Welcome to Gaia! ::

Name: Marvin Patrivolia

Nickname: Watheva' clava' stuff you can think of !

Age: 19

Birthday: April 5

Sign: Aries

Gemstone: Bloodstone

Blood Type: Ab+

Fav. Food:Anything sweet

Hated Food:Anything minty

School: THERE IS NO SCHOOL WITH ENOUGH PARTIES, SO NONE! In the mean time, he's a part time traveler and a full time DJ.

Hobbies:

Party-arty: He lives to party. If there is a party somewhere, he'll be there. THere is no birthday he doesn't know of. Marvin can organize a party *snaps* just like that. A pirate themed party? No problem. I met someone in my travels. A bear? No sweat! A zookeeper still owes me for helping him gather animals. So, late for an anniversary, last minute baking and bouquets can be found on this site. If he goes 1 year without a party, he would crack and destroy

Chess : Lets face it. After a party, he gets a bit excited. TO calm his nerves down, he plays chess with random people in the park. He wins half the time, but he loses half the other time.

Traveling : Another thing he does to calm his nerves. After WAY too much Parties, he travels from place to place. He mostly travels with his dad.

Virtues:

Friendly: So he's friendly and makes friends fast. Since he's a DJ, every guy that went to a party that he DJed, will immediately become a mutual friend. His circle of friends at UK is exactly 658 friends. Large, hunh.

Did you know that there is ... No task ... To difficult For Marvin! Dedication: He is dedicated to making parties and DJ-ing. No matter what you want him to do, no matter how ridiculous it is, he will do it (in reason of course. Nothing like, striping for my daughter) ! Once, he did a human Pinata for his neighbors son.

Logical: He is pretty logic. Sometimes, he can plan a whole trip just by seeing your budget and the places you want to go.

Flaws:

Distracted: Once Marvin sees something like a butterfly passing, he forgets everything and stares at it for about 2 min. So that's why he plays chess before studying or an exam. It helps him focus.

Distant: This is one of his faults. Because he parties too much, he never comes up to you to say HI (unless friend) Unless he really wants to. If you are a hot girl and you want to make a contact, don't.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Pink?

Hair: Ponytailed blond hair.

Face: Go Crazy!!!

Ben Patrivolia (dad,39) : He's the dad of Marvin. He's an Archeologist, so he travels the world. Sometimes, he brings Marvin. He's the one who introduced traveling and chess to Marv.

Lea Patrivolia (mom,39) : She is a scientist in the UK. She is working on curing cancer. But she is also teaching science to Jins and Jinxs.

Jins & Jinxs Patrivolia (Bro & sis,14) : The Smart Twins brother and sister of Marvin.

Nina (Cat) : A Scottish Fold that he adopted in Scotland.

Now open for crits/marking!!!

O OK. I have a few back-up spheres. SOme of them include:
Crime
Strategy
War
Code
And Ideas.

edited.

I said it once and I'll say it again, stop bumping your quest as it REALLY annoys people and makes them adverse to leaving critique.

What race is he to have the name Kinja? Curious.

Hobbies should be things that ALLOW him to play with other characters. Out of the 3, 2 he doesn't want people to know about, so in otherwords, useless. Also, as a comic book reader, it would be IMPOSSIBLE for him to have a full collection of X-men and what I assume you meant Iron-Man. Why is it Impossible? So many exist and are rare collectibles, unless your kid is filthy rich and MAGICALLY found selling for the more rarer editions, he'd have more like a large collection, probably most made up of trades.

Strategy is sue. Because no one is a master.

What type of dance? Why does he dance? Why does he not want people to know about this?

Courageous: Elzo told Killingworth to go ******** himself once. He regretted this action greatly. Saying s**t isn't special in Hillworth. Almost all the guys talk s**t. That's not courageous, that's just them being stupid s**t talkers.

Independent: How is he independent? Why? In what kinds of situations does he need help?

Self-reliance and self esteem are to VERY different things.

Haste: I don't see an explanation. Doing stuff fast? Elaborate.

reckless: A lot of people have used this flaw. What makes this flaw unique to your guy? Why is he reckless? In what cases?

Victory Sphere: Victory means winning so right off, I'm leery as it screams OP.
You attacks are also greatly into another senshi's sphere, BATTLE. You're doing basically the SAME THING her attacks are and that is not cool.

My best suggestion would be pick a different sphere entirely.

Alright, I'm just going to go through this bit by bit. First of all, this needs to be fleshed out more. Explain WHY he has certain hobbies and how they affect his life. Explain how his virtues and flaws affect his day to day activities.

The birthstone for Aries is not Malachite, it is a diamond. Alternate birthstones are Bloodstone, Topaz Sapphire, Jasper, and Aquamarine.



Having the entire collection of X-men, for a 16 year old, means having spent hundreds of thousands of dollars. Unless these comics were passed down to him (sorry, but this seems pretty unlikely), there is no way he would have the full collection of X-men comics. I know, I own a hell of a lot.



The chess contest? What chess contest? Against who? Held where? No 16 year old is going to be a “master of strategies” without a particular reason. Without a great deal of life experience, teenagers are unlikely to be masters of something like this because outside of games they are rarely given the chance to really exercise strategizing. Also, what kind of strategizing? Is he best at coming up with quick, on the spot plans or long-term strategies? You really need to think through the specifics and practicality of hobbies, because these are things that will affect his everyday life.



This isn't courage, this is being a d**k. There is really nothing truly courageous about telling someone to go ******** themselves. It's something twelve year olds do to prove to their friends that they are Billy McBadass and aren't afraid of the Principal.

I would rephrase this virtue as being “bold”, but also rephrase how he uses it. I have never had someone say “go ******** yourself” to me and walked away from that encounter thinking, “Wow, what a virtuous individual! Now that is a trait that I can respect and admire!” Also, how far does this “courage” go? Does it apply to teachers or only his peers? Does he acknowledge when someone is making a valid point or does he just tell everyone to ******** off and go galloping off into the sunset on his horse like the lone rider? Think about how this is going to affect him. Nobody wants to be friends with a guy who is just going to tell them to ******** off anytime something happens.



Independent*. Independence covers more than just being able to get out of a tight situation by yourself. It includes self-reliance in day to day life and not being influenced or controlled much by the opinions of others. Think more specifically. How does this affect his interactions with others? How does this come into play when other people try to help him?



This should just be combined with independent and another virtue should be added that actually hints that he has some redeeming quality. Self-esteem, as Vamps said, is NOT self reliance. So far both of his virtues are self-centered and don't really discuss how he interacts with others. What virtues does he have that would make other people admire him?



This does not describe him at all. If he is so good at strategizing, how can he be hasty and reckless? He would lose every chess match he ever played if this was true. You really need to think this through more, because right now he does not sound like a real person at all.