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this is my critique of you, Coffee Shop Fairy Tale
Critique at a glance!BEST: Conciseness!
WORST: Sudden, slight change in vocabulary set
RATING: 8.25/1O
Actual Critique!Phantomkitsune,
The beginning and end of this are very effective, and it makes it a very good short story. It feels like a unit of its own, not like there needs to be more.
I think you did a wonderful job with the imagery, especially in the second paragraph. You use it to pull the setting into the narration and make the piece interesting to read.
I was slightly thrown off by the sudden use of "admonishing" in one line and "consternation" in the next, as if these words were a little too 'academic-speak' for the pattern you'd set before. When you use those words it is the actual narrator talking, not saying what the stranger is telling him/her, and in the introduction there weren't nearly as complex words.
I wanted to know what shape a curse may be. I think it would be lovely if you could describe it in a way that is concrete enough for readers to figure something out, but abstract enough that you don't create a set (therefore almost boring) shape for a curse to always be. "Intricate and lethal" seems a start, but I wanted to read more on this point.
I very much liked how you let the narration wander into the oddities and implausibilities, and then suddenly pulled it back to a form of reality. It gave the piece a sense of conversation, and added to the images in the second paragraph, I think a reader can really get an idea of coffee shop conversations of sorts. ~
Closing Optimism!The beginning and end, often the most challenging parts of a piece, were written extremely well. Great work!~
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♦ all critiques are subjective and of my opinion & education only ♦
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