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 Posted: Wed May 05, 2010 9:32 pm
First time: I was at my friend's house and he brother who is only a few years older than me came home. I was sitting on the couch when my friend went to the bathroom. She was in there for a while, no need to go into details about that. So her brother came up behind me and put his arms around my shoulders and started touching my boobs. I shook his hands away and he returned them, lower. Much lower. By this time my friend came out of the bathroom and saw what was happening. She yelled at her brother and I called her parents.
Second time: I was walking home from school and work one day when some guy I didn't know came up behind me. he said, "Hey sexy. Want to come back to my place for a little fun?" Then he slapped my a**. I was wearing skinny jeans, a tank top, and an open jacket. He started touching me when I said 'no' and continued walking. He threw me against a wall and started undoing my clothes. Thank god skinny jeans can be so hard to get on and off. Those where the only things that saved me from losing my innocence. While this was happening someone saw it and called the cops.
Third time: I was at a party with my class mates. Everyone but people who were driving, where drunk. I'm sitting on the couch, drinking a soda, talking to my friend when a guy, drunk yes, came up to me and started doing a lap dance to me. I'm like "WTF IS HAPPENING!" and pushed him away. He then tried to rape me in front of everyone. Thankfully my friend slapped him over the head with a broom stick and he stopped what he was doing.
Forth time: I was molested at the end of my work day. A co-worker I worked with tried to rape me but just ended up only molesting me. Some other co-workers saw and called the cops.
***On all of these times, the cops where called***
The most recent of them all. This happened about 2 weeks ago
Fifth time: I was at my friend's house spending the night. Yes, we still have sleep-overs. Not my point. Her brother is there and me and her brother are great friends. He wouldn't do anything to me. So 11:30om comes along and my friend's brother's best friend comes over. We were all in the living room watching TV. It's about 12:30am now and I'm like barely staying away so I tell them I'm going to bed. I head into the room and get into bed that my friend had provided for me. A few minutes later I feel someone climb on top of me. A hand slides up my shirt and starts feeling my breasts, and another hand slides down my pants and starts to finger me. I push the hands away open my eyes. When I open my eyes I find my best friend's brother's best friend sitting on me. He said, "Don't worry sexy. It will only hurt for a second. Then you will be in heaven." He starts kissing me and undressing me. I start to scream and try to push him away but he covers my mouth. My friend comes in a few minutes later followed by his brother. Both with a disgusted expression on their face. They see me trying to get away, half dressed, and they get him off me. They kick the friend out of the house after we call the cops and his parents.
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Posted: Thu May 06, 2010 1:54 pm
WOAH! I hope in the future u will b jus fyne (:
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CindyRella__xx Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu May 06, 2010 4:55 pm
I tried to kill myself after each of those times. The memories haunt me like nothing I've ever known before.
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Posted: Thu May 06, 2010 5:55 pm
If you're still being bothered by what happened, I'd strongly suggest therapy or at least counselling.
When you're feeling a bit low about it, you should try to do some positive thinking. While I was pregnant with my daughter, I had a lot of the same "haunting" memories and such, but I did a lot of positive thinking so instead of thinking like, "Ew, I'm gross... 15 years old and pregnant, no one wants me, etc. etc.," I had to catch myself and change my thoughts to something like, "I'm stronger now, I'll be a great mother, I can do this, etc etc."
You seem to have a very good remembrance of all of this, that's good. C: It might be a painful thing to remember, but if you can remember it well, then you can grow from it well.
If there's anything you'd like to talk about, I'm here to listen... er... read. I've been through that same s**t before. It's a tough nut, but it'll crack eventually.
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Posted: Thu May 06, 2010 8:35 pm
It's easier said than done when it comes to therapy. I'm just one of those people who can't sit in a room and talk to a total stranger about my problems. It's hard for me to open up since, because of my past, I keep everyone locked out.
I've tried positive thinging. It doesn't work for me...
I do have a good remembrance of these because they scared me. I didn't know what was happening. I was scared...
It's not easy for me to talk to people. I keep everyone shut out of my life. It's even hard for me to talk about it here, but I'm managing.
