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 Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 8:03 pm
Who: Zul and Lucia
Where: on the shore by Alex’s home
When: around 1 am
Weather: clear but pretty warm
Lucia’s hair lay in soft waves around her face. It had a slight wildness to it, from living by the salty air for a few weeks. Her face was clean and without any make-up. She hadn’t felt the desire to look good. She was wearing an oversized black zip-up sweatshirt – something she had found at Yuu’s home when she had gathered her things – and then cut simple slits for her wings. There were dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. She didn’t sleep at night. Nights were spent with Zul. She tried to sleep during the day, but nightmares kept waking her up. She would dream of the things she had done. She would imagine Brian’s return. She would wake up with a cry as she slid a knife into any one of her friends – not that she had many now. Not that she wanted many now.
She finally was rid of the bandages, but her skin was still raw in some areas. And she still had some marks. Hopefully they would be hidden with that scar removal cream. Alex seemed hopeful. She didn’t know. The moon was out, but it was just a sliver, a few days before the new moon. Lucia was floating low to the ground, her ribbon was wrapped around her shoulders and spread along her arm. Her belt buckle was again in her hand as she “tinked” the prong back and forth. She was nervous about this.
The sliver of moon was reflected off of the subtle waves as the ocean waters rolled towards the shore. Her eyes were staring out at the water, watching the reflection change with the movement of the water. In the hand that didn’t hold her belt buckle, there was a small gift bag. Christmas seemed so long ago, but until she met him in the woods while trying to kill Rivener, she hadn’t seen Zul at all. The gold bag with gold, silver, and lilac ribbons brought a small smile to her lips, thinking about her life before disaster.
Settling on a spot, where she could look out at the waters and see nothing but the water and the moon’s reflection, she “sat” down and placed the gift bag to her side. One hand tinked the buckle’s prong while the other hand’s fingers began sifting through the sand. It was dark and a little wet where she sat. The tide was coming up, slowly.
Her chest was flutters as she tried to think about how to bring it up. She didn’t want to startle her only friend with talk of murder, but she wanted to talk about it. ”Zul,” she said softly, her purple eyes flicking to her companion. ”Can we talk – about what happened?” Her voice was hesitant, but she desperately wanted this.
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Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 8:21 pm
He was by her side, as he had been every night since her sleep schedule had gone belly-up. Zul spent his days with Rivener, tending to him and fretting over him in a way that made Alex laugh; his nights were spent with the Kitten, and he was beginning to think that the dark sky was acting as a shroud to hide the memories of the days gone by. Perhaps he wasn't entirely off, he mused, blue eyes ticked to the side to watch the uncertain Lucia.
The demon was careful to avoid the massive crater his power had left in the sand from the previous year, utilizing a shallower part of the pristine beach for their night visit. He floated still, ribbon lazily stuck against the sand, the likes of which was coated in flame-orange from his rune. The light spread as he 'sat' next to Lucia, his face also caught in a personal illumination; his central horn burned dim tonight, the light enough to hood his eyes and cast shadows beneath his cheeks like some ill-cut mask. His arms settled around a box wrapped in soft white foil that was imprinted with silver snowflakes, a red velvet bow wrapped around each side. It was almost the size of his torso and extremely light in his grip.
Her voice made the demon's eyes flick up to hers, finding them more striking without the make up though he'd not say it out loud. Zul tilted his head to the side before carefully putting the present in the sand in front of him, one hand resting on the angled edge. "If you're ready," he replied softly, his smoke-filled voice quiet and nearly lost against the rolling tide. It was important to him that Lucia was truly prepared to face what happened, as if she spoke of it too soon, she could possibly retreat further into herself, beyond a point he or anyone else could reach her. The demon didn't think himself her savior, or really even the right friend for the job, but they were both here and he was going to do his best to ease any fear she might still be clinging to.
Removing his hand from the gift, he put his arms behind him and leaned back, fingers digging into the sand that held no temperature for him. The full weight of his sky-blue eyes remained on the Kitten, his attention solely for the friend at his side.
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Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 8:48 pm
The Kitten took a deep breath. Now she was unsure she wanted to continue. She hadn’t talked about any of what happened with Zul, or anyone for that matter. It wasn’t easy to admit to being a murderer. Or to confess how similar her drives were to Brian. What scared her the most, even more than the fact that she was a killer, was the idea that she was just like her former possessor. She didn’t know if she could say that out loud.
