Absent Sex Drive | Page 1 | Sex Subforum | Guild Forums

Ehz

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Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 1:39 am

Okay, so I've been browsing for a bit and I know some other people have the same types of issues as me, but they don't all have the same circumstances so I'd like to put all here to maybe get some opinions about this.

So I've been dating my current boyfriend for well a long time. Three years and then two years. it was kind of off and on.
We use to have sex just about every day with no issue what so ever. Now it's years later and we've been through a lot. We were apart for more than a year where he went off and did his own thing and I tried to cope with the fact that it was over between us and when I was finally starting to feel better about it he comes to me wanting to be try and be friends again and it's been over almost two years since he wanted to "be friends again" and we've been dating since a month after that basically. I knew right away that I didn't feel the same as I use to, I know that I'm not in love and I wish I was but I don't know if I ever will feel that way again. Currently we are trying to reconnect with each other I guess you could say.

After all that it just seems like a big mess. Real thing I want some advice on is this, the sex was fine for a while and about five weeks ago I started working out because I wanted to get fit and it seemed around the same time my sex drive dropped completely I hardly feel like having sex anymore. Sometimes we get started and then I get really uncomfortable and just have to stop. In the last week it seems like I just can't be turned on at all.
Any suggestions, advice or related stories with or without solutions would be appreciated.

Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 4:48 am

Are you on birth control?
Or any other meds for that matter; they can result in a lower sex drive.

Apparently a healthy diet and being active can help boost your sex drive. There might also be certain foods that can cause a lack of a sex drive.
Stress can also lower it; doesn't matter if it's from work, or worrying about about a possible pregnancy.. any stress is bad for your sex drive.

I actually just switched birth controls since I believe my old one was what killed my sex drive.
I've kinda noticed an improvement but it's way to early to know for sure.. possible placebo effect methinks. ;3

Intoxikace

Sparkly Wench

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SESauvie

Girl-Crazy Businesswoman

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Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 7:30 am

To me it sounds like you already have your answer. If you're feeling uneasy and hesitant about him in terms of a relationship could that not make Sex uncomfortable or awkward?

Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 7:54 am

There are many possibilities.

Like Intox said, certain medications can interfere with your sex drive. Diet and age can make a difference. Stress and being busy can have an impact. It's also common for the sex to slow down as a relationship goes on because the excitement wears off.

But from what you said, I'm thinking along the same lines as Sauvie. It sounds like you're not feeling it with this guy anymore, you know you're not feeling it, and that fact is sort of starting to make sex with him weird and uncomfortable as you realize your feelings aren't really changing. After all, if you two haven't reconnected and fully gotten things together in two years, well...

And if you think that's the problem, I'd say you probably have a lot of thinking and talking to do. Do you think you two still have a chance? Do you want to try couples counseling? Is there anything you two can do to spice things up again (role playing, a candlelit dinner, whipped cream, etc.)? Or do you think the feeling is gone for good? Would you want to stay in a relationship that didn't really have romantic feelings?

LorienLlewellyn

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Ehz

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Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 12:37 pm

Sauvie

To me it sounds like you already have your answer. If you're feeling uneasy and hesitant about him in terms of a relationship could that not make Sex uncomfortable or awkward?

With just him I could understand, and I told him that. But it still doesn't answer why I'm not turned on by anything at all.

And I am on Birth control I switched back to the one I was on when he and I started dating. I changed months ago.

Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 12:41 pm

LorienLlewellyn

There are many possibilities.

Like Intox said, certain medications can interfere with your sex drive. Diet and age can make a difference. Stress and being busy can have an impact. It's also common for the sex to slow down as a relationship goes on because the excitement wears off.

But from what you said, I'm thinking along the same lines as Sauvie. It sounds like you're not feeling it with this guy anymore, you know you're not feeling it, and that fact is sort of starting to make sex with him weird and uncomfortable as you realize your feelings aren't really changing. After all, if you two haven't reconnected and fully gotten things together in two years, well...

And if you think that's the problem, I'd say you probably have a lot of thinking and talking to do. Do you think you two still have a chance? Do you want to try couples counseling? Is there anything you two can do to spice things up again (role playing, a candlelit dinner, whipped cream, etc.)? Or do you think the feeling is gone for good? Would you want to stay in a relationship that didn't really have romantic feelings?

Things were okay at the beginning of this past two years, we've only been trying to reconnect with each other with in the past month. Finding interesting things to do with each other that aren't sex related.

After I brought to his attention how we needed to actually do more than just be around each other.

Ehz

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SESauvie

Girl-Crazy Businesswoman

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Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 12:47 pm

Ehz

Sauvie

To me it sounds like you already have your answer. If you're feeling uneasy and hesitant about him in terms of a relationship could that not make Sex uncomfortable or awkward?

With just him I could understand, and I told him that. But it still doesn't answer why I'm not turned on by anything at all.

And I am on Birth control I switched back to the one I was on when he and I started dating. I changed months ago.

Well, if you are really worried, or concerned about something (your relationship in this case) a lot of anxiety or stress about that subject could easily make things like getting turned on, much more difficult. I know when I am really stressed out or worried the last thing that happens is me being turned on.

Posted: Fri May 28, 2010 7:17 pm

Ehz

Okay, so I've been browsing for a bit and I know some other people have the same types of issues as me, but they don't all have the same circumstances so I'd like to put all here to maybe get some opinions about this.

So I've been dating my current boyfriend for well a long time. Three years and then two years. it was kind of off and on.
We use to have sex just about every day with no issue what so ever. Now it's years later and we've been through a lot. We were apart for more than a year where he went off and did his own thing and I tried to cope with the fact that it was over between us and when I was finally starting to feel better about it he comes to me wanting to be try and be friends again and it's been over almost two years since he wanted to "be friends again" and we've been dating since a month after that basically. I knew right away that I didn't feel the same as I use to, I know that I'm not in love and I wish I was but I don't know if I ever will feel that way again. Currently we are trying to reconnect with each other I guess you could say.

After all that it just seems like a big mess. Real thing I want some advice on is this, the sex was fine for a while and about five weeks ago I started working out because I wanted to get fit and it seemed around the same time my sex drive dropped completely I hardly feel like having sex anymore. Sometimes we get started and then I get really uncomfortable and just have to stop. In the last week it seems like I just can't be turned on at all.
Any suggestions, advice or related stories with or without solutions would be appreciated.

I dated a guy for 4 years straight. For the first 3 years, sex was good, but when I started drifting away from him and my feelings changed towards him, so did my sex drive.

You'd be surprised how much your sex drive has to do with your mentality. It might seem like it was all of a sudden, but it could have been a gradual thing. Working out and getting fit sounds like you decided to make some changes in your life - I went through this too. I went through this while I wasn't in love with my boyfriend at the time and that's when my sex drive declined.

You're moving on and I think it's a safe bet to say your sex drive is too. Now I'm not saying go have a lot of anonymous sex to test this out, but I found that I needed time to get in touch with *me* again after being in a relationship with no feelings. After a while, I met this new guy, and my sex drive is back.

The uncomfortable thing is a sign you're not *into it* with your current partner.

Now it could be the other issues other people have mentioned too, so don't rule it out, but I'm just saying sometimes it's totally a mind thing.

And let's face it, if you don't like your partner, and you start having sex, your mind is thinking about 'why am I doing this if I don't like him?' and a bunch of other stuff. It sort of ruins the mood.

Yukito Yu

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