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 Posted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 5:10 pm
Quote: After Katrina is a short narrative based off a true witness account of me going down to New Orleans after the category five hurricane, Katrina.
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I stroll the streets of my hometown. Piles of debris and the stench of rotting people lay everywhere. Every house I see, there are markings; how many deaths-pets and humans- and where the water at it's highest point was.
It was horror at it's highest.To be continued...
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Posted: Wed May 12, 2010 12:08 pm
CRITIQUEAce of Music I would consider me and my kin a simple folk. We resign (do you mean "reside" as in "live"?) in the French neighborhood ("the French neighborhood"? Is there just one? Where is it?), and what would be considered the 'suburbs' of the great city of New Orleans. I find myself coming down to New Orleans from my current home in Ohio (Did you used to live in New Orleans so you're visiting family? If so, you need to change the opening. If not, you need to change this.), only for the upsetting death of my dear great uncle. One would expect that at this time, he would've died by drowning, or some electronic shortage of some type. (Why would they expect that? Is he really clumsy? Prone to natural disasters?) Little did I want to hear about the thousands of deaths and the billions of dollars that damn storm caused my hometown. (What does your Uncle and his death have to do with the storm and its damage?)
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I stroll the streets of my hometown. Piles of debris and the stench of rotting people lay everywhere. Every house I see, there are markings; how many deaths-pets and humans- and where the water at it's ("its" not "it's") highest point was.
It was horror at it's its highest.To be continued...
At the moment though, your piece is very basic. It needs much more elaboration on the points I've addressed earlier. Also, your writing gives the impression that you expect the reader to just understand that a storm is devasting. You need to actually explain why it is, not just state that it's "horror".
Hope this helps.
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