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SECTION TWO

Sailor Scout: Sailor Arachne

Concept:

• Basics -- Forceful. Passionate. Obsessive. Phobia. Spiders. Fangs. Creepy-crawlies. Dark Corners. Rolled up newspaper (oh come on, i had to)
  
• Inspirational Images -- Spider coat coat corset corset boots bracelet
  
• What's in a Name? -- Lysander is a Greek name meaning "One who is Freed". I intended this to be able to play into his character as he will be 'freed' of his fears.
  
• What's in a Sign? -- The Scorpio, another arachnid and Lysander's zodiac, sign plays heavily on his personality. Scorpio is a feminine sign and while Lysander isn't quite 'girly' he's not exactaly Mr. Man either. All his virtues and flaws come directly from basic qualities of a Scorpio

Challenge: The only thing you have to fear .... is me!

Attack #1 - Arachne's Venom!
[Arachne cups his hands over each other and a ball of violent green energy starts to grow between his palms. Once enough energy is collected the orb is throw at an enemy. Once struck the enemy takes the effect of the harsh acid burning into their skin and clothing ((Note: The balls can only get about the size of a baseball. They work on the same basis of an Orb of Acid spell in dnd and strikes that connect burn so long as the acid is still on skin or clothing. The acid can burn through clothing/fabrics and cause 1st degree burns if it contacts skin.))]

• Duration: Instantaneous, the orbs must be thrown within one post or Arachne risks burning himself.
  
• Avoidable: Yes. Arachne must throw the balls himself so they're only as good as his aim.
  
• Downside: If Arachne can't throw the ball within a post of it's creation the acid orb will begin to burn his own hands

Attack #1a - Arachne Venomous Wish!
[Arachne cups his hands over each other and a ball of violent green energy starts to grow between his palms. Once enough energy is collected the orb is throw at an enemy. Once struck the enemy takes the effect of the harsh acid burning into their skin and clothing. ((Note: The balls can only get about the size of a softball. Now the acid can not be removed from whatever surface they strike and continue to cause burns. The orbs can also now cause splash effects. Near-by targets (enemies and allies take a weaker form of damage equivalent to the weaker version of the attack. This attack can be done once per battle then Arachne is reduced to his base attack.))]

• Duration: Instantaneous, the orbs must be thrown within one post or Arachne risks burning himself.
  
• Avoidable: Yes. Arachne must throw the balls himself so they're only as good as his aim.
  
• Downside: If Arachne can't throw the ball within a post of it's creation the acid orb will begin to burn his own hands. The orbs splash effects can also harm allies if they are close to the point of impact

Attack #2 - Widow's Kiss
[Arachne holds his hands out in front of him and the misty form of a spider appears in his hands. The spider drops from his hands and skurries across the battle field toward his enemies intent on sinking it's fangs into their flesh.. Enemies are poisoned by the spiders venom and suffer it's effects for one minute. ((Note: Arachne can only hit one target with the attack. The ethereal spider disappears once the attack has taken effect)

• Duration:One minute. Effects slowly get worse off as the time lapses. Can only be done once per battle.
  
• Avoidable: Only if you can knock him out before the spider gets you (it disappears if he looses consciousness/stops concentrating). The spider is incorporeal.
  
• Downside: Arachne must concentrate to keep the spider on the battlefield. If he is knocked out or looses focus the spider vanishes and his attack is wasted
  
• Venom Effects:For the first few seconds enemies are unaware of the effects of the bite. The venom slowly drains enemies abilities, sapping their strength and magic energy, while under it's effects. Attacks slowly become harder to maintain or impossible, in the case of attacks that need large amounts of energy, until the venom renders the effected opponent useless magic wise. Note: The effects are not permanent and wear off over time. The complete time span is 4 posts of effects (one without effect and 3 as the effects get worse) On the 5th post the effected individual is almost completely drained of energy. They retain enough to keep powered up but are generally out of power to do more than physical attacks. Stronger opponents (Eternals/Generals/Prince/ss'/GK/Q's) may still be able to get off weak attacks.The total effects last for about one minuet before the opponents powers begin to return

SUP DOOD HERE IS SOME CRIT

Overall profile: Try to stick to the contest profile, I.E. the one in the forms thread. Un-Hobbies and Tidbits should be moved to a different post.

Hobbies!
Scrabble--Does he play in tournaments? How does this provide an opportunity to socialize? Also, re-read: bee's should be bees, loose should be lose, and sense should be since. Give us a history of how this hobby's affected him. Did he play in a club at school, etc etc.

Psychology--Mentioning a thesis paper, what did he write it on? What does he want to concentrate in as a psychologist? How much time does this take up? Does he take classes for this? How did he become interested in psychology?

People watching--Maybe make this and psychology one hobby. Would you say that his love of psychology stems from an interest in people-watching, or did his people-watching come before his psychology? What kind of people-watcher is he? Does he take notes on what he sees? Does he watch people in groups or alone?

Fashion--What designers does he like? If he could shop anywhere with an unlimited charge card, where would he go? How does this affect how people view him?

Virtues:
Passionate sounds like everyone else in the world's passionate--what makes this unique to Lysander? You've got how he's passionate--loudly and out there. Why is he like this? Give more details, an example maybe, that makes this trait really Lysander's. Does he research his viewpoints or assume because he thinks his view is right other people will?

