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Negaverse: Sailor Hel, Corrupted Senshi of Ash

Name: Lorelei Ameti

Age: 17

Birthday: November 1st
Blood Type: A+

Sign: Scorpio

Fav. Food: Chocolate, it’s so bad but soooo good.

Hated Food: Fast Food, it’s so fast it goes straight to your thighs.

School: Crystal Academy

Hobbies:

Life Drawing: She doesn’t remember where it started from really, probably before she joined the negaverse. Regardless she can often be found sketching people around her as well as things that catch her interest. Sometimes she keeps mini ‘s**t lists’ in her sketches listing a series of people with random doodles regarding how she feels about them. Another fun fact; she’s never seen with one sketch book for long. When she henshiens up without prior planning she ends up having to hide it for later, or simply dispose of it on the spot in trash bin and buy another later . She does have a single leather bound book though that she keeps her best sketches in beside some of her favorite books.
Fantasy Fiction She’s read interview with a vampire'; hell she's read all of Ann Rice's books. Wheel of Time is under her belt though she hasn't gotten the last book to finish the set. Guilty as charged: She's read Twilight as well but only for the sake of evil vampires in Italy, they have their s**t together at least and know how to make a living off others. The reason she went for old time fantasy? Cheesy romance and the anti-hero, from Vampires who angst and create an undead child to fulfill the idea of a family while being delicious looking, to Artemis Enteri, cold and strong, a total badass, the perfect man.

Singing and Dancing: Her parents never quite approved of this ‘lady gaga’ and the ‘hipping and the hopping’ since they don’t know what ‘the jazz is all about’ but Lorelei has always enjoyed singing and dancing as much as her parents disapproved of their daughter shaking her assets in such an undignified manner. However with a new found life in the negaverse that is far less strict about such things has resulted in Lorelei occasionally letting it ‘all hang out’.

Meddling Affairs: With time to kill and a city full of people to mess with Lorelei has developed a new pleasure in toying with the citizens of the city, from stalking people around appearing as that creepy little red riding hood girl in the corner of your eye to watch someone slowly become paranoid. Nagging neighbors will suddenly be ‘moving out’ or befall a series of illnesses ending in a coma. Mean parents will often also disappear leaving kids confused and frightened, their bodies showing up days later. For her friends though this goes a bit farther than simply causing aimless chaos and torment to the average population. If a friend has a problem with another person Hel / Lorelei will often step in trying to solve the problem or ensure that the person causing trouble ‘has a change of heart’. While she might have the best intentions in the later meddling it can cause just as much trouble when the help isn’t wanted.
Gemstone: Topaz

Virtues:
Minding Your P’s and Q’s: She was once raised with manners and always knew how to put on a decent show of head nodding and saying yes when someone wants to hear it. Life isn’t always that simple and sometimes Lorelei accepts that she has little choice but to be nice to people she would rather tell to shove off. Even when she raises her voice she tries not to swear, and always pays lip service in the face of superiors, from teachers to negaverse Captains. Though once out of ear shot a few choice words might slip out.

Social Butterfly: Wine and dine with all the new guys is a great way to kill time even bothering the older members of the Negaverse just to learn a little more about what’s been going on. She’s always willing to meet new members to the team if only to get some kicks off their first kill and the ensuing hell storm they will hear from Charonite if they do something wrong. If she takes interest in a nega-agent she might play the mother hen, watching and following them around with taunts and advice to keep them in a bit of order. In school it often results in meeting new students. She even volunteers’ now and again at Crystal to show possible candidates around the school as a chance to expand her rings of friends ever more.

Because I Care: From leaving an ash rose in your pocket, to making fun of your outfit or how badly you did last weekend you know Lorelei cares when she starts to tease you. While she will smile, nod and play along with people she doesn’t agree with through gritted teeth you know she actually cares when she takes the time to smile and make a remark about how you could be the perfect pocket sized scout, or some other slightly out of left field remark.


Flaws:

Indoor Voices: When she's upset, she doesn't have an indoor voice, when she thinks she's right and you're wrong, she doesn't have an indoor voice. Whenever something gets under Lorelei’s skin it’s sure to spike a rise in her voice and a switch in tongue that would hardly be called lady like. Keep going long enough and you'll be sure to end up with a slap of ash to the face which surely won't help make anything better.

