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[Raffle] Sailor Spica Senshi of candles / Ariel Storm[Mark?] Goto Page: 1 2 [>] [»|]

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yoko lorako

PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2010 9:29 pm


I ask the mule and she told me to post here saying I owned a slot (from a previous raffle).
I was not able to rp before, so i was waiting to post the information

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Senshi: Sailor Spica senshi of candles

Name: Ariel Storm

Nicknames: (if any)

Age: 16

Birthday: 28/01

Sign: Aquarius

Blood Type: 0+

Fav. Food: pizza , salmon, sushi. She can eat any of this at any time of the day. Pizza salmon and salmon sushi are of course the best choice. Why not a pizza with sushi one day ?

Hated Food: french fries, cakes. She likes potatoes, but she doesn't know why she can't stand french fries. For cake she can eat some cakes like apple pie, or strawberry cake (even if she eats only the strawberries actually). She just doesn't like sugar so much.

School: Crystal Academy

Hobbies:

ridding horses : her family is running an equestrian center. So since she is little she loves to ride horses. The ideal riding horse should be somewhere between a hack and a hunter and should show quality, substance, good bone, correct conformation, presence and true action. For her it's like a training to sharpened her abilities to see her environment in motion. Like being able to see something hidden even if you are not in a position comfortable (on the horse's back).
When she moved at Crystal Academy she was not able to ride as often as she wanted. But every time she goes back home she will go see her horse, Fallon, a cream colored mare with long light marron hair (the picture is just for an idea, because unicorn with purple hair is not possible ahah)
She is working at the center during week end, to help her parents. She is the one taking care of accounting, sometimes teaching when her parents are busy.

Listening music : really found in music, she always has her ipod in her pocket. Listenning to all worlds music, she likes pop music more than anything, but can change to rock music or classical.
She has a wide knowledge about names and genre. She likes to know the last hits and always wake up with a new song every morning to give her energy. Music is her way to relax, become hyper, sometimes cry. She has memories about people associated with songs sometimes and when she hears it she will remember good times with her friends.
And she has good ears. When she hears something once she will be able to remember the name and the title of the song (with the artist).
This hobby may come from her mother who was always singing for her when she was little and had difficulties to sleep.

It help her too during battle, because of her good ears she can figure out quickly the position of enemies.

Collecting candles : She loves candles, all the shapes, the colors, the scent. Everytime she sees a new one she can't resist to buy it, she just spend her all money in candles. She knows all the good shops which you can found candles, and she knows everything about the history too.
The origin may be because she was leaving in an old farm (the equestrian center was an old farm before being renovating by her parents) and before they had electricity, her family were using candles everywhere to light up. But she loves the atmosphere, being able to see only by the warm flames.

Being with her friends : She is always ready for a party, or just a day with a friend. They don't need to do anything in particular, sometimes just sitting in a cafe and talking or at night watching the stars without saying anything. It is just she likes being with the ones she loves. Maybe because she is the only child in her family, she feels the need to be here to listen to someone as well as being able to talk with all her heart to someone.
Always putting her friends first on her planning. If someone need to talk, she will cancel what is planned without thinking first or if really it's impossible she will find time to listen on phone, even if it's during 2hours.

Gemstone: Aquamarine, Fluorite

Virtues:

open-minded : She is attentive to her surrending. She will not judge people by cover and usually holds no prejudices. She can be friend with anyone as long as they get along. She thinks someone from a different culture can be really interesting and so tend to go talk with people from abroad.
And because she likes to learn, she will read a lot of different book to have a bigger point of view on things.

