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 Posted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 12:05 pm
Khuluma hadn’t been in the herd for months. In that time, he did not know what happened to Pala, what happened to the herd, but he did know that he had mixed feelings about coming back. He had no idea what he was looking for in the end, but he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he wanted to check in, just once, but without notice. He felt ashamed for leaving and now returning, still harboring feelings of regret and longing for the herd, but felt bitter and spiteful to everyone and anyone he could find. Those months alone had been miserable, lonely, but he would have rather suffered than come back to the herd that would have no doubt accepted him back.
But he couldn’t bring himself to go.
Instead, he waited till evening where he was hoping that everyone would be resting and where he could hide in the grass, before he moved from his hiding place and started to move through the tall grass to watch. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed Zebadie, his almost-mother and her children, his almost-sisters and brothers, all grazing and frolicking about. Gobo was sure to be somewhere, but he remained pressed to the ground, in the grass, looking for someone else. The one figure that remained in his head, in his heart, and caused him more anguish than anyone. Where was Pala?
Palahala stepped out from behind a mss of boulders, he was smiling, laughing joyfully as he leapt high in the air "Careful now Ghandi you'll fall." He chuckles glancing back for a moment before settling to the ground beside Zebadie. She was almost like a mother to him nod she expressed that mothering instinct across his own family, it was one big happy mess.
The young chubby cub bounds out after his father "I just can't do it dad! I think you have to have hooves to do it dude." He grins flapping two sets of tiny wings which only made him look more un-gamely as he bounded in the air trying to imitate Palahalas graceful bound, the antelope migrate, thats what Palahala called it. He was starting to regret asking to be taught how to do it. "Hey dad theres a golden yellow lion thing watching us, he's shiny. Hey golden dude!" He calls, plonking himself down next to Faline, nudging her playfully.
Golden..yellow? Palahala turns his head quickly, his chocolate brown eyes landing upon the streak of gold. "Khuluma?" No other golden yellow god had ever been invited to his herd, no lion of that colour had ever been invited here so surely, it must be Khuluma? "Khuluma? Come here little brother where have you been?"
Once again, he failed at being a hunter. He blamed Pala for this, since living in a herd had made him sympathetic to herd beasts. This meant no killing animals, no hunting, and no training. He was growing up, yet he still couldn’t properly hunt. He probably never would be able to, which meant he failed at hiding and stalking animals. He managed to find Pala’s herd, as if he always had a pull that allowed him to find it. It might have been Pala’s power to let him see this as a sanctuary, or maybe he was just lucky. Either way, he hadn’t hoped to be spotted even while he was here.
He hadn’t expected many things.
The little cub made his eyes widen, and he nearly choked on his own breath. A child? A CHILD?! How…how many did he have? One. No. If seeing Zebadie had kids was any reminder, it might have been a litter. His eyes focused on the child, feeling a nostalgic pain in hearing words similar to his own, when he younger and learning to jump and please a god he saw as a brother….maybe even something more.
And now that was gone too, and here was this child. Pala had a new family, a new other, and he felt a sizzling hatred under the sun at the other traits that were not like Pala. This other that Pala had been with. The mate he ran off with. Left him for.
He felt himself digging his claws into the dirt, before he startled. Noticed, and he saw them all look at him. Pala called, and he felt fear at being found out. He hadn’t planned on being seen or noticed, and he didn’t want to talk to the other god. He felt horrid, but what else could he do. He noticed Penya looking over, ears flickering as she stopped nudging her brother, Ghandi. “Khul iz here?” She was older now than when he remembered her as a fragile little child. All grown up. They all grew up. Penya smiled, stepping closer to her mother as she watched with them as Khuluma rose from the grass, his golden coat shimmering under the orange sky.