And Zul was being so straightforward about it. She found it almost unnerving. There it was. Either tell it or don’t. Either she was ready or she wasn’t. Zul deserved to know. So far, she didn’t know what he knew. She didn’t know how he had stepped into her body too. Or how he knew about Brian Sparks. Or what happened to Sparks. But, even if he saw her memories, he deserved to hear it from her.
The frei pushed her onyx hair out of her eyes and found herself easing her body towards the demon. She didn’t touch him. The warmth of his skin had been comforting, but this she had to do on her own. Lucia licked her lips and slowly unwrapped her ribbon from around her torso. She was stalling. But she knew it. And she hoped Zul didn’t mind.
”When you stopped me in the woods,” she paused, her voice fading. I would have killed him just didn’t seem the right way to start it off.
And she found herself at a lack of words. She didn’t know where to start. Every idea seemed worse than the other. I almost killed your friend – Rivener. I thought I killed Delia. Yuurei did almost die. I tried to kill LuLu and Vyn. Prajna – that one she felt less guilty about. I slammed a knife in a woman’s chest. I slit a guy’s throat. Then a sliced up his girlfriend. Supposedly I killed another girl and then burned her body. Did you know Rivener’s wing was broken with my bare hands? The second one was after I slammed a baseball bat through the first. Yes, not into; through.
There didn’t seem to be any way to work it out right. Everything was awkward. Blunt. She was stuck, so she started with normal chit chat.
”I heard from Ty and Yuurei earlier today,” she said with a glance at the sand where the water was licking it. ”I guess she’s doing better. She wanted to know about this place. And how I was coming along. And you.” Her eyes, almost seeming to glow as they reflected the shallow moonlight and the light of his center horn, were locked on his now. ”I told her how good you were being to me.” She paused and smiled a bit forced, ”Thank you by the way.”
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Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 1:22 am
Her posture was noted; namely, the space between them. It wasn't something he was upset about, just something that was rather new in their short time in recovery. Zul wasn't sure if it was a step forward towards her independence and healing or a step back into not trusting, but his mind was wiped clean as the Kitten began to speak. Something flickered over his face, his expression momentarily tight. It wasn't you I stopped, he wanted to say, it was Brian Sparks. To him, the separation of the two entities was as clear as night and day with no middle ground to speak of. It wasn't her. It was her body, but it wasn't her. There was no Lucia in the Frei that night, which was why he had reacted so violently...
Lucia continued then and drew his attention back to the here and now, clear eyes coming into crystal focus upon her. He made a small, noncommittal sound in the back of his throat at the compliment, grateful but not playing to it. Should he have said word of thanks? No...this wasn't about him. Should he pursue that topic of her health? Negative; it wasn't about Yuurei, either. He really was no good at this walking-on-eggshells business. "I'm glad she's well," he finally ventured to say, dipping his tri-horned head to the femme.
His eyes never wavered. "However, I haven't done anything a friend wouldn't do..." The demon tilted his head slightly to the side, hair remaining in a perpetual upward stretch no matter the motion. "Thank you for being my friend. For trusting me." Zul had determined that the Raevans acted in one of two ways to him: they either immediately took to him or seemed to acknowledge him as little as possible. He was grateful for his friends, now that he was realizing what it truly meant to have those in his life that he cared about enough to consciously deviate from his self-important daily routine. He wasn't doing anything, in his mind, that was special or worth kind words. This was friendship on an even road.
Shifting his position slightly, letting his ribbon flick out and trail along the sand and brushing against the present, he rolled his shoulders in a shrug. "I'm glad that part will be okay, then," he exclaimed by means of pressing beyond the idle chit-chat. "But that's not what I'm concerned about." Lucia's woman was hers to fret for, and while Zul wished Yuurei well, he did not know her nor did he think well of her for being gone when Lucia needed support the most. Those thoughts, however, he would keep to himself. "I am concerned for my friend." He blinked once, gaze still without dropping.
It wasn't that the Frei lacked delicacy, but that he had faith in Lucia and her strength. He just hoped he wouldn't be a bully about it.