Magnetic is a good writeup for a trait that could very easily become overpowered. But again, it's very general. Who, what, where, when, how--what subjects in particular seem to draw people to him? Where does this often happen: in class? In common day? When does it happen--when he's passionate, or when he's expected to lead? How is he passionate--you say he's vocal but does he write articles or make grandiose speeches?

Dedicated is, again, very general. Refer to my notes on who, what, where, when and how above on how to improve this.

FLAWS:
The who, what, where, when and how will also be helpful. I like the first two traits a lot.

However, his temper seems a little out of place? You've so far formed up a rather logical, cold character--which you should watch out for, by the way, all your flaws are very 'cool' and could shape up a rather flat-seeming badass if you're not cautious!--and then out of nowhere he has this hair-trigger temper? What sets him off? It seems to me that his magnetism would be a little strained if he was seen to yell every time someone showed him up or otherwise set him off... How do these two traits interact?

SENSHINESS!!11

Okay, my only real problem is that your attacks are more for a senshi of illusion than a senshi of arachnophobia. It also only affects those who already have arachnophobia, which seems kind of pointless. INSTEAD, perhaps he inflicts a paralyzing fear of the spiders he causes them to see? Make it like a will save in D&D?

I might also consider just making Sailor Arachne the senshi of spiders in general. You'll get a lot more mileage out of it.

Good luck!

played with the powers. There are 2 versions of the Eternal power because i'm not sure which i want to go with and which would be better fitting in the shop setting

i looked up her quest and the powers he's got are different from hers. I could be wrong but from what i've read people are allowed to have bases that are close so long as they don't have the -same- powers. Kinda like there can be multiple senshi with fire bases, they each just manipulate it different ways.

The personality concept's mostly good, there's just a few bits I want to touch on here...


Okay, first off, I am having an extremely hard time believing that this character is a high-school student and already has a master's thesis written or partially written. A thesis is not so simple that it's something you can do on the side -- if I'm lucky enough to get into grad school and I hit that point, I'm fully expecting to spend a full year or more doing nothing academically but work on my master's thesis. They are full-blown research projects, under the supervision of a professional advisor, and are going to cover topics a lot less broad and interdisciplinary than something like the debate over nature vs. nurture.

Basically imagine that you are writing a small novel, but preluding the actual writing process you are doing months of intensive research to figure out what it's about in the first place and how it's going to end. This is not something that someone enrolled in high school, no matter how gifted they are, can be pursuing as a hobby. I understand you're trying to demonstrate your character's intelligence and dedication to his interests, but demonstrating it by saying he's working on a thesis at his age is too unrealistic. D:



I highly suggest that you try and rewrite Lysander's Magnetic trait, or replace it with something else. Right now it is reading off in a very godmode / twinkish way -- you CANNOT dictate that other characters are naturally drawn to him, or otherwise tell other players how their characters are supposed to react to Lysander in his profile. That said, a trait that's about how others can't help but stand behind him is sort of a bad idea: he can have good leadership skills, but he has to earn a place of leadership and the respect of others through RP.

His Jealous flaw needs something in it that other characters can interact with. How do his jealous tendencies affect his behavior, and how does that make him an unlikable person as both Lysander AND Arachne?


For attacks 1 and 2:
-how long do the acid effects last? D: They need to wear off eventually! Usually a good duration is 20~30 seconds or so.
-how 'harsh' is the acid? Please specify what it does so players know what they're working with.


For the Eternal attack:
- please specify how many targets total Arachne can hit
- Five minutes of total paralysis is WAY TOO LONG. That can get people killed. IMO the stat debuff / corroding their energy is going far enough.

Really? D: I was going off the description in his Dedicated virtue, which makes it seem like he's not joking about it:



If the thesis thing really IS a joke meant to mess with people, then I'd recommend not using it as an example of how dedicated he is to his goals, because that seems pretty contradictory.


The Magnetic trait looked like twinking / godmode because when you write a character profile, you are advertising what other players will expect when interacting with your character. So, when you include phrasing like "people can't help but stand behind him because they believe he is right," it is automatically going to look like you are expecting other players to write their characters behaving that way around Lysander. People don't RP mobs, they RP individuals, so it's not a good idea to assume mob mentality in an RP unless everyone has consented to write their characters as a unified mob first. ^^;


Thanks for clarifying on the attacks! Since a first-degree burn is still going to hurt long after the acid is gone, the effect of the attack itself should probably be instantaneous instead of last as long as 30 seconds. @__@; Sorry about that, I wasn't very good at gauging this without knowing the specific effect was. ;;;

On the Eternal attack:
- does once per battle mean he can only hit one opponent?
- Sorry for not touching on this before, but I'd highly recommend making the attack simpler in its execution (e.g. removing the post-count rules) so it's easier to RP. When I imagine RPing this with one of my characters, it seems restrictive and sort of confusing to have to follow such a specific pattern of how to respond to Arachne's attack.
- Five minutes is the length of a typical battle, so even taking off the paralysis it's still far too long for an effect like that. I'd suggest taking the length down to one minute; which is still more than long enough to get a major advantage from it.

I meant a duration of one minute total for the whole attack -- you still have different times listed in your description. Could you please fix that? <3