Journal of D-Tech 182 [Beware of flying codes]

[Dulcea]

Who is D-Tech 182?
Well you see children, a long long time ago there was a woman with a little stink baby. She didn't really like her stink baby, he was always running into things. But she kept him anyway, because he made a good table. This is love children. And I can still balance a glass on my head.

His Past
IT'S WHERE IT IS.

His Present
THERE ARE NO PRESENTS.

Others say: 182 is an oddball for sure, he makes sense on occassion, but he overreacts and he's always coming up with these crackpot conspiracy theories. The only reason he's kept around is that once in a blue moon he comes up with the brilliant ideas.  

[Dulcea]

To help you understand.

If something 182 says makes no sense, try one of the following coders. He often speaks, and writes, in code so that no one will be able to steal his thoughts and turn him in to the booby hatch.

Shifted Alphabet
http://www.theproblemsite.com/codes/shifted.asp  

[Dulcea]

Uifsf xbt b ofx zfbst dfmfcsbujpo mbtu ojhiu. Uifsf xfsf qfpqmf fwfszxifsf. Uifsf xbt ljttjoh. Uifsf xfsf tujoljft. Uifsf xbt b tujolz uibu ljttfe nf. 013 uijolt tif xbt cmjoe.

The children are all happy happy. I spent a lot of time in the lab. The lab is quiet. The lab is clean. Quiet and clean are good things. There's nothing in there to touch my things or steal my hats. There was a spot of blue on my coat today, I don't know what it was.  

[Dulcea]

013 jt bo pee pof. If gmjsut b mpu. If ejeo'u bqqsfdjbuf nz buufnqu bu nbljoh vt cmfoe jo, tbje ju xbt b evnc jefb. J mjlf 247. Fwfo jg if sfgvtfe nz dbnpgmbvhf. Uif cptt xbt dbmmfe jo, tp J xfou cbdl up uif mbc.

Last night there was a party at the new Gambino manor. Everything was fine, the corporation got some new attention. A few people seemed to agree with my Elf theory, though the majority were skeptical. They'll all see though, when that red mistress returns. I tried to blend in by kissing 013, he didn't seem happy about it. But when I mentioned that his secrets might be uncovered he went and started flirting with the women again. Then he went and got the boss, I'm not sure why. 247 got some attention he wasn't looking for. It was an interesting night.