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Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 8:27 pm
She didn’t move her eyes from him as she blinked slowly. Her face was tentative, cautious, almost fearful. He didn’t say anything when she confessed how grateful she was. The kitten bit her lip, a nervous habit she had. Was he tired of her? He moved on. The frei pursed her lips into a forced expression that didn’t resemble the smile she was trying to get across. He was glad that Yuu was well. But she knew that if she hadn’t attacked her guardian, Yuurei would have been perfectly fine, and would have never had to recover from anything.
”Zul,” she said softly, after he had thanked her and professed concern for her. ”You are the only one—“ she paused in her sentence to look out at the ocean. Her mind was running, but she stopped it and took Zul as he was. ”Zul you know I love you.” The smile on her face was genuine as she looked at her friend, forgetting everything else she wanted to say. ”I’ll always be your friend.” If you’ll let me she thought silently as her momentary happiness slipped away. She slipped her hand into his as she looked at him. Her voice was soft and could be easy to miss.
Lucia sat quietly listening to the waves for the millionth time since living so close to the shore. ”I’m scared.” She paused again. Her other hand came over and traced the lines of their interwoven fingers. ”I’m scared of everything now. I’m scared Brian will come back. I’m scared I’ll be possessed again. I’m scared I’ll do awful things again. I’m sc—“ she trailed off slightly, but the last part was audible. ”I’m just like him. . . .” She paused slightly. ”Th-there was the same feelings. Anticipation. Excitement. Adrenaline. Fear. I go to the spirit world. And with him, I killed.” The equivalency was apparent in her mind. Lucia blinked back tears, but couldn’t stop them from overflowing from her eyes. She would not sob though.
”What if I am? What if I am just like him? What if he does come back? What if I kill again—“ She looked up at him, almost desperate for him to know. ”I killed those humans. I thought I killed Yuurei and Delia. I would have killed Rivener if you hadn’t come.” And suddenly she didn’t know where to go with what she was saying. Her face reddened and she was ashamed. She wasn’t strong enough to stop Brian from making her do those things.
A sob racked her shoulders as she curled in on herself. Saying it was like reliving it. Like stabbing that woman again. Like slitting that boy's throat. Like slashing that girl. Like burning Delia. Like smashing that vase against Yuu's head only to watch the blood spread with a smile, with that laugh. Like sob-laughing while wrapping each hand around the bone of Rivener's wing and bending, pushing, until it broke.
Maybe she was telling Zul just to torture herself. Her hand squeezed his, desperate for a return squeeze or a hug or anything. Her other hand was cupping her face, covering her eyes and mouth as she bit her lower lip and cried quietly.
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Posted: Sun May 02, 2010 9:48 am
Her voice was soft, but he was listening for it. His expression remained passive and patient, without opinion or any clear emotion. Warm fingers curled around the Kitten's, feeling almost soothed himself that it seemed she would still need him a bit longer. The demon had a brief, stunning realization: Lucia needed him, but Rivener did not. The Scorpion was recovering well enough without him despite his daily visits. Part of him felt momentarily disquieted by the revelation, but the other part of him was at ease. The Sigel had claimed him, after all. Of course he wouldn't need him...
The words of love were not lost on him, but they certainly confused him. Not because of what she said - he understood that clearly - but because on its heels was another feeling towards the absent Scorpion. The question was pushed down and away, as his time with Lucia was for her and her alone. He scooted a little closer to the Kitten as she continued, his fingers stationary at the gentle tracing.
And then, Lucia was sobbing, crying what tasted like bitter tears in the cool night air. The demon exhaled slowly, closing the distance between them and pressing the presents aside, draping an arm around the female Frei's shoulders to press her pale cheek to him. He listened to her hiccuping sobs, the way her small body shuddered and hitched with each breath. "Lucia," he said after a long moment, tilting his head so that his face was very lightly touching her grey ear. "Brian Sparks is dead." There was a dark finality in his tone, words of conviction that had no room for argument. He knew. He'd made sure of it. Zul had told the murderer that he would kill him - and the demon never went back on his word.
