Welcome to Gaia! ::

Can I kick your boyfriend for you? That was an extremely rude and insensitive thing for him to say on his part, and if that's how he's acting, I'd seriously reconsider having sex with him if I were you.

So what if you can't orgasm? A lot of women can't. I don't, and may have only once (I'm not sure if it was an orgasm or not). But my boyfriend knows that, and understands, and when we make love it's not the end of the world when I don't come/orgasm. Yeah he's tried, and he's really good when he does try, and I enjoy it a lot, even if I don't orgasm or anything like that. We love each other, and enjoying sharing our bodies with each other, and that's what counts - not whether or not we both/I orgasm.

Talk to your boyfriend about it, and tell him first off that his comment really hurt you. Explain that it's not your fault, and then the two of you can look into some things that might help you orgasm.

For example, mutual masturbation. Or different positions during sex. Maybe you're one of the people who can only get off with manual stimulation (him stimulating your clitoris during oral sex or intercourse). Maybe a sex toy would make things different and get you aroused enough to orgasm. Maybe you're one of the women who gets off on penetration. Or it could be completely psychological - for example, I have this huge fear (after reading too much for my own good stare ) that instead of orgasming I might accidently pee (since the G-spot gives the feeling of having to pee when it's stimulated during sex), and so I just tense up enough that I don't orgasm. There's lots of variables that could be contributing to this problem, so just experiment and see what works and what doesn't. As a last resort, you could try a sex therapist or a relationship counsellor of some sort.

I agree with all of the comments made so far. My husband and I have been together for more then 5 years. We having been having sex for 4 and were 'active' before that. I have never had an orgasm and am not worried about it at all. It's really quite normal. Bit his insensitivity about the whole thing does worry me.

Just know that there is nothing wrong with you and if you stay this way for your whole life then there is nothing wrong with that either.

Ah ok. I was just annoyed with him because it was seriously a really, really stupid comment for him to make. Even if you weren't offended, I almost was, because I myself cannot orgasm either, and I can't stand people who make a big deal out of it. My boyfriend, thankfully, is not like that.

If you aren't comfortable with using store bought lube (KY Liquid and Astroglide are supposed to be good brands), you could try using saliva. Otherwise, if you are too dry during sex, and you aren't going to do anything about it, then lack of lubrication could be one reason you aren't orgasming (if the sex is becoming painful, I mean, as a result).

If you don't want to talk to someone outside of you and your boyfriend, then at the very least you and your boyfriend could sit down and discuss your current inability to orgasm, and see if you can find new things to try/something to agree on for when you make love. smile

I don't remember what I have listed... I know for a fact that it's mentioned several times throughout the guild that KY Liquid and Astroglide are two popular brands which are water-based, meaning they won't damage a condom. Anything further than that I can't give information about, so she can try looking it up online, or going to a pharmacy in person.

But really, it's lubrication. So what if people give her strange looks? I openly bought condoms and my birth control prescription when I was dating my ex, and to hell what anyone thought of me. It's my body, and my business - not theirs. blaugh

(Sorry, it's a pet peeve of mine. I hate it when people get too pre-occupied with what others think of them sometimes. But it wasn't meant as a rant at you, just society in general.)

I guess I'm just an exception then. sweatdrop My ex would never even come into the damn pharmacy with me when I got my birth control, in case someone saw us together, saw what I was buying, and put 2 and 2 together. I myself didn't care - my birth control, my body, my business.

I'm on Depo now, and again, I don't really care what anyone has to say about me being on birth control, or me being sexually active. My friends know (online and offline), but my parents don't, and that's what works right now. I don't care what my friends say, because I have a loving, healthy relationship with my boyfriend and we enjoy being intimate together. I don't care what my parents say, because I'm legally an adult now that I'm 19, and there's nothing they can legally do about it.

Same thing with buying pads. Everyone knows women get their periods - so if I had to go buy a pack of pads, so what? I need them, and it's no one else's concern what I'm doing buying them. And the same applies to buying condoms, or even lubrication.

So that's just me. I quite frankly don't care what anyone thinks/has to say about me being on birth control, and me being sexually active - my body, my life, my relationship, my business.

It's actually a VERY common thing for women not being able to orgasm! Although I am taken back by what your boyfriend said. Making love is about working together, not just one person's pleasure and learning to express that.

Sometimes it takes experimenting alone through masturbation to find what out what works and what you like. Sex toys (and they don't have to be actual sex toys can be small vibrators for backs) can be quite the revealing experience.

The thing I've noticed in most relationships is people don't communicate. Talk during sex, talk about it while not even cuddling. Communicating about it is really the best key, letting it fester and if you're feeling bad about it, take a break from it.

we cuddle a lot, and it seems odd talking during sex.