Sincere friend : Once she decide that someone is worthy of her friendship or love, she will become a tenacious friend or lover, ready to sacrifice everything for her partner and be faithful to them for life.
you can trust her like no one. If she is your friend she will do anything for you, you can follow her with blinded eyes. Like if she says you can jump from a building without any fears, you can do it. Because she cares about her friends the most and will never do anything to hurt them or make them cry.
She also always say the truth to her important people. Never lying to them, no secret between friends is her policy. But it doesn't mean she doesn't lie. On the contrary, if she needs to lie about something she will, she is sincere only to the people she cares about.
She is sincere with herself too, if she doesn't like someone, this person will feel it. She can't hide her feelings. When she is angry she is, when she is happy she is.....

The funny part is she is the senshi of candles, and there is an expression from old time saying "without wax" it means someone "sincere"

Smart : she has a really good brain for math and economy, but she is really bad on the other fields, like history, geography and languages. She likes learning and she has a lot of knowledge about the world arround her, but it seems her memory is selective. She particularly likes economy, and marketing. Developping her skills in "how to understand people way of thinking" on the economy market, she wants later to became a good marketing analist to help her family center. Not that it really is in financial difficulties, but if she can find something new to bring joy to customers she will be happy.
She can analyse quickly a situation and acts according to it fast.
And she is always good advice to her friends. Listenning carefully to the situation they are in, she tries to analyse the best she can and give a prorper answer, sometimes using her own experience.
So as long it is about economy or marketing she will be the best one to consult, but don't ask her to find a place on a map, you will end in a dark forest for sure.

Flaws:

Holds grudges : you know how people says "Revenge is a dish best served cold" ? it's the same for Ariel. If she is deceived, her anger is terrible, if she is disillusioned, she doesn't forgive. Simmering anger and resentment, rudeness or, worse, a tense, threatening silence, which may suddenly burst out in eruptions of extreme temper, these are all part of her negative side.

Determined and Stubborn : it's really difficult to make her admit she is wrong. Except if it's a close friend, she may not listen. Because she is straight to her ideas, she will stay fixed on what she thinks is good or bad.
And if she wants to do something, you will have really big difficulties to make her changer her mind. When she starts to do something she will do it until she is satisfied.
So sometimes she is disappointed emotionally because her own high ideals cause her to demand more of others than is reasonable.

Straightforward : usually people think she is kind of cold because if she has something to say or to do she will not take multiple direction to do it. If she said it to a friend, it will be for their good, never to hurt them. It is just she lacks of delicacy.
She thinks it's better when people are not hiding what they are thinking all the time. It only cause misunderstanding.
But always saying what she is thinking put her in delicat situation most of the time. Because when she doesn't like someone she will make him/her feel it, and say what she is thinking, she can attract some animous reaction.


Challenge: In the name of Spica, I'll punish you. (if possible to change the cert I would like "I will be the light in your nightmare"

Attack #1 (for senshi)
NAME: Hot wax ball
[What it does] She can form wax ball in her palm and then send it to the ennemy. First it's really hot so it burn their skin, and then when it solidify it will unable them to move correctly.
She needs to limit her use of wax ball. She can throws arround 5 small balls, but if she sends everything at the same time she will run out of energy in 30 sec. If she throws less ball she can last 3 mins. The best is using her attack 3 times during a battle. If she uses more she will sleep during a whole day.

Attack #1a (for senshi)
NAME: Fire wax ball : Being the senshi of candles she can use fire power too. She can add fire to her wax ball, making it even more painfull and hot. But because it use more power to create fire, she can do this attack only 3 times.


Attack #2: (for Eternal and beyond for senshi) wink
PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2010 6:35 am


Your first attack doesn't really remind me of candles, as it's just fire. Very hot wax balls would do the trick better in my opinion.
Also, your attack 1a is supposed to be an upgrade to attack 1, which means its effects are improved somehow. Candle Bow is a completely different attack you got there; you might want to have it be your 2nd attack at Eternal stage instead.

Also, there's information lacking. Is there a limited range? A time limit? How many times can she use it? Does she have to wait between attacks? Does she have control over her attacks? For Candle Bow, is there a limit to the number of fire arrows, or does the bow vanishes after a time limit, or something?

