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 Posted: Fri May 14, 2010 11:48 pm
So, everyone here knows what Open Letters are right? Basically they're letters written with the knowledge that everyone will read it. A letter that is open to the public! Not much explanation as to why this thread exist is needed, so let me jump straight into it!
Dear Lady Gaga,
I appreciate your music, you have lots of really catchy songs, they're fun to dance to, or listen while driving around in your vehicle of choice. But I do not like you, so if you could go ahead and stop making likable music, it would be cool. You're not very attractive, and your style is a little too bulky for me, so if everything else could follow suit, I'd very much appreciate it.
LOTSA LOVE,
Buzz <3
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Dear Ke$Ha,
You are a drunken mess, but your music reminds me of the 80s, and that's pretty cool. And seeing how as everyone in the 80s WAS a drunken mess, I don't mind that you are one too.
Barfing in your general direction,
Buzz <3
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Dear NyQuil liquigels
Why are you so big? Have you heard about how people like small things now? YEAH! It's about time you damn horse pills caught on! I just want my next cold to be a little more pleasurable for my already sore throat!
Lots of Mucus build up,
Buzz <3
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KK! YOUR TURN NOW GUYS! I'll post more later!
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Posted: Sat May 15, 2010 9:07 am
Dear bedroom;
CLEAN YOURSELF.
Sincerely, Ezzy
------------------------------
Dear weather;
It's too damn hot to be cleaning my room. Lower the outside temperature to like 68 degrees.
Sincerely, Ezzy
------------------------------
Dear parents;
Since the weather is not going to change itself at my will, PLEASE TURN THE ******** AIR CONDITIONER ON. I am cooperating as much as I can while dealing with my hoarding tendencies, but my back is sweating in this ******** hot house.
Also, I will put my books and various tchotchkes shiny objects where I damn well please.
Sincerely, Ezzy
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Posted: Sat May 15, 2010 10:59 am
  Dear TLC, Please stop making such interesting shows about weddings and wedding dresses. I have no interest in getting married, but your shows make me want a wedding dress because they are so attractive. Many thanks, Toastums. 
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Posted: Sat May 15, 2010 11:23 am
On Toastie's Note,
Dear TLC,
Is it really important that I watch a woman try and handle 8 children all under the age of 10 at best, without a husband? If I wanted that sort of entertainment, I would start my own family.
Sincerely,
Me.
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Posted: Sat May 15, 2010 11:56 am
Dear Buzzyboy,
Hi
With great displeasure,
Ginji
-----------------------
Dear Laundry,
You're filthy, dirty, disgusting and no one would ever want to touch you. Go take a bath with the soap and the dirty dishes and clean yourself up so I don't have to run around naked for the rest of the week.
Yours Truly,
Ginji
----------------------
Dear Valve,
Come out with episode 3 already so the people bitching for it can shut up.
True Dat,
Ginji
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Posted: Sat May 15, 2010 12:33 pm
Dear fabric,
Please sew yourself so I don't have to spend my three days off next week sweat shopping for AN. Remember to do proper rolled hems!
Love,
Mea.
---
Dear Photo,
Stop being a little b***h and watch Glee. It's got Neil Patrick Harris and Lady Gaga next episode, what more could you possibly want?
I'll kick you in the crotch,
Mea.
---
Dear Hattie,
I'm playing Henry Hatsworth and I can't stop mentally inserting you in place for him. It's rather hilarious, but irritating at the same time.
I don't even,
Mea.
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Posted: Sat May 15, 2010 6:22 pm
Dear America's Next Top Model,
I hate you.
-Vanilla
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Posted: Sat May 15, 2010 6:47 pm
Dear Internet,
Why must you scar me so much. I try to do good by you but instead you just mentally beat me.
Roy~
---------------
Dear Valve,
Engineer Update plz?
Salad~
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Posted: Sat May 15, 2010 6:53 pm
Dear fabric stoors in sin's area,
Seriously, stock some black fleece. This is not cool. I needs that s**t.
----
Dear room/closet
CLEEN YOU MOFO SELF. AND UNPACK MY s**t OUTA MY SISTERS ROOM WHILE YOUR AT IT. Then sort everything I don't need into piles for goodwill/garage sail/trash. and sort everything elce that I don't need to be living into boxes. ktx <3
---
Dear self,
GET A MOFO JOB YOU LASY ******** <3.
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Dear future roomates,
Seriously, ANSWER MY TXTS SO WE CAN PLAN THE MOVE ALL ******** READY. jeash.
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Dear fuzzy boyfriend,
You are coming hear wendsday. and we are getting your haircut. there will be no exceptions. you look like a girl. also, when we kiss your hair gets in my eyes and its not nice. also, your generic asian go-tee and mustash may also be casulties. THEY ARE GOING DOWN BITCHES. biggrin
-With love, sinsin.
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Posted: Sat May 15, 2010 6:57 pm
Dear father;
SHOVE IT UP YOUR a**.
I am a GIRL. Girls have lower body strength, men have upper body strength. You can lift a goddamn 100-pound mattress, and I can push it up the stairs. Do NOT try and make me do it the other way around.
Every thing I do for you, you make me feel inadequate. No matter what I do, it's never good enough for you. I ******** hate that. I wish I could get the hell out of this house but I don't have a job- by the way, quit pissing me off about my lack of employment. I have been home 16 hours and a college graduate 36 hours and you're going to get on my a** about not having a job? Go. To. HELL.