He didn’t know how he managed to walk, but he slowly drew a few steps towards them, but stopped before he came to close. His tone was flat as he tried to reign in his emotions. His eyes went to the child. “Your son? ….You had a litter?” He felt a sharp pain in his chest. The Goddess of Gravity was right. He never should have felt anything for anyone before. This hurt too much.
Palahala smiles lightly, the hurt in Khulumas voice didn't escape him, but he didn't want to upset Ghandi. "Yes, his mother and I had a, thing." He chuckles looking a little embarrassed "We have gone our separate ways now but the kids come here to play and learn and such." he leans down and nuzzles Ghandi's hair tuft gently "This is Khuluma, Ghandi, he's your uncle." he smiles gently at Khuluma wondering why he was upset. "where have you been little brother? I'v been worried sick about you." he says in a whisper, looking the young male lion over, he though that Khuluma had decided to just leave, that was his prerogative after all. He knew that but still, he did still want to look after the young god, to keep him safe.
Ghandi grins broadly "Khuluma dude! My dad told me all about you, Zebadie said you're the god of talkin' a lot, is that true dude?' He grins innocently marching up to Khuluma and giving him a glomping hug. "You're nearly the colour of my mum, she's golden yellow too. Dude so right I'm Ghandi and I'm the god of pacifism." He puffs out his tiny chest and stretches his two tiny pairs of wings. "Have you come home uncle dude? Dad says you used to live here yanno? Can you bounce like dad? I think it can't be done without hooves dude." he grins broadly sittig right on Khulumas fore paws and looking up with wide eyed innocence.
Zebadie smiles quietly from where she stands, trotting up to Ghandi and nudging him off Khulumas paws "Let the boy settle in before you start with the thousand questions Ghandi. Go on." She looks Khuluma over with a decreeing eye, her golden orbs resting on him. "You better not leave again without telling me young man. I thought you'd been cub-napped or something, I see you're still in one pice at least. Come, sit your butt down. Penya has been missing you." She nods to her daughter and smiles walking around Khuluma she head butt's his butt "don't make me ask again!"
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Posted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 12:17 pm
He felt his ears flatten as Pala spoke, hearing about how he left and had a moment without another person. He had a mate. That was it. Zebadie told him what was what he was looking for after all. Then he had kids, and was acting as if everything was fine. Everything WASN’T fine! It wasn’t fine that Pala left, and it wasn’t fine that he found a mate. It wasn’t fine he had kids, and it wasn’t fine that he had a family. They said they would be family. Why did he gave to go off and find reason to make a new one? Was he defective? Didn’t he try his hardest to please and listen to him? Wasn’t he enough to keep him? It was because he grew up, and when he grew up, he somehow hated him. That was it. He didn’t want him around enough anymore. He wasn’t family. Not blood. He knew it. He wasn’t really related to Pala and they couldn’t be a family. He wanted other kids, HIS kids, to be taken care of. But…if he didn’t want him as family……couldn’t he just…be like that female?
He could keep him company better than she could have.
He wanted to claw his fur off when he heard he had fur like hers. He wanted to tear himself apart when he was regarded as uncle. He didn’t approve of this child. He hated this child. He hated everything about him. He didn’t want him near him, didn’t like that he was part of the union between Pala and the female, and he hated him being here. Family. Blood. He hated all of it.
When the child came up to him, his lip curled and his ears went back. Pala, familiar with his brother Predators, would have seen the fur raise on his haunches. Ghandi took no notice, and continued to talk, before he was pushed away. Zebadi didn’t know how lucky she had been in moving him away just then. Standing there, he was then pushed by the klipspringer to come with them, but he remained firm in place, pushing back and then turning about to grow at her. “Stop it!”
