|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 1:49 pm
 Failure. It wasn't something Terreis had experienced much in her life, but now it seemed to always be looming over her head. She didn't want to think of herself as a failure, or consider her pups that either, but that thought always stuck in the back of her mind. Try as she might she just couldn't become the loving mother she has wished to be to her sons. Sons. She shook her head at that thought. How did it happen? It was rare to have a litter so gender based and yet somehow she managed to do just that. It was Derecho's fault, of that she was certain, but how many times could she yell at him for it.
Terreis had meant to go to Chivosi and speak with the alpha, in hopes of getting some advice about he situation and how it could be improved. But she rarely spoke to anyone in the pack outside of Derecho since she had joined and so walking up to the alpha, who happened to be Derecho's mother seemed like an intimidating thing to do. Had it been Penthesilea then she could have done it without thinking. But it was a different pack, different alpha and different way of life.
She had set about wandering about the lands of YMCA this morning trying to convince herself to go talk to the alpha. That wandering however had taken her well out of that packs lands and soon she found herself returning home - her old home at least. Something about coming back to Antianeira soothed her conscience a bit, but that aching guilt of her failure still loomed over her like a rain cloud. She needed to speak to Iosef, to discuss things with him and to let him know what had happened. Terreis had meant to come sooner, to report the arrival of her litter not only to her brother but the pack as well, but having an all male litter was nothing to celebrate here so she had put it off. Now though she would face that fear, even though she knew word of her failure had reached her home pack already she needed to speak with Iosef if only to make sure he was alright and perhaps to clear her mind as well.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 2:13 pm
 To say Iosef had been troubled since his conversation with Thealia regarding his nephews would be an understatement. Indeed, he could not give name to his emotions, they were so varied and jumbled in his mind. He was relieved that the pups were healthy; excited at the prospect of nephews to play with; and terribly ashamed on his sister's behalf.
It wasn't often that Iosef could be distracted from his work, but today he certainly was having a difficult time concentrating. It would be easier if one of the other slaves were here to keep him company....
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 2:48 pm
Walking past the border and into Antianeira Terreis could almost feel the stress melt away. Here she felt so much more relaxed, its was here that she always felt like she belonged even if she had made a life elsewhere. And it was here she hoped to refocus on her life and turn it around for the better. What she needed was to find Iosef, and if she knew her brother well - which she did - he would be busying himself with work.
Glancing up at the sky Terreis judged by the position of the sun just where to find Iosef. He always seemed to do the same jobs at the same time of day ever since he was a pup. Adjusting her course Terreis headed to the spot where she believed, hoped that Iosef would be. In fact she was so confident that he would be there she started calling out to him. "Iosef!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 5:06 pm
"Mm?" He looked up, his eyes a bit distant and unfocused; indeed, he was a creature of habit and had always relished routine. He was, predictably, precisely where Terreis would have expected, and hie lifted his head and glanced around for the sound. "Sister?" He called, and couldn't help the relieved smile that crossed his maw; it was as though she had read his thoughts and come to visit when he most needed her!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 5:36 pm
Hearing Iosef's voice lifted Terreis' spirits that much more. Picking up the pace Terreis ran towards his voice until he came into view and for the first time in a long time a smile crossed her maw. When she reached Iosef she skidded to a halt and bumped her head into his. "It is so good to see you..." Pulling her head back she looked into those purple eyes of him. "I had been meaning to come and see you sooner....but..." A sigh came from her once again feeling the shame of her five sons Terreis was unable to continue.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 10:16 pm
He nuzzled against her, feeling something in his heart soften and a weight he had been carrying lighten. It was strange...he knew in his heart that he was an inferior, weak male...but sometimes, in her own way, Terreis made him feel strong. He pushed his nose under her chin to meet her eyes. "Thealia told me," he said, his tone gentle. "How are you?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 6:38 am
Another sigh escaped her. Of all the sisters to break the news to Iosef why did it have to be Thealia, at least the other sisters would have done a better job of softening the bow, where as Thealia would have made a spectacle of the thing. "I am...managing." And really that was pretty accurate. Terreis was doing what she could given her situation, she would feed the pups when needed, make sure they weren't sick or hurt, but beyond that she found it hard to give them love - hard to care. But she wanted that to change, even if she never ended up loving them as much as she would have a daughter, she at least wanted to be a better mother.