Dark_Musashi


yoko lorako

PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2010 11:49 pm



thank you, I will think about that. I just have the image of Sailor Mars fire bow in mind for the 2nd attack.
I didn't know you needed to give all this information. redface
Soquili Teepee Soquili quest
PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2010 11:52 pm


I'm thinking that you need a lot more work on your profile and hobbies. How does the hobbies tie into her personality? Please elaborate more on the personality, since at the moment, it's incredibly short and a bit on the uninformative side.

Please look around on the diaries/accepted quests section to see the details that should go into personality!

revenant aria


yoko lorako

PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2010 12:07 am



I don't think all your hobbies should reflect your personality. I mean you can like riding horses just for the feeling of it. But i see your point, i will try to develop much.
Soquili Teepee Soquili quest
PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2010 1:46 am


Friendly advice: you should check the Accepted Quests subforum to have a better idea of the kind of information we need, and how developed your profile should be. It never hurts to explain how exactly a flaw affects negatively her relationships and life in general, or how her virtues make her kikable to most people. wink

Also, I'm not that good when it comes to giving crits on a personality, but I think there is potential to make her "straightforward" virtue also a flaw. Is she so straightforward that sometimes, she says thinks people would really not want to hear?
Also, how would she react to people trying to convince her she's wrong, since she's so keen on being honest? Is she hypocritical enough to reject the truth while preaching it?

Dark_Musashi


yoko lorako

PostPosted: Sun May 09, 2010 1:27 am



Ok thank you for your advice. I will try to upgrate it ^^ (but later now i am busy ^^)
Soquili Teepee Soquili quest
PostPosted: Sun May 09, 2010 9:28 am


First I'd like to say Welcome back! I was wondering where the owner of her went because her fuku design is awesome! Now on to the critique....sorry its a novel sweatdrop

I would definitely Run your whole profile through spell/grammar check. There are a few errors that are distracting when you read the profile.

Quote:
ridding horses : when she has time she loved to ride horses.


Hobbies:

Riding Horses:I like the information you have here, it sounds like she really knows what she's taking about. One way to expand this would be to answer a couple more questions like: Does she have a horse? If so, what is it's name? How long has she had it? If she doesn't have one,where does she go to ride horses? How often is she riding horses?

Listening to music : I would probably take out the "She just likes to know everything" or change it so that it specifically pertains to music. Otherwise it feels like a filler sentence.

Shopping : What is her style? What are her favorite clothes? Where does she like to shop? Does she prefer to do it alone or with people?

Gemstone: Aquamarine, Fluorite

Virtues:
Straight forward : I think "Strict" and "Straightforward" are two different things. Strict means that you run a tight ship, and are punctual and sometimes bossy. Straightforward means that you get to the point, don't hold back or hold in. I like how you explain her reasoning behind being straightforward at the end.

Sincere: What do you mean they can follow her with blinded eyes? Is she incapable of lying completely, or does she just not like to? What caused her to be so honest, if anything specific?

Smart : What are her favorite subjects? Does she spend an excessive amount of time studying? Does she read a lot, or do extra homework to get the concept down? Does she like to help her friends out if they are in trouble?

Flaws:
Holds grudges : I believe the quote is "Revenge is a dish best served cold"

Stubborn : I would expand on this one some more as well. How is she stubborn. For my character, this means that she will cross her arms, hold her breath, basically act like a child if she is told she is in the wrong. How does your character act? How long will this stubbornness last?


Attacks:
Nothing really to say on the attacks other to expand the information about them. Duration, ow many times it can be used in battle, the pros and cons of the attack.


Final Thoughts:

You have a great start to a character, I just think you need to go a little more in depth in her character for us to really get a feel of what she's like. I would also suggest adding at least one more flaw, since it looks like you only have two and that's not really enough for us to fully understand her. I would also maybe add in a post or something about her family. Everyone has connections that help develop who they are, and I would like to see where Ariel comes from.