I Won’t Tell If You Won’t: Lying and keeping secrets has always been in Lorelei’s history. Rather than covering up wild nights out on the town instead of studying like she did in the past, now she now lies about why she forgot to hide the body. In her mind she loves to think that a little white lie here and there will solve all life’s little problems and make them go away. It’s once she’s caught that problems arise. Most of her lies are often to cover her own mistakes, typically trying to blame outside forces for her issues. From an alarm clock that failed to go off, to a ‘surprise attack’ (she really just got punched in the face, hard.) Anything to keep her mistakes from showing; in the worst case she will try to skirt around details with Nealite and Charonite. Not outright lying but she won’t be eager to tell them the truth that she screwed up.
From causing distrusts among allies and bringing down the wrath of her superiors, once caught in a lie she has to deal with the punishment along with working to regain their good graces after pissing someone off. She won’t lie to avoid her job, she only lies later after she’s screwed the pooch on said job.

What? Was It Something I Said?: Even though she means well with her teasing, or has the best intentions when she suggest something, sometimes she just doesn’t see what the consequences of her actions mean in a bigger picture. So long as she’s having fun she might not realize who’s expense it’s at till said person turns around and throws it back in her face.

A Special Snow Flake: Lorelei is a Crystal City Girl. Sailor Hel is a corrupted Senshi. This makes her better then you because she’s the elite of the elite, at least in her mind that’s how the world works. With the title of being a Crystal girl she tends to view Hillworth as gutter trash, all brutes and thugs with no real sense of intelligence. Meadowview is… passable but mostly full of the people that wish they were half as amazing as the Crystal students. Sadly boys are immediately screwed as they have no comparable school but Lorelei figures they will never amount to more than a pervert, a fool, or a cute guy who sadly just didn’t have the right teachings. As a Negaverse agent she loves to think of herself as one of the ‘select few’ because of being a corrupted Senshi. Often she will try to take over control of operations, disobey direct orders from Captains due to the fact that she believes as one of the currently 4 corrupted Senshi she is ‘more important’ then a run of the mill negaverse agent. Which is great and all, except for when she pisses the wrong person off and they report her to the General King…



Challenge: Ashes to Ashes Dust to Dust!

Attacks:
1A Ash Strike!:
Target: Self
Duration: As long as activated, once ash touches ground it no longer slows movements.
Effect: Sailor Hel calls out her attack which causes clouds of ash to seep from her hands and feet, these clouds don’t grow very large and anyone near them will feel an uncomfortable heat as if passing near a fire. As Sailor Hel attacks her opponents the Ash will trail behind her cluttering the battle field and sticking to her targets, those hit with the ash or move through it while its in the air will find they move slower, as well as start to feel uncomfortably warm. The ash can be blown or brushed off as well as washed away. In regards to slowing it only slows the movements of where it touches. IE: An arm won’t move as quickly, your legs move sluggish and if your whole body is covered you feel like moving through a small mound of ash much like a light snow.

1B Burst Of Ash!:
Duration: Twice per battle, with a post between uses (3 posts for Hel to use it twice)
Target: Area of Effect
Effect: Sailor Hel calls out the power after having activated her first ability, this power increases the amount of ash she puts out for one minute (the post it’s activated in.) She is able to leave a trail of ash from her whole body that spreads about as wide as your average sidewalk block, any part of her body used to attack an opponent will have the same effect of slowing an opponent down, as well as creating large areas of heat that will cause general discomfort. Once again ash can still be brushed off but a larger amount takes more time to move or blow away.

2 Ashes Reborn!:
Duration: Twice Per Battle(Cooldown last’s one enemy post allowing her to use it ‘twice in a row’), last until Effect is triggered.
Target: Self
Effect: Sailor Hel continues to shed ash from her previous powers, however she appears to turn a pale shade of gray as her whole outfit and body seem to shed like slow falling ash. In this state she is unable to attack others however if someone attacks her she will burst into a cloud of ash reforming in a new pile of ash left behind from her previous attacks. (Best used after Burst Of Ash to create more areas to reform in.) If she does not have enough ash nearby to reform in she will simply reappear where she was standing when hit.

• Note all ash remains after touching the ground, like summoned sand or fire, it will eventually act like normal ash on contact with the ground causing a large mess.

(( Thanks to Akina Ende and Lil for working with me on powers and trying to keep from overlapping with others ;u; And to DOKTOR MOWSE! She’s been helping loads!))

Updated, I wasn't sure how the civilian life worked it's way into the corruption process, but I spoke to a few people and looked up Nova.

Trying to get someone to look at this for grammar, but it's now updated personality wise.

edit: Massive love to mel for helping with a grammar crack down.

Updated~ Moved lying into flaws, added a new virtue and removed under the bus from flaws and added one to replace it. Also changed her virtues adding in Because I care.