Taking a breath through his nose, he continued. "You are not him. Some people...they're excited by different things. They feel those emotions - the anticipation, the excitement, all of it - but one man's fun does not make it yours." His arm tightened around her shoulders, fingers holding onto the fabric of her sweater. "Are you going to go out and do it again? Do you want to? No. You don't. You feel regret, you feel pain, you feel sadness for what happened...that's you, Lucia. That's the real you, not a ghost in you. Any friend of yours would know that." He had, quite possible, said more in the past few minutes than he'd said since he'd last talked to Alex. It was wearisome, but necessary.
"Without him, this wouldn't have happened, not in all our days. Don't ever put yourself on the same ground with that..." Zul wasn't eloquent to begin with, but at the memory of feeling Brian, battling with him... A low, thready sound vibrated in his chest; it was a growl, the type a large animal would give that rolled around like thunder. Reminding himself the perpetrator was dead - by his own hand - the sound faded, and Zul became complacent again. Returning to the conversation at hand, he added mildly, "I wont let anything happen to you."
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 12:50 pm
Lucia felt herself being pulled against her friend as she tried to hold her breath to keep her sobs inside. She took long deep inhalations and slowly let the air out of her lungs with only the occasional shoulder shake. Zul’s warm touch heated her skin, but not uncomfortably so. It was like laying out in the sun, and the frei just removed her hand from his and wrapped her arms around his torso, taking in the heat, the words of comfort and the friendship.
Though Zul said that Sparks was dead, the Kitten was unsure. He was dead before too. But did Zul mean his soul was dead too? Lucia didn’t know. She hadn’t seen what had happened between the demon and her possessor. Zul, however, was her protector, for the moment. Her knight. So Lucia didn’t want to argue. She took him for his word. Dead. A weight lifted off her shoulders and she hugged the Baphomet a bit tighter. There would be no more Brian. But the thought still remained in her head of others. Sparks wasn’t the only spirit in the appropriately called spirit world. She had been possessed before. The frei silently resolved not to go there again.
Lucia let out a breath as his arms hugged her as well. ”No” she whispered with conviction when questioned if she would kill again or if she wanted to hurt her friends more. She wasn’t him. He didn’t feel sadness. He wouldn’t feel bad about it. He didn’t. He used her friendships to torture her. He used her relationships with others to make her see his way. It wasn’t fair.
But he made her do those things. Whether or not she would have done it on her own did not make a difference on the fact that she did do those things, even though she was forced to. She was about to speak when a growl emanated from deep in Zul’s chest. She felt the vibrations against her face and body. They were pleasant to her and she closed her eyes briefly. ”I know you won’t,” she said again quietly after the low vibrations ceased.
”But I still—I can’t forgive myself for doing those things. Whether or not I would have done them on my own doesn’t matter. I did them. I hurt my friends, I ki—“ she didn’t want to go on. A part of her wanted to detail everything that happened. The taunting, the put downs, the pressure of his body taking over hers. Her trying to get him out and the hopelessness of it all. But a part of her didn’t want him to know how weak she was. For all of her supposed strength and independence, she fell flat to Brian Sparks.
She didn’t know what to do. A part of her wanted to change the subject. A part of her wanted to—”Can I tell you what happened? I—I want to. But I don’t want you to hate me or think I’m weak or—“ she took a breath.
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Posted: Wed May 12, 2010 1:21 am
"You don't have to forgive yourself if you aren't ready." Zul said the words simply and without any type of bias, his thoughts momentarily distant. He'd recalled his woman saying something similar when it came to Cordelia and Lazarus, though he hadn't understood it at the time. Now, being in the position he was, he felt that he was getting a better grip on her strange but potent words. He was learning, though he wasn't entirely certain he was enjoying the cost of his newfound knowledge. "But you have to if you want them to forgive you, Lucia."
His bright blue eyes turned downwards, a stark contrast to the black hair that his vibrant central horn threw pale light off of. He didn't say anything at first, trying to understand where her thoughts were coming from, or why she'd think that of him. Maybe it was the way her woman had raised her? Zul frowned a little to himself, but after a moment of consideration, he gave a short nod, his chin lightly brushing against her crown. "If you're ready," he repeated his first words, no less at ease than he'd been before. He'd meant it. If she wasn't ready to speak, he wouldn't force her, but if she was...he would listen. He was getting good at that.