Giving her head a shake Terreis lowered herself onto her haunches. Funny how the weight of such thing could tire one out more than running all day could. "I...I don't know what to do....how could this happen?" While she asked the question she knew Iosef wouldn't have the answer. The chances were so small of having an all male litter that there was no real reason behind it - unless she decided to blame Derecho once more. She looked upon Iosef with determined eyes. "Enough about me and my failures. How have you been?" Terreis didn't want this trip to be just about her, she had come to visit her brother and that's what she intended to do.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 11:23 am
How did this happen, indeed...he watched her with saddened, hollow violet eyes, the weight of something unspeakable in his mind. He had an idea...but even his most beloved sister could not share in his fearful secret. "I'm sure you're doing great," he said, instead. Comforting her gave him some strength as well. "I'm...good." His brow furrowed, an ear flicking thoughtfully. "Busy, as always. Glacier is growing older by the day...and Thealia's son is approaching the age to begin his duties in earnest..." He paused, stopping himself from saying the next thing on his mind.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 11:38 am
Though she could tell that Iosef was holding something back Terreis didn't press him to tell her. He could say something when and if he wanted to. "I'm sure you will do a great job of teaching him the ropes." Terreis couldn't think of a better mentor for a young slave to have then Iosef. Who knows, maybe one day one of her sons would follow in their uncles footsteps. That made her shake her head. Wouldn't Derecho just throw a fit if one of their sons became a slave. "And how are the sisters treating you? Is Thealia still her old self?" Terreis knew full well that if any of the older sisters was rough on Iosef it would be Thealia. "And what of her daughter, has she inherited her mothers traits?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 1:56 pm
"Azalea is very much her mother's daughter," he said, phrasing it carefully so as not to disrespect his superiors -- but he couldn't help but smile a little. "I fear perhaps she is a little lonely, with no young females for playmates." As soon as he said it, he winced, realizing that was probably not the right thing to say to his son-burdened sister. He cleared his throat, looking rather awkwardly at his paws for a moment. "And....Derecho..." he hesitated, unsure if he'd remembered the name properly "...How is he?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 2:10 pm
The thought of having basically two Thealia's in the pack made Terreis want to shudder. Thealia has always been a pain in everyone's back, pushing her limits, being disrespectful as often as possible it seemed. To have a daughter that was the same would not bode well for the pack, especially the slaves. When Iosef glanced at his paw Terreis knew that he was thinking he may upset her with his comment. "It's alright, I have accepted my failure. Do not fear talking about the success of others."
Lowering herself down onto her haunches Terreis wasn't sure exactly how to answer his question. "He is doing well. Glad to have so many sons - but clearly disappointed in my attitude towards them. Though I have been trying, I really have...it's just hard." Glancing off to the trees Terreis took a deep breath before continuing. "I still feel as though I have been robbed of what I wanted the most."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 2:21 pm
He wasn't sure he would have ever described Azalea as a 'success' but of course he would never say such a thing aloud. "I can imagine it must be terrible," he said, all-too-aware of the shame his sister felt. He smiled, looking back up at her. "I'd still love to meet them," he said, and meant it; Iosef loved all pups, be they males or females. "And...well...you're starting a new life now. Maybe...this is a way for you to remember that things have changed." His brow furrowed, suspecting that what he was about to say was both dangerous and possibly foolish, but he said it anyway. "Perhaps in their own way, they might grow to make you proud."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 2:31 pm
Terreis smiled, a genuine smile for once. "Of course you can meet them. I want you to meet them. You deserve to meet your nephews" Though honestly she was a bit worried about him meeting Derecho but they could cross that bridge when they made it to it. She nodded slowly, she had indeed started a new life, but did that mean she had to abandon everything she had known. "I just fear that too many things in my life have changed. I still want to be the independent warrior that I have trained my whole life to be, and yet part of me yearns for the simple life that I found in that pack."
Terreis huffed a bit but really couldn't blame Iosef for saying what he did. "Maybe you're right, maybe they will prove themselves to me. But how can I prove to them that I am a good mother when every time I look at them I am filled with..." she paused for a moment almost not sure if she should say it, but decided to anyways. "...such shame?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 5:06 pm
He rolled to his haunches, glancing around to verify that no one -- like Thealia -- was around to notice that he had allowed his sister to distract him. "Things are changing rapidly," he agreed. "It's been especially rough for you...gone from the pack, then with our family...then alone...and the pack reforming after you'd found a life elsewhere...it's no wonder you'd have a hard time adjusting. I hope...Derecho...appreciates that." Feeling that this may have been especially bold, he fell silent a moment, then, "You know...I always knew that I was not as good as my sisters. But Mother loved me, and I never doubted that. I'm sure your sons will feel the same way."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 5:24 pm
"I don't know if he does appreciate or not. I know he doesn't like the ideals that Antianeira stands for or the fact that I still am loyal to this pack, more loyal than I am to his pack." It was a real miracle that they did get along as often as they did given their completely different views of things, but it had worked for them - well at least until the pups had arrived. Now, their relationship was strained and as much as she hated to admit it she didn't want to lose Derecho over this."
Taking a deep breath Terreis looked away from Iosef. "Mother had daughters, unlike me." Though her voice was quiet Terreis almost immediately regretted saying that. Iosef, though male and therefore inferior, didn't deserve the brunt of her anger and frustration of her situation. Turning to look back at Iosef she gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean it. I know mother loved you, much like I love you." In fact Terreis knew their other sister loved Iosef too, but hid that well from others. "What if...the damage has already been done? That no matter what I do in the future my sons will resent me for not being there in the beginning?" Disappointment or not she didn't want to have her children hate her.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