He didn’t need her pushing him into this herd. He didn’t want to be here. Why did he even bother in the first place. His eyes flashed at the child. “I’m not YOUR uncle! I want nothing to do with you. I hate you and your mother.” His eyes flashed to Pala. “And I hate you most of all. How dare you run off to be with her. Wasn’t I enough for you? You welcomed me into your herd, said I was family, and t hen run off once you grow a bit taller! You’re the worst god I have ever met. I would rather meet the Gods of Plague and Rot than have ever met you. You’re a horrible god, Pala, and for you to think nothing is wrong is just as mean. Didn’t you even care about me? At all?! You said you were sick but why should you care? You ewre the one that left! Don’t you think I felt sick when you ran off?! I hope you felt real sick then. I hope it ate you up like it did me.” His voice was booming, louder than most gods. It rose up, demanded an audience, left itself to be heard all around. It brimmed with emotion, power, and strength, though Khuluma himself felt small and fragile.
“I don’t want to be a uncle or a brother. I don’t want you as my family anymore, Palahala. If this is how family treat each other, then I’d rather be alone like I was.”
Penya was clutched close to the other God, looking at Khuluma. He seemed scarier than she imagined him, but he had once been such a nice brother. He use to wear antlers and they would play. He tried to learn to jump and had been getting better. They use to all sleep together, and then he suddenly left without saying a word. Penya remembered all the questions Khuluma had for Zebadie, about where Pala went, why he was gone, and when he was coming back. Even though Penya knew about mating, Khuluma didn’t seem to want to play or talk anymore after that. Now he was angry and mean looking. He reminded her of a lion now more than a god. What happened to her brother?
At the first shout of an outburst Palahala leapt forwards and pulled Ghandi behind his legs, a disappointed frown crossed his maw. "Khuluma, what are you saying? I don't understand the question you are asking of me brother. Aren't you enough? You are my brother Khuluma, you have always been my brother and always will be but I had needs outside of your ability. One day you will want children of your own Khuluma, do you think I will be angry with you for expanding our family? Don't be ridiculous, why are you so angry? Do you think I love you less because I have more family now?| He snorts looking down at Ghandi, his chocolate brown eyes gentle caring. I was worried about you when I came back and you were gone. We searched for ages to bring you back but you weren't to be found, then the cubs came and still you ere no where to be seen. Khuluma, why are you so angry that you would kA your anger out on someone so young and innocent hmm?" He shakes his head, deep disappointment in his gaze as he looks at Khuluma. "Come, sit for a while and calm your self down."
Zebadie trots over to Palahala, a slight sigh on her lips as she nudges the young god. "Don't be frightened Ghandi. It would seem your uncle has some problems that need to be talked out.
Ghandi blinks owlishly, his own chocolate eyes flickering between his calm father and the raging 'uncle' "'m not frightened dudette. Do you think uncle Khuluma needs a hug?" he grins in an innocent babyish manner, ignoring completely the conflict that was happening. Being Pacifism dh it's advantages, he saw conflict as something he could control, something he didn't really need to be concerned about.
“I don’t want to sit.” He didn’t want to move. He didn’t know if he should stay or go, so he just stood there, looking to the ground, debating with himself if he should shout or run to Pala. He preferred shouting right. “I don’t care about children. I don’t want them. I only wanted you. That’s all I ever wanted, and you still went. I don’t care about you wanting more family. I don’t want you to have more family. I want you to only have me, and you didn’t. You ran off, and I had to stay, and you said I don’t have what you need. I want to have what you need. I wanted you to stay for me and no one else. Will you always run away when you have that need? When you have more family? You can’t say you would have more or less love for someone. You’ll just have less time, and when you don’t have the time for me, then what then? I liked it better when it was just us. Why did you have to go off and ruin that?” He didn’t dare look at Ghandi, ignoring the child as he wanted. Ghandi was part of the problem, and he knew that since it was Pala’s son, his blood, he was closer.
“In the end, if it was between him or me, you’d pick him because he’s your son. I don’t care if you say something different, because that’s the truth. I never wanted you to become a parent. Not to someone else. You should have just stayed with me. You should have been happy without kids. Without a mate. Just me.” He wanted all of him, and he didn’t get that.