"But," he added, lifting a gloved hand to extend a bare index finger, "don't think about me." Zul struggled with the words he wanted to say inwardly before he let them pass his lips. "No matter what I think, you need to let this out." A pause. "No matter what you think, I don't blame you for anything that happened." He had handled the one who held that blame. The demon had personally given Brian Sparks a one-way ticket to a dark circle of hell - or failing that, an eradication of his existence as a whole. Zul couldn't say he was displeased with either outcome.
Content, he gave the Kitten a light squeeze and didn't release the firmness of his hold. It was how he told her that he wasn't going anywhere. "If you're ready." With the words repeated a third time, Zul fell silent, and waited.
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Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 2:04 am
The kitten bit her lip. She needed to forgive herself first. . . . Lucia's eyes cast down. She didn't know if she could do that ever. She didn't really think they should forgive her either. And neither would Zul after he heard what she did.
"I—umm—I can travel to the world of the dead. The spirit world. I can see people and animals that have recently died. I talk to them. Sometimes I help them go on. And then with the virus I somehow managed to go to the spirit world. I don't really remember what happened, but I fell of my balcony and was there.
Obviously I got home." And Rivener made an a** of me or I made an a** of myself – whichever, she silently added. That part wasn't important to the story.
"I figured out how to go back. It was fun—exploring this new world. I've kind of been over a lot of Gaia, you know—helping the spirits. But this was a new place. I met one of the spirits there that I had just helped the first time. Then I explored more.
I went into this one area. It was beautiful. A massive field with a lake and seriously everything a puppy could want. There were tons of puppy spirits. And—I got possessed by one some how.
Marty wasn't nearly as bad as Brian. But I did weird stuff. He made me sniff other dog's butts, play in garbage, hump dogs, chase cars. Eventually I got him to leave. But it was a lot to deal with at the time. Now it seems like nothing."
The kitten squeezed Zul's hand and leaned her head on his shoulder. As much as she was just spewing out the words now, she definitely needed the support. "Once he left me I was so tired. But Yuu made me have a checkup with Dr. Tsu for my attitude. I tried to talk to her about the puppy thing, but she was so –" Lucia cut herself off, picturing the dark red staining her guardian's hair.
"I ran away—to the spirit world. I heard this girl crying. Shanna told me not to go to the caves – that it was a bad place. But she sounded so sad and in pain. Then a hand reached through the darkness and grabbed my neck. And the crying girl was Brian's laughter. I'm so stupid." Lucia bit her lip, trying not to cry again. All because she had been ******** curious. All because she wanted to help.
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Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 3:02 am
Dark brows slowly lifted as the Kitten began her tale, though his expression didn't move otherwise. He kept any words he might have imparted to himself, listening, waiting for Lucia to say all she needed to. That was more important than any opinion or words of comfort he could offer - the Kitten needed to share her woe, and his long ears were suited for listening. One of his wings rested around her back and shoulder, offering another layer of protection and gentleness as he could. He wasn't really good at the comforting thing, but he was trying.
The words about the dog suddenly clicked with memories in his mind; he remembered seeing Lucia sniffing a dog's backside, thundering through picnics and knocking people aside to play self-Frisbee. Though he'd been certain there could have never been any reason for such madness, it seemed there was a rather acceptable explanation after all.
Shanna, and a cave - it took the demon a moment to filter the words and make sense of it, but once he did, he felt a sharp spike of black loathing all over again, his jaw setting against his teeth. Brian was dead, but damn if Zul wouldn't kill him again - and again - and again to impart even a fraction of his rage that Lucia had been used in such a fashion. It was completely invasive! How he knew that, he couldn't say, but he wouldn't dwell on it just then either. "You're not stupid," the demon immediately quipped, giving the Kitten a chiding squeeze. "There's nothing stupid about kindness. What's stupid is the ones who take advantage of it." That person, of course, went without saying.
He considered for a moment, not sure where to go from here. Should he address her story? Lend his opinion? Reassure her somehow? Alex never accepted help and kept to herself; Rivener was too proud to be this open to him. He had no experience with being let into someone's heart without restriction. "What you did wasn't wrong," he finally said, quiet against the rolling waves of the night. "You have something special. The only bad thing would have been not knowing how to use that something special." What if she hadn't gone into that place? What if the Bad Ones had found her first? No, the demon still found no fault with Lucia's decisions, though he was mostly certain she didn't want to hear that just yet. Zul fell silent again, having an inkling that the story wasn't over.