By the way, all of my friends think you're a sexist pig. Maybe you shouldn't say in front of them that women can't do directions (and if one says she's great with directions, don't tell her she's part male!) and that men are smarter than women. Between us, we can kick your AARP a**, and I've been watching Forensic Files, so they'll never find the body.
- Sincerely, Ezzy
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Posted: Sat May 15, 2010 7:19 pm
Dear Franny and Zooey:
I would really like to read you so I can do anything else with my life (ie, read other books, ie, other salinger books) so I would appreciate it if you did not make me fall asleep after every five pages? It makes it hard to get through. I realize I read while I'm trying to fall asleep, and that doesn't help, but you are not doing your part either.
Sincerely,
me.
Dear hair -
You are adorable and I love that but maybe if your bedhead can look a little bit less retarded? Not asking for a lot.
Sincerely,
Under you.
Dear money, honey -
Why do you hate me so much? I don't TRY to lose you or misplace you or have you stolen, and I love you so very much, but you continue to just DISAPPEAR on me. I DO NOT APPRECIATE IT. I am waiting for your swift return! D:
Sincerely,
No seriously get yourself the ******** back in my pants pocket.
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Posted: Mon May 17, 2010 7:10 am
Dear Parents,
STOP IT! Stop your damn complaining about what your kids are watching, stop your damn complaining about what your kids are learning from TV, stop your damn complaining about the things being taught in school! If you asswipes spent HALF the time you spend complaining, actually TEACHING YOUR KIDS WHAT THEY SHOULD BE LEARNING, you wouldn't have to complain. Miley is being a slut? WHY ARE YOU TELLING YOUR KIDS THEY SHOULD BE LIKE MILEY IN THE FIRST PLACE?! If my lilttle sister EVER dressed like Miley and started grinding up on some 40 year old, my mom would smack her into a boarding school in the friggin Himalayas! Your kids are violent? Why don't you punish them the first time they try to piledrive their little brother? PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR KIDS AND TEACH THEM WHATS RIGHT AND WRONG AND DON'T EXPECT THE WORLD TO DO IT FOR YOU! UGH! I AM SO GLAD I'M NOT A PARENT RIGHT NOW! Id smack my kids across the face ALL THE TIME with ABSOLUTELY NO SHAME FOR WHERE I AM! CALL CHILD SERVICES! SEND MY KID INTO FOSTER CARE! MAKE THEM THE LITTLE DELINQUENTS A GOOD COUPLE OF SMACKS WOULD HAVE PREVENTED!
SO ******** MAD AT YOU AND YOUR CAMPAIGNS TO END EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD,
Buzz...
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Dear Ginji,
HEY BABYBOP! AND WHAT?!?! YOU ARE DISPLEASED TO TALK TO ME?
With complete and utter concern for your well being,
Buzz <3
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Dear Miley Cyrus,
WHEN DOES YOUR NEXT CD COME OUT?!?! I AM LOVING THE NEW SONG! AND I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! I CAN'T BE TAMED EITHER!!! biggrin
Your unconditional fan,
Buzz <3
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Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 8:39 am
;________________________; Spoiler alert.
Dear Lost: Episode #614
;____________________________;
Why are you doing this to me? Why do you insist on tearing my heart to shreds? I still have two eps to go until I catch up and yet I am in such pain I dont think I can go on.
HOW can you just kill them? HOW?? They are the ORIGINALS. You cant just kill off original people like that! Not so many at once!
Sun and Jin ;_______; I screamed and clapped and cried when you got back together. What was that, the last episode? And now you're together for eternity ;____; BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAD!!!! LOST!!! Why did you have to take BOTH of them? They have a baby!!! I love Sun. I used to hate Jin but now I love him too. Lost you are a douche.
AND SAYID DDDDDD; OH SAYID D; I didnt like you at all this season but every other season I did! Why did you have to die?
Lost please dont kill anyone else. At least let Hugo live. You killed my very favorite character Charlie. Then you killed my other very favorite Locke, AND are cruel enough to have him in every episode except its not him D: PLEASE dont kill my last remaining favorite too! LET HUGO LIVE DDD: You can kill Jack, or Kate, or Claire. I DONT CARE. Just dont kill Hurley!!! DDDD: Or Sawyer. But ESPECIALLY not Hurley. Please.
I hate you.
Nymphie.
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Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 12:32 pm
Dear Aaron's Brother; The bathroom is not your personal space. You cannot just chillax in there and read a goddamned book. If you need to poop, do it! Don't just sit there nonchalantly on the can and pretend to do it. Best Wishes, Toast. --- Dear Life, Stop making everything so hard. Not Your b***h, Toast.
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Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 2:25 pm
Dear FF.Net Reviewers: LOOK UP THE MEANING OF TRAGEDY AND STOP ASKING ME FOR A HAPPY ENDING! The story is labeled a TRAGEDY. Spoiler alert: I'M GOING TO KILL ALL THE MAIN CHARACTERS! I have even specifically constructed the main character as a Greek Heroine who is being ******** over by Fortune at every turn! Also, this is not so much as a rant but a laugh-at-the-silly-person:  Say it with me now: Heel-face-turn! I can't wait until she gets to chapter 4. Goddamn crazy people- but at least they share their thoughts. I can't get anyone to read my original fiction. Makes me feel like a loser. Love- ETB. ------------- Dear SGers: Uh... yeah. I am on FF.Net. No, I don't think I want any of you to find me on there. I'm only there to practice... and to make the plot bunnies go away and stop the voices in my head. ._. Love, Ezzy who shall remain anonymous.
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Reply
