart went out to him for it. No one deserved to live with such...such...helplessness and heartache. And, by the end of her explanation, Rokopelli's chest felt tight with grief, her breathing shallow and panicked.
"Khuluma!" She shook her head, eyes wide. "Khuluma! You are pretty! We have never evereverever seen anyone as pretty as you are. Look at you! You have the prettiest hair of anyone we've ever met!" And that was the truth. It was definitely pretty.
She had half a mind to find this god and throttle some damn sense into him. Stupid!Stupid!Stupid!
She shifted closer, purring in an attempt to sooth. "Khuluma shouldn't wish to grow up too soonses." She crooned. "Cos being big isn't always good thing. And once you're big, that's it! No more growing. All done." Her ears drooped sadly, suddenly seeming lost for words.
She shook her head. "Maybe...maybe now just isn't the right timeses for it. Sometimes...sometimes it happens when we don't expect. Like...like with us! We were friends one minute and suddenly, love!" She wasn't sure if that was actually going to help matters very much.
"Khuluma...we love you."
She tried to gather her thoughts to continue, but there was so much going on in her head now, flitting from good things to bad: throttle idiot god. Tell Khuluma there are other cats in the sky. Throttle idiot god. Tell Khuluma that he'll find someone who'll want to be with him every moment of every day. THROTTLE IDIOT GOD!!!
She cut off her thoughts with a soft mewling sound, finding herself hating herself for disliking this god she had never met. But he had broken Khuluma's heart - and worse!! - gone off with someone else right before his eyes.
Oh Khuluma...
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Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 9:06 pm
Since he didn’t have parents, he never grew up getting use to hugs or expecting them, but by his own impulse and need, he moved closer to the large goddess, her purring luring him in. Before he knew it, he was against her, nuzzling her chest and breathing deep, trying not to cry. “If I’m so pretty, why didn’t he stay with me?!” He didn’t get it. What made him so horrible to stay with and what was he lacking that make Pala have to go looking for someone else to have a family with? All he knew was that mating meant that males wanted to have children, and because he didn’t have that ability, he was no good. “I just want to have a family all my own, and I can’t. I wanted a family with him!! I know that it’s not what’s to be expected, but it happened and I liked him. I liked him a lot!” Roko was preaching to the choir by saying that love just happened, and while it may have been a small crush, it was a BIG deal for him. It was the first time in his life he was with someone for a long time. All the other people he met was only for a short visit and then they were gone to go to their own lives and families. He was always alone, and Pala had been the one to invite him to be part of his family. The very first, and he grew so attached.
Hot tears rolled down into her fur, and he curled into her, shoulders shaking as he sobbed. He needed a friend, and Roko was the best one in the whole wide world right now. She was his bestest-bestest friend.
“I don’t want to wait to grow up. I want a family now! I hate traveling alone. I have being alone. I want someone just for me! I want someone to talk to. To always be there. To be mine and say that I’m family, too.” He dug his head further into the goddess’ chest, muffling his words.
“I want people to like me.”
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Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 3:40 pm
Lucky for Khuluma, Rokopelli was more than willing to give hugs. She hooked her chin over him, using her neck to press him closer against her and - in the same motion - lifted her wings as if in an attempt to shield him from the world.
"Because he's stupid." She replied. Perhaps not the most sensible thing to say to him, but its what she believed, anyway. "That's what we think. We know you are pretty. We're confused about lotses of things, but not that."
She hugged him tighter, feeling tears rising in the rims of her eyes. She hated to hear him so sad. Her chest constricted and she shook her head again, softly. "Khuluma...you will. Someday you will. We promises you that. Maybe not this god, but another will. We promise!" And she knew it would happen. After all, Khuluma was a shining and beautiful little God and as he grew, he was bound to get even more handsome. He would find someone someday.
She had never really, really desired children. Not really. All Rokopelli wanted was a mother and a father and some siblings to love and adore and take care of her. So, to that extent, she could sort of understand the sadness he was feeling.
The loneliness.
The fear.
The anger.
It was still there lingering in her heart, ready to burst free should she ever set eye upon her mother again. But...for now it was safely locked away behind the love of the new family she had made. For now, she just wanted to forget all those negative feelings and move on. Finally...finally she felt like she could do that.