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Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 1:46 pm
Lucia listened silent to the few reassuring sentences Zul had at the pause in her story. Instead of responding, she cuddled closer to him. She had never relied on anyone before. And now here she was, desperate for Zul's acceptance. But she knew it was okay to rely on him. He would take it and help her. He wouldn’t push her away. Selfishly keeping him from other things, she didn't care for the moment. She needed him there for her. She needed him to make it all better.
"So he possessed me and we went back to this world. He – he could read my mind and my memories. He knew everything about me. But I couldn't access him at all. I tried. He wasn't like Marty. He didn't listen to me at all. Or when he did he yelled at me. Or taunted me. I was going crazy because a voice in my head was screaming at me." Lucia broke off for a second but steeled herself to continue.
"He told me that I had killed a girl that first night while I slept . . . Some girl working in a coffee shop. I didn't know this when I attacked Prajna though! He set up a meeting for ME to apologize to IT from the fight we had while infected." She paused and calmed herself. Prajna both infuriated her and made her regretful. It was weird feeling both emotions at once. "I wanted to hurt Prajna," she said calmly. "But what I did with Brian making me was beyond what I would do. I was so mad that I could understand doing it at the time. He bought a pair of chrome knuckles. And I punched him so hard." She paused again, disgusted with herself. "I was happy to attack him. I think Brian even planned that. He used it so many times after. Telling me I liked the attack. That I was just like him. That I had wanted to kill Prajna. But I didn't. I mean—I wouldn't care if he died or not. But I wouldn't kill him." I'm not a killer, Zul. Please know.
"Then when we got home from that mess, Yuu was so mad. She was going to call the lab. Of course Brian knew all about it from my memories. So he killed her – or that's what we thought.
The next night," months ago, it all still so vivid in her mind, "we went out to a bar. He picked up two humans – a couple. I think they expected sex or something. But when we got back to their place, the girl went into the bathroom. I slit the guy's throat. And inside I screamed. I—can't believe I did it. Then I went into the bathroom and smoked, umm, crack with the girl. It—made me feel invincible. Like I could do anything. And I didn't care at all as I led that girl to her bed, pinned her down and—" Lucia paused; her body was shaking she realized. The memory was so strong, so repulsive, she was physically affected by it. "I killed her." Her voice was a whisper.
"I tried to kill LuLu too. But Josh scared Brian off before I could do more than hit her with the baton he bought. It was the worst when he tried to kill someone and it didn't work. Then he got angry. I strangled a guy with a chain. And I was going to use a kitchen knife on him but a door opened. So I ran. He was so mad. But then I ran into Delia…" she fell silent for a moment.
"I tried to hurt her. There was a burning library. But I tried to burn Delia. I love Delia! I don't want to hurt her. But he thought we did kill her when I pushed her face into the fire and she disappeared.
He still hadn't gotten to use his knife, so I went back to town and slammed it into – so hard – she just slumped to the ground." Her sentences were choppy now. She was still shaking. Lucia paused to breath deeply for a little. But now that she had started telling the story she didn't want to stop until it was over.
"Then he wanted to go after the other people I loved. So I tried to kill Vyn—she got away fine, but I need to see her some time to apologize. And he sent me after Rivener. He knew how much I loved him. I – umm – really cared for Rivener or so I thought. I don't know now. I mean I like him, but Brian kind of showed me that it was silly. He didn't feel like I felt. And we kissed and stuff and it was fun, but there wasn't more to it than that. I mean he didn't know much about me and I didn't know much about him. But I wanted to know more. I—I don't know. But that's what lead up to me stalking Riv."
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Posted: Sat May 29, 2010 12:31 am
While the demon would be hard pressed to 'make it all better,' it wasn't going to stop him from trying. If he could trade his time and effort for her to feel better, he would; perhaps it was odd for him to go so far for a friend he'd just made, but a friend was a friend indeed. Zul did not call someone a 'friend' lightly, and once he did so, there was precious little he wouldn't do for them. The Kitten leaning against him was no exception.
