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Night
Based on the book: Night

One long night is all that it takes
To show the world what hate looks like
Many die and the rest just watch
Children cry, they get shot
Those who live go slowly insane
Father and son relationships fade away
One long night is all that it takes
One long night that God is asleep

I am finding myself in the need of saying I am not all doom and gloom.

Pray For Death


I pray for death to come to take me away
Everyday day I live is like fighting the flow of destiny
I want to take my last breath
And yet I cannot get myself to snuff out the flame of my life
I have longed for death for so long
Something of the unknown holds me to the world of the living
I pray for death to come to take me away but it still hasn’t come

Short and simple, Doom and gloom

stole my heart

He stole my heart with one look
He captivated my mind with one word
He warmed my skin with one touch
He had my soul in just one day
He toke my life with one shot

Here is an Non doom and gloom one. This is in my top five.

Beautiful

I may not be skinny
but I am beautiful
I know I'm not purfect
but I am beautiful
I may not have grace
but I don't care
I am beautiful
who cares if I don't fit in a size four
I may not have the best smile
but I am still wining when I talk
I have friends who care about whats inside
I am not popular
but I always have fun
I don't look good in a dress
and my hair may be a mess
I'm not proper
but none of that matters
who cares what others say
I am beautiful

One thing I notice is that you could use more descriptive words, or the like. For example, instead of "My voice is lost in the many cries of others" you could write something similar to "My trembeling voice is lost in the tormented cries of others." Obviously, you needn't describe both, but it gives more dynamic to the feel of the line.

It's also odd, that you break this up, and use two completely different styles. I am not saying it's a bad thing at all. Though, my one feeling is that it doesn't feel completely finished.

Over all though, this really captivated me.

Your poem before this Night, or based on the book Night. Was pretty amazing too. But, since I don't know how much of it is coming from the book, or the like, I don't want to comment too much on it. It was really good.

Edit: I have written a critique guide, if you'd like to take a look at it in the School House forum.

I wrote this for someone I was really close to once who moved away. He means a lot to me a helped me a lot. He is the one who toke down the wall I awalys had around me and changed my whole world. We may not be able to be as close as we were but he is oftten on my mind.

You’re My Angel
When I think of you, my heart starts to race
And a smile comes across my face
You’re my angel

The day we met changed my life
You showed me that even a girl like me could be wonderful
You showed me that the world is not as terrifying as I always dreamed
You saved me without even trying
You held me even when I was crying
You’re my angel

You picked me out of the dark and showed me the light for the first time
Even now that you’re gone just thinking of you makes everything feel like it is going to be all right
So even if you never know what you mean to me you’ll be in my thoughts
Even if I never see you again you’ll always be with me
You are my angel