"Sometimes...sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes we are aloneses. Not good. Very sad." Being alone had actually been the cause of her...personality disorder, after all. "But bad times...they never last. Always go. You don't have to be alone, Khuluma. We are here and we'd be happy for you to stay and visit whenever you likeses. We're not the same...we knowses, but...we'll be your friend and we'll listen and we'll like you forever and forever no matter what happenses." She hugged him, purring, drawing her wings closer. "Bad stuff never stays forever."
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Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 8:41 pm
He appreciated her hold, how she curled around him and used her large body to keep him close. Having never been held as a cub, at least not often, he always felt strange when being held, but he also felt a foreign feeling of being protected, wanted, and safe. It was also this feeling of safety that made him want to cry more, as if safe from the world to be able to cry without judgment. Rokopelli was a saint in that she could make him feel at home when he never had one, and bring things into perspective even with her broken, disjointed way of speaking. It taught him that even if you were not the best speaker, good advice always held up on it’s own. Rokopelli could have used a bit of speak lessons, but he wouldn’t have traded her anytime for someone who was more “with it” and could speak better and in more proper sentences. Roko was Pelli, and he loved her and them both, weird quirks, big hugs, and all.
He held her tightly, letting his little sobs dwindle down to a little trickle before looking up at her. “…it still feels bad right now. I want it to be over, but I don’t know what else to do. I wish I knew who would be the one for me now instead of later. I hate waiting. I’ve waited long enough. What do I do in the meantime when I’m waiting around to find my someone just for me?” He wiped his eyes with the back of one paw. It was probably wrong of him to put so much of his life and it’s decisions in Rokopelli’s hands, but he was tired and alone and he just wanted the easy answers now.
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Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 3:21 pm
Rokopelli, despite never being 'mothered' herself - except by Koya - never seemed hesitant in such acts herself. She held him until he calmed, feeling that it was all she could really do to truly help him. He felt alone and she could understand that. He felt heartbroken and...well, she couldn't really understand what that was like. She imagined it must be pretty awful, though.
How would she feel if Silos told her that he didn't love her?
She knew exactly how that would feel. It would be like the ground opening up beneath her feet, like falling and falling into despair where no happiness shone or warmed her. And that pain - even for an adult - was a lot to bear. Yet alone for a young one such as Khuluma, whose heart was so fragile and unused to such things.
She nodded softly. "What do you do?" She echoed, thinking of her own time. "Simple. You live."
"Travel."
"Make friends."
"Enjoy life."
"Spend time with mortals." She added as an afterthought. "Mortals know how to live. They...have shorter lives...they put them to good use. Some Gods don't likeses them. See them as...um...inferior. But that's not true at all. We spent time with mortals. Love them. Want to be amongst them always."
She dipped her head to nuzzle her nose against his ears. "Living is hard sometimes. But...living is good, too. You will findses your place. And, we're always here. Always. We'll be in a pride soon. The Dawnwalkers...Tuait'tekam. You would be welcome, too. They are good lions"
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Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 5:16 pm
For once, the talkative god was quiet as he considered his many options. Travel was nice. He use to do it all the time before coming to Pala’s herd, and even did a few trips here and there when he was in the herd. Traveling always offered opportunities to meet new places and new faces. Maybe one of those faces would belong to the person meant for him! Mortals were something else he had never really investigated as much as he should have. Other immortals had told him he should do his duty and start helping out the mortals that made up his existence. If Roko was in a pride, then maybe he should find mortals and possibly this ‘pride’ idea too. Maybe mortals would be nicer, more interesting, and due to their short lives, more loyal to those they had. Maybe what he needed to do was change his search for immortals to a search for mortals and try out a live with them for a while. There were plenty of immortals that took that route, and really, he didn’t feel up with joining up with another God again to possibly meet the same fate he did with Pala.
He needed a break and time to made the pain in his chest go away. While he healed, then he’d be ready for the person just for him, and what a great day that would be. He was sure they would hit it off instantly!
