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 Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2005 9:17 am
i gots a WIP (work in progress) at the moment, and i wanna get some feedback from other writers in the forum
aaaand i made this thread so that people can post their stories/WIPs and get some ideas or feedback.
Codeh has been helpin me get some ideas for this thinger sooo im hopin for maybe more.
The best things in life are free.
I was sitting in the middle of my 4th period classroom when my teacher tapped her pointer against the blackboard and said 'The best things in life are free. That is your journal entry for the day.'
I stared into space at that remark, 'Free? How the hell can the best things in life be free.? I folded my arms and rested my head on them. 'Everything has a price; every little thing has a consequence, a reaction, a bad outcome. At least that is how my experience has been.'
'Jeremy.' The teacher had snuck up on me and tapped on my shoulder. 'It isn?t naptime; let?s get going on the assignment hmm?'
I sighed all dramatic like, and rummaged through my backpack looking for my journal. I found it and flipped it halfway open and turned to the first blank page. I wrote across the top of the page, 'The best things in life are free.' I twiddled my pen with my fingers and stared at the blank page, which was mocking me. Normally I can write out a journal entry in 2 minutes flat and have the rest of the class period to sleep, or write a story.
The blank page mocked me. It was staring up at me as if trying to say 'Ha ha, you can?t write this, you can?t think of this. I win, you lose.' I tapped my pen on the paper idly and stared out the classroom window.
Inspiration struck me like a brick to the head. Or at least I thought it was inspiration. In reality it was Stephanie, the girl who sits behind me. Who had smacked me upside the head and told me that the bell rang and class is over. I glared at the girl for a second and rubbed the back of my head, which had a slight sting to it.
'You could have told me that in a nicer way. Like.. kicking me, or just y'know telling me that class was over?
'What fun would that be?' Stephanie picked up her books and began walking out of the classroom.
I walked after her and followed her to where our lockers were located. She stood on her tip toes as she turned the dial to open her locker. She was only about four and a half feet tall and the school had given her a top locker. Me, being a sound six foot tall, gangly, ugly (in my opinion) sonnuvagun, on the other hand was ?blessed? to have the locker right below hers; irony at its best.
I squatted by her and opened my locker; two of my books fell out due to the fact that I had been stuffing my locker full since day one of freshman year. With a groan I bent over and picked them up, getting kicked in the head as I came back up.
'Crud! I?m so sorry!'
'What the hell was that for?'
'I was tryin? to get this darn book up into my locker.'
I stood up casually, and I looked down at Stephanie, the shortest kid in our class, but without a doubt the cutest. I grabbed the book out of her hand and threw it in her locker.
'While I'm up here, anything else you'd like me to get out of your locker short-stuff?'
Stephanie looked up at me with a look that could kill a moose from fright. I just smiled back down at her.
'Your next class is Geometry right?' I reached in her locker stuffed almost to the bursting point of text books and pulled out her Geometry book and handed it to her, with a huge smile on my face.
She glared and snatched it out of my hand then slammed her locker shut and ran off to her next class. 'Its a good thing she has me around, or she'd never be able to reach the stuff she needs from in her locker' I thought with a grin.
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2005 9:35 am
*sings badly* I think he liiiikes her
He wants to hoooooold her
he wants to maaaaaAAAaaaary her XD
sorry..too many movies for my own good. *clears throat*
I like it thus far :3 you'll need to post the rest so I can read that too!
I have something I'm ~kinda~ writing. It hasn't really got a plot yet...it's based around some pictures of an underground city I drew a while back n.n It seems to be turning into a history/explanation/novel about growth.
yeah...needs work >__>
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Galaxy Fun Cosplay Nudist
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2005 9:38 am
Damn straight I'm helping ya. I"M SUPER CODI! *strikes a pose and posts her own WIP* PHEAR IT! I posted this on AWGC. I want feedback damnitt....FEEEEDDDDDBBBBACCCKKKKK
Hidden In The Darkness
Chapter One: Welcome To The Tragic Kingdom
In the shadows. He was forever in the shadows. Born and raised under that magnificent blanket of nothingness. He couldn’t remember much of his past life, his human life. Glimpses of shattered dreams, and snatches of intimate conversations held at midnight. But whenever Adair tried to remember his human life, he ended up at his monstrous self, his vampire self. He dwelled on the change, mulling over all the aspects and the luscious details of his dark transformation. In the quiet corner, the thoughts attacking his sanity, he was looking down, watching a spider scramble along in the dust accumulating on the hard wood floor.
