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 Posted: Tue May 18, 2010 2:34 pm
I posted the below text about postpartum depression for dads in another forum, but what I'd really like to know is some guys' opinions on watching a delivery because I think that might be a key part of the "male postpartum depression". Personally, I think it's wrong that many women guilt them into it and at most they should maybe be at the side, holding the mother's hand or something but not watching (or filming!) the carnage below. So how would it feel if you saw the "miracle of life" claw it's way out of you partner's formerly sacred pleasure hole? I think I would have nightmares that would ruin me forever. Quote: According to a news article on CNN today, dads suffer from postpartum depression. Frankly I'm not surprised. I heard a man on TV once say that after watching the birth of his child he could never look at his wife the same way again. Without trying to come off as a completely narcissistic jerk and making men sound like they are all that way too, I'll simply say that men are visual creatures. There's more to it than that though. Men are fed this fairy story that mommy plus daddy plus baby equals a complete, serene and happy perfect family unit. Mom glows and baby sleeps and suckles while dad looks on proudly. Sure there are bad kids, but that's due to bad parenting and we shall overcome that! Once the bundle of joy arrives though, the reality is that it keeps the pair up at night. Mom still looks pregnant for a while and doesn't even have time to pamper dad anymore. Dad takes a backseat to baby and maybe, if he's lucky, once the pair of them figure out time management things will go back the way they were plus one. More often though, I think baby replaces dad in mom's heart forever. What's a guy to do? Get depressed, I'd imagine. It's understood that the pregnancy is the "woman's time" to be doted on and made to feel special. The next 18-40 years are the "child's time" so when is the man's time"? I wonder how many men feel some resentment toward their kids for taking their partner away? I bet there are more than we will ever know because it's just too taboo to admit it.
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Posted: Thu May 20, 2010 11:36 am
Well, I've been involved with another female romantically for a few years who has long planned to have kids of her own which I will not be involved with. I am not male, but I made it damn clear from the start I would *NOT* be watching that s**t. Nuh-uh, no way, no how. Do not want. That is a HORRIBLY creepy sight. I don't care how great you may think babies and getting them are, seeing somebody you are romantically and physically drawn to having their nether regions ripped wide open to many times their normal size to spew out blood and guts and waste and A WHOLE 'NOTHER FREAKIN' PERSON which will now be a huge responsibility and strain on your relationship is just NOT attractive. I dare say anybody who could be surprised that this sight may be a turn-off and a bit disturbing is just in denial. Not only does that image contain many gross things, there's also the fact that it is a very gross and violent introduction to a huge change to your lives and relationship dynamic right there presenting itself as an assault to the once very private pleasure area you two used to bond over. And furthermore, do remember that birth, up until fairly recently, DID used to be something which on a fairly regular basis DID kill the people who went through it. Heck, it still possibly could rarely. So yes, it most certainly can be a really traumatic thing to see. Go ask how many people who see their loved ones get in a terrible car accident and have to go through major surgery and are still really eager to get right back to having sex with that person very soon after the surgery is over, especially if the aftermath of the event means some long term change to their lives like that they now have to help their partner to do many of their normal daily life requirements which they didn't have to before.
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Posted: Thu May 20, 2010 12:58 pm
Thank you, and I couldn't agree more. I didn't mean to imply that it was a heterosexuals-only phenomenon because no matter who you are that sort of sight could give you a bad case of PTSD.
It's funny how many women will chew anyone out who says that men don't belong down there in the trenches with the FlipMino HD ready and aimed though. I don't get it.
I wouldn't want my lover to see me in that position because I want them to always think of me as a somewhat sexual being and not a splayed open piece of meat. Even if my partner wanted to, for my own dignity I would not allow it. (Hypothetically of course.)
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Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 7:07 am
Oh no problem, I was just pointing out my view on it because I know many people who just loooooooooove babies assume it must just be some evil male thing that they could not want to watch their partner push that kid out and that it was just some serious insensitivity and nerve that they would dare not even WATCH what their partner had to FEEL. They don't seem to get that it could actually be quite the opposite in motivation, that it was because they DID care about their partner so much. Yes, the event hurts like no tomorrow for the person actually doing it, but there is some benefit to not having to watch down there and that you often can deal better with things happening to you than you could if they happened to your partner. Most people having kids are heterosexual, so those women just simply would never really think of themselves as the one on the watching end as their partner is the one going through labor, but since I'm not a heterosexual, I can show that even as a female who is capable of going through stuff like that (though who has NO intention to do so come hell or high water!), I *can* imagine what would be so disturbing about watching your partner go through that.
I also agree though with you for sure I don't get why so many women are so set on having their partner watch down there. As you said earlier, by their side holding their hand? Maybe. But down there? Why? I agree, it sounds so needlessly undignified.
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 7:47 pm
xd of course this gets asked when the only active make is out on a vacation.
I do not doubt that being part of the delivery brings about postpardem depression in guys. I learned I am a pretty needy guy so if a little poop and barf machine stole my wifes affection I would be pretty depressed.
I think that men sitting out the delivery might make things easier... nothing worse than watching your wife's v****a get ruined xd
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Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 11:11 pm
XenoReiji xd of course this gets asked when the only active make is out on a vacation.