The idea rekindled his hope and optimism, and he looked up at the goddess, giving off a weak and somewhat misshaped smile to his damp face. “Thank you. I think I’ll do that. Maybe when I find my place and my someone, I’ll invite you to where it is. If not, I’m happy I can spend some time at your place and with the special someone just for you. At least you found that. I bet it’s the best feeling in the world, too. You’re lucky, Roko. Your special place and your special someone; you’re always there.”
He hugged her again, taking a deep breathe to breath in a sent of motherhood he never once had in his life. He wondered, if he inhaled deep enough, he would smell what happiness and completion would feel like...and maybe motherhood.
"I might not be able to have children of my own, but maybe that someone won't mind if I can't." He only hoped they would not leave him if he couldn't bear children. Hope was all he had right now.
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Posted: Mon Jun 07, 2010 2:45 pm
She blinked, seeming somewhat surprised at his reaction, unsure what she was expecting. Of course, she didn't want him to be sad. That was the last thing she had wanted. But very rarely had she ever comforted someone. Generally her words just confused others or - more usually - herself. She supposed there was a first time for everything!
"We would love to come and visit you very muchses!" She beamed, fluttering her wings very slightly. "We would." And she nudged her nose against his cheek. "And one day, Khuluma. You are going to find everything you want! You'll be happy! We know this to the bottom of our heart!"
She agreed. She was very lucky. Sometimes she couldn't believe it and feared that when she woke it might all have been some confused dream her mind had made her believe true. But Silos was there and so was her widening tummy.
She purred, hugging him to her in return. "If they love you, they will not mindses. They will love you know matter what. That is love. True love, anyways." She shook her head very slowly. "Love is a funny thing. It is in places you would not expect. Yet...sometimes it is not in places which would be most suited." She blinked, seeming to be speaking thoughts allowed. "Do you...do we makeses sense?"
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Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 6:19 am
He understood that sometimes love came on unexpectedly. He hadn’t even thought about Pala that way until he was gone, and then he felt a fierce desire to have him back. Betrayal, jealously, and anger all welled up into a fowl bitterness he had to slowly digest like a rotten egg fermented in the savannah sun, and it made his stomach ill and his body weak. He had to move on seeing that Pala already had, and there was nowhere he could go but forward. His road was open to him again, and he was off again to find a new family, a new home, and a someplace that was unknown to him at the moment. For now, he shook his head, feeling as young as he should for his age instead of putting on the visage of maturity. For now, he breathed in Roko and reminded himself that this was probably how a mother felt like and how lucky the child or even children in her tummy were to have someone, a place already established and a family there for then the moment they entered this world. They were lucky, just like Roko, and he wished for it. Felt green to have it.
Looking up, he breathed deep and nodded his head. “I understand.” For what was probably one of the few times, someone understood Roko. Maybe he didn’t understand fully what love was or what he would do with himself aside from searching for the unexpected lover and family, but he understood enough. For now, his ears lowered. “Would you mind, if I just laid here a while with you? For just a little while?” He felt safe here, and with Roko advising him, felt like he had some guidance where he had only felt lost.
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Posted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 3:54 pm
(( sorry hon, such a doofus I am ;; missed this rp! ))
She hugged him tighter at his response, glad that he had made sense of her muddled words. It was hard, getting out such difficult thoughts. But she knew how she felt around the topic of love, and it was a complicated thing. Sometimes wonderful. Sometimes not. It hurt but it also made things whole. An oddity indeed.
She smiled softly at his request and nodded. "We don't mind at all! Stay as long as you like!" And she settled herself more comfortably around him, glancing up at the sky above their heads.
It troubled her greatly when one she cared about was in such turmoil. Khuluma's problem - in particular - was especially difficult. You could heal a wound, wash away infection and keep it clean until it healed in a few days time. But a wounded heart...
Did that ever truly heal?
The pain of her mother's rejection of her was dull now. Much less painful than it had once been. And yet it remained there, a dull ache, like a scratch she was never quite able to itch. She would never wish that sort of pain on anyone. Especially one so young.
She only hoped that Khuluma could move on from it and find another who could replace the first in his heart. She did not doubt that there was someone out there waiting for him. She did not doubt it at all. She just hoped he found 'the one' sooner rather than later so that he could put all this sadness behind him.
But she had faith in him. He was an intelligent little one. He'd be all right in the end.
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