He remembered how the wooden planks used to shine splendidly in the soft and intimate candlelight. The manor, which used to be carefully kept and clean, was now crumbling down around his ears. The dark and dreary house held all that he new. The state of the place matched his emotions. Once happy, cheerful, and full of life. Now so full of hate and despair. His weakening body shook with the sobs that racked through him. “SOMEONE SAVE ME!!” he screamed out. Knowing he would never be answered made him feel even more worthless and his sobs increased in strength. “So, it is safety that you seek?” a strong questioning voice answered. The voice was smooth and polished. It was enough to snap Adair out of his sobbing trance. “Who’s there? Who dare invades upon me!” he shrieked into the darkness. “Invading? No, no, no my friend. It is YOU who invades upon ME...Your plea for someone to save you drew me here. You invaded upon my mind and called out to the farthest reaches of the earth. Your souls’ desires have entered my mind and I came here as your humble servant to answer the very call that has drawn us together.” The same smooth precise voice called back from the corner adjacent to Adair’s own.
With a rustle of velvet, a man stepped out from the shadows, as if appearing out of Adair’s desperation. His tunic of black silk hung down to his thighs, and a pair of crème colored breaches clung to his muscular legs. His amber hair was slicked back and was perfect in style. Not a hair out of place to put a speck on his regal appearance. He gave the air of one who knows his place in the world, or even the entire universe. His manner and the way he looked out at the world would be enough to make the most royal of persons or the humblest of servants bow at his feet. He took a few steps towards the shivering form of Adair and reached out a tentative hand. “Will you allow me to answer your call for safety?” Adair looked at the man, taking in how his dark eyes shone in the darkened room. His pale skin was taut on his face, but still held the appearance of the flamboyant nature hidden beneath the surface. The hand, whose fingers were long and thin, was well manicured and the fingers were placed in such a manor that only natural poise could do. Taking the hand, Adair stood up slowly and his knees buckled from the hours of crouching in the darkened corner. The man caught him with ease. “May I know your name?” he asked. “Certainly. I am Vincent. Your new best friend, and only companion in the world.” The man, now known as Vincent, replied. Both of them stood there, staring at each other. Memorizing every detail of each other.
Vincent looked around at the room they were in. Dilapidated bookshelves lined the walls. Dust an inch thick covered the floor. The planks were stained and cracked. The light bulbs were burnt out. Shattered mirrors and glass littered the dust, making craters in the dirt like that of the Moon’s surface. Adair noticed Vincent’s eyes roaming around and he spread his arms wide, gesturing to the whole house. “Welcome to my Tragic Kingdom.” He said simply. There was a slight smirk playing with the corners of his lips. The cynicism was getting to him. He no longer cared about the state of things. “Ha...I can tell you’ve been quite the monarch around here...” Vincent trailed off, still taking in his surroundings. “Mind if I...ah...take a look around?” he asked. “Be my guest.” Adair muttered quietly. He followed Vincent into the kitchen where the fridge door swung open and a small army of cockroaches swarmed out. A glance at Adair and Vincent opened the cupboards. A single package of Top Ramen Oriental Flavor noodles was all that remained. “Balanced nutrition is always important...,”he mumbled to himself. He left the room and found himself in the living room. A television with a broken screen, three broken lamps, some stools missing legs, and an end table with shattered glass met his gaze. He didn’t even bother to check things out and just kept on into another room. A walk down a long hall and he found himself staring at a closed door. He slowly gripped the doorknob and turned it quietly. As he swung the door open, it creaked pitifully. He let out a slight gasp. The room was in perfect order. The wallpaper, which was the print of doves and green ivy, was fresh and new. The pictures hung on the walls were straight and the glass protecting them in their frames was not cracked or shattered like the pictures in the rest of the home. The bed was made and had clean sheets. The window was open and the curtains were drawn open. The refreshing night air breathed into the room. The dresser had not a speck of dust. Lying on top of the dresser was a hairbrush, a hand mirror, various cosmetics, and a diary, all of which was in perfect order. Time had not touched this room. The room itself seemed alive with the memory. But the memory of what? Adair walked in and looked around. He had not touched this room. Not since the accident. The memories were too strong. And now this perfect stranger comes in and disturbs the peace he fought so hard to keep. Vincent seemed to pick up on this feeling and put down the book he had picked off the shelf. He felt that Adair wanted to leave so he turned and left without a word. He knew it would all get explained later on anyway.