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Posted: Fri May 07, 2010 1:55 pm
i DID also tried to die and i qot surqery cuz of that . And i promise my true love tht i wouldnt hurt him by cuttinq . But ... i know how the memories come back cause i still remeber that boy kissing my neck and pushed me to wall ..... I have my story there so i knoe .... Killinq isnt the answr .. Trust me i tryd and it hurt my whole family
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CindyRella__xx Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat May 08, 2010 12:15 am
At least you have people to turn to who loves you and cares for you. I don't. My family hates me and I'm slowly losing all my friend to drugs, drinking, drunk driing, and other things like that.
I only have one person in my life who actually loves me and cares about me. That's my best friend Mortisha. I've known her my entire life and she's the only one I can turn to. No one BUT HER.
At least you guys have people you can turn to when something like this happens...
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Posted: Sat May 08, 2010 7:26 am
Everyone has someone for them.
You have that friend of yours, right?
If you really trust her, then you could talk to her about it.
Also; you mentioned that so far the police were called every single time? Did they do anything? I know when the police were called for my assault, they mentioned they'd do something. They even sent a police over to my house to interview me about the assault... However, they never contacted me since, and I don't know if my attacker is still loose or in jail. But I only called once...
It's hard to believe that you can call the police over five times and they still don't do anything about it.
If all of these people were someone you know, you do have the right to take them to court.
But the best way to heal from rape is talking about it to someone who can help. From one survivor to another, I think talking to a therapist or a counselor helps the best. My therapist has really helped me with dealing with the assault, as well as raising my daughter.
I can understand how you feel about talking to strangers, or even talking about the assault in general. But if you keep it bottled up inside, you'll eventually break.
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CindyRella__xx Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat May 08, 2010 8:23 pm
True at least u have some1 2 tlk 2 nd express ur feelinqz wif
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Posted: Sat May 08, 2010 8:46 pm
I can trust her, but I can't get around to telling her this. She's one of those people that can be overly protective. I don't want to be watched by her 24/7 or even have her hire body guards for me. Yes, she will go to that lengths to protect me.
The police did do something about them. I took them to court, they went to jail, and now they are on parol. If they get off parol with no trouble they will be out of jail.
I can't talk to people about things like this. It's too much for me to handle.
I'd rather break than go to a counselor or therapist. I'd rather end up dieing in a corner, crying myself to my death.
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Posted: Sat May 08, 2010 9:21 pm
Well, you're only as happy as you'll allow yourself to be.
If you don't feel comfortable telling even you're closest friend, then I would suggest calling a suicide hotline, or a crisis hotline.
I think someone posted a thread full of hotlines
here.
And though it seems bad, it's really not... I haven't called one myself yet, (I haven't really needed to.), But I have called one for unplanned pregnancy. It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. The man on the other end just gave me advice and told me the best ways to approach my mother about the situation.
If you can't trust your friend, and you can't trust anyone and you're not willing to change, or step out of your comfort zone for help. Then you'll do exactly what you wanted.random babe48 I'd rather break than go to a counselor or therapist. I'd rather end up dieing in a corner, crying myself to my death.
My situation is probably VERY different from yours, especially since I have no choice but to tell people that I was raped. You have the choice of whether or not you want it to take over your life or not. I could've chose to end it all... I could've chose to abort my daughter, bottle everything up... I could've even chosen to kill myself. But there's more to life than letting petty events bring you down.
If the pain in honestly as severe as you make it out to be, than I'd strongly suggest therapy. Or at least talking to someone about it... Even talking to someone online who can't hear you or see you might be best.
Dealing With Rape
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Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 2:07 am
At least you have help and someone to talk to about it. I was molest I have no one talk about it. I feel lots of shame enough not to tell my family.
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Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 12:47 pm
It's not that I don't want to trust people, its that I'm scared of the outcome. I told my friends and family about an abusive relationship I was in and they went crazy. They hired a body guard for me for months. It was embarrassing. I don't want to be embarrassed anymore. I feel better talking about it here, but its still hard to talk about.
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Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 4:59 pm
Im a qood lisenter / reader and i like tlkinq bout it .... even if its hard 2 ask
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CindyRella__xx Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 6:39 pm
I can see that alot of you that posted in my forum post thingy are very kind, caring, and helpful. I guess I could say thanks for that. You read my stories, you didn't laugh, you gave me adive, and you're trying to help me through it. I like that. Thanks to all who read and posted in my little forum post here.
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