He listened. He did not know Prajna, though he found a quiet bit of amusement at the personal confession that twined with the story, wondering what this 'Prajna' could have done to earn Lucia's ire. On some level, the Frei understood where the elder femme was coming from with the jumbled emotions and how easily it could have been to confuse their finer details: he had little interest if a few humans - and perhaps a Raevan - died. On the other hand, he couldn't say he wouldn't kill them himself...he'd already tried to kill his woman. And Lazarus. He'd inadvertently killed the old Ekundayo and had ended Lucretia's suffering. The difference was that Zul had no regrets for what he'd done, under an unearthly influence or otherwise.
The most of what he garnered from the Kitten's tale was that Brian was someone he unfailingly put on the list of those he would kill again if he had a chance. Arrogant, immature, prone to tantrums and being a bully; Zul understood it all but he did not yet have the words to reiterate what he felt. Instead, he simply squeezed Lucia and raised his warmth against the chill night air, his own backwards manner of being a blanket against the world and protecting her from it just the same.
He felt a jump in his jaw at the mention of trying to hurt LuLu and Cordelia. The concern was just as immediately smoothed out when Lucia said Josh had proved his worth and the Basilisk had disappeared; he knew that trick and felt assured that his Stormy was okay. Hadn't Zeke mentioned she'd come by the Lab with Ebony? And Vyn! The demure Rose that was beginning to show her thorns, the obstinate flower that bloomed against the grain? Thank good--
Rivener.
Zul's eyes lost focus, resting sightlessly on the peel and crash of waves. He knew this part would come, after all. It's what had set them down this path of ending the madness, of killing Brian Sparks and making sure his friend was okay. Making sure his Scorpion...was going to survive. He'd visited the Sigel everyday, just to make sure Rivener was going to make it, and all signs pointed positively to those means.
But then, something else was said. Something about...loving Rivener, and kissing and it was fun. The roar of the ocean suddenly seemed distant to the demon, his eyes coming into sharp relief, glowing by the eerie cast of white light from his central horn. Of course, Lucia couldn't see his face, but it was probably for the better. The way his dark brows were lifted in a skewed manner over his confused eyes, disbelief and the first pinch of doubt worn in his expression, it might have put her off from opening to him. He knew they kissed - he'd seen it with his own eyes - but he wasn't the same now as he was then. And love! She said she was in love with him! The Scorpion had said that love couldn't be felt until they had grown, but Lucia had felt it - even Brian Sparks knew it was love.
Was Rivener wrong all this time? If Zul had a stomach, it surely would have fallen. Rivener was wrong. Even a madman had known love when he'd felt it in Lucia. Did that mean Zul was in love with Rivener? Did Rivener himself even know what love was? What if...what if he wasn't in love with Zul? Or worse - what if Zul didn't love him? Was it the same was the understanding love Lucia claimed for Zul? And why the heck was it suddenly so important?
Realizing that the silence had stretched, he gave the Kitten another quiet squeeze and summoned a reply that didn't sound nearly as confused as he felt. "You'll need to apologize to all of them." The demon breathed in the salty air, doing his best to focus on the black-haired feline in his arms. This wasn't about him. It wasn't even about Rivener. He kept telling himself that, though he already felt the fine thread of doubt weaving in his mind. "But you have to know they may not get it. If they have human values...humans are strange things." Like love. "As friends, they should know better, but if they don't..."
Zul quirked his lips, not even sure what he was saying. Shaking his head to clear it, he tried again. "Just as you don't take what happened lightly, they may not either. Lucia, you have to be prepared for that." The demon wasn't trying to be mean - just as always, he was being as forward and to the point as he knew how. "But most of all, you can't give up on them. I'm not giving up on you." Even if it meant finding out just what Lucia truly meant to Rivener...
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Posted: Sun May 30, 2010 2:16 pm
Lucia nodded silently, listening to his advice. Zul, she realized, was invaluable to her. She wove her fingers of one hand between the fingers of his and sighed softly. She didn’t know if she wanted to continue telling him about what happened with Rivener, since he seemed to change the subject slightly, but she had wanted to finish explaining.
”The worst was Rivener…you saw what the effect was. But..I broke his wings. With a bat and…with my hands. I just pushed until they snapped. I—don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me. Everyone else…I don’t know either. You know what happened. But so do I—I don’t think I’d forgive me if I was them.” Lucia let out a breath and found that she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. It was too hard. Lucia hugged her friend tightly with the one free arm and fell silent for a while.