The next room was just a dirty little bathroom. Toilet, shower, bathtub, sink, and a cracked mirror were all that it held. A bare light bulb filled the entire room with light. They kept on down the hall. They walked into a large bedroom. This one was drastically different from the last one. The window was closed and nailed permanently shut. The curtains were sewn together. The sheets and blankets were twisted together into a rope from nightmares that the sleeper had. The dresser drawers were pulled out and clothes spilled out of all of them. The mirror was shattered and in pieces on the floor. The carpet was burned and stained. Dirty dishes were on all available surfaces. The maroon wallpaper was ripped and torn. Strips hung curling down the walls. The ceiling was almost caving in. The air of the room was haunted by strong memories and fitful night. Adair looked around the room and then at Vincent. “This is my bedroom. This is the place where I sleep every night. Every night alone.” He said quietly. It was only for Vincent’s exceptional hearing that he caught it. “Ok. Let’s go see the rest of the rooms. This one unsettles me deeply.” Vincent replied. He calmly walked out of the room and back into the hall.
The door directly across the hall was a linen closet. Filled with dirty sheets and torn towels, it was a pathetic sight indeed. Continuing on, Vincent saw an attic door. He pulled the string and a ladder shot out. As he climbed up, a rat walked up to him and stared. Vincent reached out and grabbed the rat. He took a fingernail and slit its throat. As the blood dripped, he stuck the slit to his mouth and drank deeply. A loud gasp and a slight retching noise came from Adair. When Vincent turned out, he saw him staring at him, gaping mouth a perfect oval. He laughed at the look. “Oh come now! You can’t tell me that you haven’t guessed I’m a vampire, now can you?” Vincent replied laughingly. He continued on into the attic, throwing the carcass of the rat into the corner. Adair gave it a quick glance and scrambled in after him. He hadn’t been up in the attic for years. The dust and dirt settled heavily on the floor of the room and every step threatened a fall to the room below. All that was up there were old luggage, a few rotting cardboard boxes, and stacks of old magazines. Nothing special. They turned and went back down the ladder.
All that was left of the house to explore was one room at the end of the hallway. Adair led the way this time. “Be prepared...this room has a mind of it’s own sometimes. It never stays the same. My memories haunt the place...it takes on the shape of a random memory. It can be overwhelming to some people,” he said, sounding like a tour guide. He grabbed the knob, gave Vincent a cold stare, and then opened the door. Swinging it open he walked into the room, which looked identical to his bedroom from earlier on in the house, only about 17 years earlier in time. They walked in and sat down on the bed, just looking around the room. All of a sudden the door opened and a little boy walked in. The kid, who was about 6 years old, was crying and ran to the corner and sobbed, almost in hysterics. Adair glanced at the boy and then looked away ashamed. Vincent could tell that it was Adair at a younger age. They looked just like each other, only seventeen years older and younger. The door, which the boy shut carefully, then slammed open forcefully. A man, about 50 years of age, stormed in. “You pathetic little s**t! It’s all your fault! That was no mistake! YOU MEANT TO KILL THAT WOMAN!” the man screamed. He was turning red in the face, a heart attack just waiting to happen. The boy shrieked in fear and tried to squirm further into the corner. The man walked over and smacked the little boy in the head. He then seemed to get into the swing of things and kicked, punched, and clawed at the little boy. Slamming his head into wall, he stopped only when the blood burst forth in a crimson fountain and the boy’s body went limp. The man huffed and walked out of the room. Then the room swirled and it turned into an empty room. White walls and nothing in it, Vincent and Adair found themselves standing.
Adair was looking down and seemed to not know what to do with his limbs. He suddenly walked out of the room and ran back to the first room they were in, the dining room. He crouched in his corner and remained silent, even after Vincent rejoined him. “That was a memory of yours,” Vincent stated. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement of the obvious. He squatted down and rested a hand on the shoulder of Adair, who flinched and started shaking. “My worst memories are of being beaten. The ******** room chose that memory of all of them. Why.... Why does it torment me? This entire house torments me to the brink of insanity,” Adair muttered. “You came to me when I asked to be saved. How can you become my savior?” Vincent just stared at him and then stood up suddenly. “Come with me,” he demanded.