Edit: Added another hobbies and more info on her sketching.

I really like the attacks you have, I don't have much of a crit atm. However, there's a few places that might could use a comma.

For example:

Sailor Hel calls out her power and once again seems to shed ash with every movement, she is able to move freely but unable to make contact with another person friend or foe or any physical object else she will trigger its single charge.

This might be better as:

Useable twice a battle. Sailor Hel calls out her power and once again seems to shed ash with every movement, she is able to move freely but unable to make contact with another person; friend, foe, or any physical object; else she will trigger its single charge.

Suggested grammar tweaks taken, I am the killer of the English language and I do apologize for it.

Keep in mind that with her "Life Drawing" hobby, your corrupted senshi will need to carry her sketchbook with her 24/7 -- it can't disappear into the same subspace pocket as her henshin pen. If she sketches her victims before getting rid of them and either another senshi or law-abiding citizen finds it, that evidence could be quite painful -- especially if she signs her sketches with her civillian name! Even if she signs it "Sailor Hel," the fact that Lorelei Ameti has such evidence in her possession could raise a few unwanted questions. You might want to rethink having her sketch her victims, since carrying around a sketchpad can be quite cumbersome as well as messy depending on which Negaverse agent she's paired with. ^^

With 'Fantasy Fiction,' what's so special about the books she's read? Why does she like them? Why specifically fiction? Why the fantasy subgenre and not the sci-fi? Young adult books or adult? I'd like to see this hobby a bit more personalized for Lorelei. :3

I like her 'Meddling Affairs' hobby, as that opens the gate for a TON of RP that sounds like it'd be a blast! Your last sentence "hangs" a bit to me, though: "From kids who 'wish mom and dad would go away' to people who 'wish this person would stop bothering them.'" <-- Why? What? What happens? Does she pretend to be a do-gooder senshi to keep her cover? To gain trust and smash it again and again? What if someone she tries to manipulate in this fashion survives and spreads the word that she's evil? What would she do then?

Her "polite" and "social" virtues need to be a bit more personalized. Those two virtues are VERY popular virtues -- what about the way Lorelei is polite/social makes others look up to her and know her to be polite/sociable? For instance, is she polite to the point that even when she's yelling at someone at the top of her lungs she's still being polite about it (ie, "You ruined EVERYTHING!" vs. "You should have been more considerate and followed the back-up plan instead of charging off like a do-gooding Senshi!")? How is she social? Will she go out of her way to welcome new recruits to the negaverse? Keep an eye on them like a mother hen? etc etc.

"I Won't Tell If You Won't" needs a bit more explanation for me. Does she slack off on purpose and lie to cover it up? Why? Does she lie because it's easier/faster way out of things? Keep in mind that if Charonite or Beryl catches her lying, the punishment will not be pleasant to the point where she might be disinclined to lie again. Ever.
Perhaps make it so that she lies in her favor/to her benefit? As a civilian, say she slept in late -- would she use the excuse that she's sick in order to take the rest of the day off? Or would she somehow twist her words to make it seem like it was someone else's fault in order to get someone else in trouble? Right now, the flaw comes off to me as "she lies." Why? How? What's so important about the fact that she lies that she could be known for it?

For her attacks, how long does 'Ash Strike' last? When someone moves through the ash, they move slower -- what if she was, say, against my Sailor Merope (senshi of Rogue Waves) and got some ash on his arm. Would just his arm be slower, or his whole body? Now, since his attack is in essence summoning a wave to punch people... Let's say he lands a punch against her. Would the water be able to wash off/lessen the affects of the ash? Or would soaking her be enough to nullify the ash seeping out of one of her hands/sleeves should the water make contact with that area?
Added to that, how long does this attack last? :3 How far can the ash be away from her before it disappears/has no effect?

Her eternal attack can't shed the same ash as her previous powers -- eternal attacks need to be different from senshi/super level powers. Aside from that, I really dig the effect of it! What happens if she starts out with that eternal attack and starts to, er, "flake out" when there aren't any other piles of ash around? What if, say, Sailor Duhr (senshi of Tornadoes) is fighting against her and manages to blow all of the piles of ash away -- what then? Would she simply burst into a cloud of hot, stinging ash before gathering up elsewhere and reforming? LOL READING/COMPREHENSION FAIL nevermind XDDD

All in all, I think you have a very good start of a character here -- I just need to see her stand out a bit more from the crowd with some more individuality. For her flaws/virtues, I need more "how/why" explicitly stated, really. <3

*Bumps*