Blue Eyed Melloon

Skilled Connoisseur

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Guine

Crew

Lonely Explorer

PostPosted: Sun May 09, 2010 4:07 pm


She looks like she has great potential! I’m excited for you!

I just have a few notes to share. I agree with the previous note on the grammatical errors. It shouldn’t be too difficult of a fix, though.

Actually, I keep looking back and forth from my own notes and they seem to be the same as Blue Eyed Melloon… So I apologize it any of it sounds like it’s being repeated. Maybe my notes will just help get ideas flowing?

Anyway. I also think you should expand upon her love of riding horses. How long has she been riding horses? How did she get into riding horses? Is it a family thing or was she introduced to it when she was older?

For the “Listening to music” part I think you put “gender” instead of “genre”? Elaborate on this, too. Is there a reason she is so into music? Is it some kind of escape?

Same with “Shopping” — don’t be afraid to elaborate more. How does she have a good sense about how to wear clothes? Does she read fashion magazines? Does she watch “What Not To Wear?” Did her mother teach her?

Hanging out with friends seems to be a filler hobby. I think this should be developed further to what she likes to do with her friends rather than just “hang out”. Also, does it cause problems when she cancels plans to talk with friends? What if she ends up canceling plans on one friend for another?

I feel like her virtues and flaws can be developed a little more, as well, but they have a good start!

I also think that her attacks pertain more to “wax” instead of candles. Is there any way to incorporate the flame and wick?

Last thing, maybe there’s a way to make her more connected to her Senshi? Why is she the Senshi of Candles? When I think of candles, I think of the power being out and having to light candles in order to see, or in a romantic setting, or even elegant setting. Is there any way to melt (pun intended) it all together?

Hope this helps! Best of luck!! <3
PostPosted: Sat May 15, 2010 11:48 pm



Blue Eyes Melloon < yeh I am not really active because of work, I just get time to maybe rp her. And I am French so yes there will be grammar mistakes !!

Guine < for the attacks I wanted to integrate flame but someone told me it will be a fire attack so no good sweatdrop for me a candle is wax, flame and wick too

For both I will try to develop the personality, but I think it's hard to develop someone before rping, because I tend to see how the character changes by interracting with others.
Soquili Teepee Soquili quest

yoko lorako


yoko lorako

PostPosted: Sat May 15, 2010 11:54 pm



and I would like to point out something else, because I think everyone misunderstood. For me being sincere and being honest is not the same things !

Sincerity is the virtue of one who speaks truly about his or her own feelings, thoughts, desires. Sincere expression carries risks to the speaker, since the ordinary screens used in everyday life are opened to the outside world. At the same time, we expect our friends, our lovers, our leaders "to be sincere".

Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and denotes positive, virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness along with the absence of lying, cheating, or theft

I want to point out that she is true to herself, not that she never lied
Soquili Teepee Soquili quest
PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 7:48 am


One thing I noticed is your first attack is too long. Most battles make take hours to rp, but in Real Life time, they are only 3-4 minutes. That's why most peoples attacks only last around thirty seconds. One hour is too long.

Blue Eyed Melloon

Skilled Connoisseur

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yoko lorako

PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 9:37 pm


Blue Eyed Melloon
One thing I noticed is your first attack is too long. Most battles make take hours to rp, but in Real Life time, they are only 3-4 minutes. That's why most peoples attacks only last around thirty seconds. One hour is too long.

Oh I didn't really know about the attack time. Thank you
Soquili Teepee Soquili quest
PostPosted: Sun May 30, 2010 2:30 pm


Was so busy didn't had the time to come back. If someone finds an other comment to make to my senshi please go ahead ^^ So i can finish her up to start rp.
Thank you

yoko lorako


yoko lorako

PostPosted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 12:40 am



If anyone has new crit you're welcome ^^
Soquili Teepee Soquili quest
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