Chapter 2: A New Person
He grabbed both of Adair’s shoulders and suddenly they were up in the air, flying over the city. Floating better described the experience. They were running through the sky. The air itself was their ground. The real ground, far below, was like a patchwork quilt of colors and shades and textures. The roofs of houses looked like fish scales. The forests looked ridged and bumpy. The oceans were great ripples of the deepest and most beautiful blue. The world is bland and colorless while on the ground. To see real color you need to be in the air, above the clouds and the birds. Soaring that high up, Adair felt free. When he realized how idiotically cliché that sounded, he bit his cheek and savored the taste of his blood. As suddenly as they took off, they landed with barely a rustle of clothing. “Where are we?” Adair asked. He looked around and took in his surroundings. They were in a large open field. The outskirts of a forest were about a mile to their left. Straight ahead was just open space. To the right was a large lake with a rocky shoreline. The open field was full of long grass. The night sky was pitch black with a full moon. The blackness was speckled with twinkling stars. The light from the moon and stars illuminated the field and Adair saw emptiness. He noticed that Vincent was a few yards away by himself. He wandered over and noticed that he was actually talking to another man. The mysterious stranger was literally tall, dark, and handsome. He was wearing a trench coat, a black tank top, black pants, and army boots. It was Matrix to a T. He even had the sunglasses to match. Keanu Reeves would be proud. Or ashamed. Take a choice, pick a number. Confusion was part of life, and, due to recent events, Adair sure was confused. He began to realize just how sad he was, when he started thinking about life theories because of how someone was dressed. He looked over at the strange man and asked what his name was. “I’m Riff. Riff Devine. Who the hell are you guys?” The man newly revealed as Riff asked. Vincent looked over at him and raised an eyebrow. “Temper, temper. I am Vincent. That is Adair. This is all you need to know about us. For now.” Vincent told him. Riff looked down at the ground, embarrassed by his inquisitiveness. “Do you guys want to come up to my house for a bit?” Riff asked. “I can make some coffee, and then we could all…” His voice dropped off. Adair looked in shock over at Riff. He had just met him, and he was already being offered sex… Man-sex. But Adair was bisexual, so it was all good. He looked over at Riff and nodded. “Sure. Sounds good to me. What do you think Vincent?” He asked. Vincent looked at him in surprise. “Wait…can vampires even HAVE sex?” Adair innocently asked. Vincent laughed hysterically in reply. “Yes, we can have sex. We just cannot spawn children. We ‘shoot blanks’ as you would say.” Vincent shrugged as he said this. Riff became wild-eyed. “You are a VAMPIRE?! Ooooooh man, this is bad…this is bad…. very very…VERY bad.” Riff was working himself into hysterics. He ran his hands through his hair repeatedly, and kept moaning. It was enough to make one think that he had never seen a vampire before. Although most mortals thought that the idea was odd, they never freaked out like this ever… It made Vincent laugh…hard. He was standing there, just holding his sides, and laughing at this man who was freaking out. Adair stood idly by and watched. Finally he just sighed heavily and drew a deep breath. “Can we move on now?” he asked meekly. Riff calmed down right away. “Yeah. Lets go over to my house. It’s right over there.” He pointed off to a small yellow house. As they got closer, Adair noticed that the pain was peeling off the house. The white paint on the windowsills was peeling as well. The paint job gave the whole place an extremely creepy, spooky, horror movie-ish feel. The blood stained tombstones and skeletons strewn across the back yard added to the feeling, but only slightly. Riff pulled out some keys with a rhythmic jingle and unlocked the door. He pushed the door open and walked inside, gesturing for Adair and Vincent to follow him.
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2005 12:19 pm
your amazing codi....and as for the one that stated this topic....i like it but i would love to read more.....
ok...i guess its my turn
i don't have much written like the rest of you but i have a story idea...it is a little strange but i have to know some will read it....
ok...my main character is a teenage girl of the age 15 and she gets kidnapped and taken to an underground whore house....its almost like a mafia type thing but theres different lines of people....the leader of this who industry is an 84 year old man named eric....he has a 47year old son by the name vincent and a 19 year old grandson named shadow....vincent followed the family business but shadow refuses but he grew up down in this whore house type industry so he has a few friends...robert is the man who kidnaps jessica....our main character....robert is a good friend of shadows and plans on giving jessica to him.....a lot happens in the story but its a romance story....i just have to put it down in words....i think i should stop before i give away the whole story though....
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2005 10:59 pm
Heh you guys rock. I almost never finish what I start...the few times I actually get around to starting anything. crying
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Posted: Fri Feb 04, 2005 8:44 am
Naito Heh you guys rock. I almost never finish what I start...the few times I actually get around to starting anything. crying
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Posted: Fri Feb 04, 2005 2:34 pm
I'm taking a class this semester.
Called creative writing.
And I have to write a lot.
And it's really hard to get inspiration.
Maybe I'll post my stuff sometime.
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![[The][Irkin][Army]'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/f2/37/5455fa12137f2_flip.png?t=1227409793_6.00_00)