He looked up at the older God, furious tears shaking in his eyes. “I loved you.”
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 12:53 pm
Palahala frowned "Why would I have to choose Khulima? I don't understand why I would have to choose?" The large hooved god took a step forwards, his ears flattening in to his mane. "I have always loved you Khuluma. I still love you." he smiles softly, he had obviously missed something here. He had missed that Khulumas love was not the love of one brother to another. Not the love he had for Ghandi, a family tie. Khulumas love was the love a mate would share for another. he realised he had broken Khulumas heart, without ever intending to.
"I love you as my brother Khuluma, you are my childrens uncle, You are my family. Is that, is that not enough? That i love you as a part of my family?" He frowns a little taking another step forwards. "Come back to me, to us, Khuluma. I will always love you as my brother."
Zebadie cringed behind the large god standing in front of Ghandi. She guessed that Palahala had finally realised what Khuluma wanted. It broke her heart hearing it but she knew the boundry needed to be put in place. Khuluma was like one of her fawns and she was watching his heart be broken. "We all still love you Khuluma." She whispers looking to Ghandi. "No Ghandi, stay still." She smiles.
Ghandi pouts a bit "Awes, dudette, he might like a hug though?" He flashes a innocent childish smile at Khuluma. "Hey Uncle Khuluma you have to come and stay, you know how to play tag dude?" He grins broadly, the conflict of the moment and the charged air completely going over his young head.
Palahala smiles a little. "You remember we used to play tag in the long grass hmm?" he smiles softly at Khuluma. "Come back to your family Khuluma, we miss you."
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 1:09 pm
While Pala hadn't intended to hurt, his ignorance of the situation was making matters worse. With each clear statement that he was just a brother, a child, a something that wasn’t the something he wanted, he felt his insides twist like coiling snakes and a flaring heat directed at Pala. What had been a soft, tender love was boiling in disappointment and bitterness to a disfigured hatred. He hated the fact that Pala was seeing him as nothing more. That the god didn't understand what he meant even though he felt he was making himself as clear as possible. He hated the child for not getting it and being just as stupid as Pala was now of the situation. He hated everyone for being so nice to him because it made it hard to hate them even more. It made him feel like he was being cruel when it should have been them being cruel to him.
Pala had given him a place to live. The first sweet taste of protection, family, and home, and the God's attention had made him feel greatly attached to him. The second the God had left, he felt a sense of abandonment he never had before, and while he had been alone before meeting Pala, he felt a loneliness he never had before. A loneliness you only feel when you have someone and they leave. In a spark and flash, he realized he loved Pala then and also that he had lost him.
He couldn't stay here any longer. Not now. Not when he felt this way. "I remember. I remember everything we did. They are my fondest memories and they are the ones that hurt me the most. I don't want to be your brother. I don't want to be your child. I might have, but not now. I wanted to be yours. I wanted you to only want me. Not some goddess! Now you have so many others to take care of that I can't be that. I can't be your family anymore! Not when – Not when I hate you this much!"
For each step that Pala had taken, Khuluma was retreating back away from them. "I can't stay with you." He looked to Ghandi. "With them." He looked to Zebadie. "Or with you." They all hurt him too much to look at. "I was wrong. This wasn't my home. This place can't be my home. Homes shouldn't make you feel like this." Homes were happy places filled with warmth, protection, and love. He only felt on edge here and the fur on his back was on the rise, a quiver of hatred sliding like hot fire down his spine.
Now he was moving faster back, faster, gaining more distance between them. He didn't want to break down here. He wanted to leave while he could and never look back. Never think about this place and the god he loved. He wanted to run away from these feelings and just not bother anymore. Leave it in the past and never near Pala's herd again. It was his fault. His fault for making him feel this way and doing this. HIS FAULT!
Turning, he ran. He gained speed and once he was sure he had enough, leaped up into the sky and away from the god and his ex-family.
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