Yeah, I know, right? razz I'd ask where the captain drifted off to, but I believe I recall he was gay anyway, so it would be even less useful for him to answer than me. Well, unless we go into the imaginary world of male pregnancies, but then the results would be muddled because I'm sure there is a lot of reason to freak out and be disturbed just over "Holy ********! Pregnant male? And it's coming out how and where?! burning_eyes "
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Posted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 12:22 pm
@bluecherry: stare Out god damn captain needs to stop signing into Gaia so I can take over the guild.
I know where the baby would come from. I would urinate the baby out mrgreen and 30 years later it would be a baby xp
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Posted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 1:12 am
Actually, I don't think VCs can promote themselves to captain anymore, so whether he's around or not, you've got about as much power and run of the place as you will get now. razz Unless you can go the other way, and get him to come back and sign the place over to you. ;D
World's first baby born from somebody who was born a male - a historic and painful event, over 30 years in the making. eek
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Posted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 10:52 am
@bluecherry: Awww man... that kind of sucks.. oh well I guess I will only ever be a vice captin.
Ha ha yes I will bring forth my own primordial ooze. And it will be kept in a jar xp
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Posted: Tue Jul 06, 2010 4:02 pm
30 year old babies... they remind me of this show I once watched, probably on the discovery channel or something similar, about a baby which was never delivered. It stayed inside a woman's uterus for about 25 years, but was later removed from the woman when the doctors available were better educated in their practice. It was then examined/ cut open by scientists. (It was dead by then, obviously, and rather malformed)
Anyway... back to another gruesome topic. I don't believe I would feel disgust at the sight of a baby being born, as much as I would feel a cold opposition to what is happening. This may be, however because I plan to keep all my relationships pragmatic/ platonic, and thus would not highly emotionally attached to the one giving birth. Though I don't find the idea of watching new life break forth from the womb quite as revolting as some of you do, I would rather see a c-section. Less pain, more order.
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Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2010 5:52 am
(*scratches head**double checks which guild she's in* Huh . . . You're in this guild too? Oo)
I think I may have seen a little of that show once. Bizarre indeed. Daaaaaaamn glad it wasn't me stuck with something in me for all those years. gonk
I've wondered too why more people don't opt for a c-section. It sounds much less creepy to me and probably can be done much quicker. And yes, probably also a cleaner process you can better assure how things will turn out. For one thing, sometimes they don't figure out for a while during vaginal birth that the umbilical cord may be wrapped around the baby in such a way that it may be making it harder to get the baby out, even possibly choking the baby as they try to push it out. Also, I have heard some physical complications which can come from vaginal birth I think which a c-section would avoid, like I think some people's muscles get weakened down there and they end up with a little bit of trouble sometimes with wetting themselves a bit when they may sneeze or cough sometimes. (I may be recalling wrong though, perhaps that one results just from pregnancy itself and not necessarily the vaginal birth.)
Oh, and a little off topic, but "I plan to keep all my relationships pragmatic/ platonic" - do you consider yourself to be an asexual? Is that one reason you don't want kids? (You don't have an introductory post here and usually most people explain in the intro thread why they would rather not have kids.)
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Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:53 am
Er... sorry about the whole being in two guilds thing. I didn't mean to creep you out, but I check the other guilds of more active members in whichever guild I'm in to see what guilds they have joined, and If our interests coincide. It's worked twice so far.
From what I have heard of c-sections from my aunt, who has had a planned c-section and an emergency one, the planned ones run extremely smoothly and she recommends them.
For those who have had vaginal deliveries, I have heard from my mother that yes, their muscles are weakened and particularly when running in this instance, one may wet oneself. I doubt those with c-sections have similar problems. An other common problem is pelvic floor disorder, when the pelvic support muscles, ligaments, and tissues have been weakened. Organs like the bladder, Uterus, small intestine, or rectum drop down in the pelvis and into the v****a. Surgery can correct this issue. This occurs more commonly in older women.
I am asexual, if by that you mean lacking interest or desire for sex. I am quite sure that I am female, however. This has little to do with why I don't want kids, as I could simply adopt.
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Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:58 am
Ew, the dreaded prolapsed uterus. It can happen just from carrying that big honking baby around for nine months though. A friend of the family had her whole uterus fall out. She had a c-section, but the floor was still weak, apparently.
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Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2010 11:49 am
Ellavemia Ew, the dreaded prolapsed uterus. It can happen just from carrying that big honking baby around for nine months though. A friend of the family had her whole uterus fall out. She had a c-section, but the floor was still weak, apparently.
O_O
That sounds awful. gonk Whole organs! Just falling out! *shudders*
SP, oh, not a problem, just I was kind of surprised at first and for a moment when I saw the name of the last poster I thought maybe I hadn't clicked into the guild I thought I had.
Alright, just checking what you meant. Something about how you said it sounded like maybe you did experience sexual attraction, but just were eschewing and rejecting it on the grounds of being impractical and frivolous. If that were the case, you may similarly see other kinds of things that were based around close bonding, like having and raising kids, no matter how you got them, as being just impractical and frivolous.
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Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2010 10:01 pm
o.o .... this conversation is making me feel weird.
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