Letting out a sigh she released her friend’s body and sat up, still holding his hand. ”I’ll have to deal with it later; for now there’s nothing else I can do but wait. Like you said, I need to forgive myself. But I can’t face them yet. I don’t want to—“ know they all hate me like I hate me. Lucia didn’t know what she wanted. She wanted Zul to not hate her. But she hated herself. She wanted everyone to forgive her. But she couldn’t be close to anyone who couldn’t protect themselves from her. The only reason she trusted herself around Zul was that he could defend himself.
“Let’s talk about something else. Christmas.” Desperate for a change of topic Lucia grabbed the gold bag that was Zul’s four-month late Christmas gift and placed it in his "lap." ”Merry Christmas.” She sighed softly.
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Posted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 8:47 pm
Her fingers were probably cooler than his, but his limited ability to feel temperature in others was masked by his distant thoughts and lack of concentration. His bare digits curled with hers, offering her what he could in a silent response once again. This time, his silence was a somewhat more selfish in that he wanted to know more of what had happened - specifically between Lucia and Rivener. Maybe it was mean, maybe it was unfair to the rest of his friends that had been hurt, but this one was personal. He adored Cordelia with all of his being; his time with Vyn was a muted attraction, distant and admiring from afar; Rivener and Lucia, however, had been staples in his life as of recent. The Scorpion and the Kitten. Was there room for him--?
Blue eyes dropped to the female as he was hugged, lightly lifting his arm to drape around her sweater-clad shoulders. She needed the comforting, not him, or so he had to tell himself. "Would you forgive me?" he asked after a moment, the question feeling heavier than he meant it to. "If our positions were reversed, and you knew what I do. Would you forgive me?" Zul felt that if she could say yes, that the rest would work out in due time. If the answer was no, then, she would have to seek forgiveness in herself - the others may not think she was sincere, if she couldn't forgive herself. Then again, his question held more to him than he let on, the unspoken implication making his chest feel sore inside.
The subject was changed abruptly; the demon didn't blame her in the least. She'd said what she'd needed to, and it was no longer his position to push or ask. When the gold bag was deposited on his lap, he felt another strange sort of pang in his half-formed chest. Christmas. This year, it had been a very joyous holiday for him. Where had all that joy gone, a mere four months later? Everything Zul had been excited for seemed to be gone, or it simply wasn't as shiny and new as it was.
Mustering a smile, he extended both his hands to his own package, lifting it and putting the silver-wrapped box next to her ribbon. "Merry Christmas, Lucia," he replied amicably, lifting his hand from the present to instead touch her cheek and hair. "I hope you'll be happy." From the aquarium to this; Zul had no idea he'd have come as far as he had with the Kitten. How far still did they have to go?
Letting his hand fall from her pale skin to tap the box, he turned his eyes to his own gift. Fingers deftly began to push beyond the colored walls of the bag, curiosity getting the best of him even if his mind wasn't entirely focused yet on the object against his ribbon. Lucia had gifted him much more to consider than a material object of a holiday past.
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Posted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 2:40 pm
Lucia’s breath caught in her throat. He had forgiven her immediately. But would she, knowing everything, be able to forgive him. It was a hard question. She thought for a minute. She had just saved her friend Rivener from her friend Zul. She could tell Zul wasn’t acting like he should. And it turned out that he was being controlled by someone else. That he didn’t want to attack anyone. That it hurt him as much, if not more, than it had hurt anyone, for the most part at least. He had been forced to kill, to maim, to attack people he loved. She tried to be objective. She tried not to let her current distaste for herself cloud her reaction.
”I’d feel bad for you.” she trailed off. ”You weren’t attacked. And you understand that I didn’t want to do it. I’d forgive you. But if I had hurt you.”
Again she stopped talking. She knew what she wanted to say, but not how to say it. Usually so good with words, her words failed her. She knew how the people she hurt would react. It was the same way she was reacting. Even though she consciously knew it wasn’t her fault, she looked for any way to blame herself.
if she hadn’t gone to the spirit world if she hadn’t tried to help the person in the cave if she had been stronger if she had been tougher if she had been more convincing why hadn’t she been able to fight him off why did she always feel the need to help now it was her who needed the help why was she in the wrong place at the wrong time why did she even go back after getting possessed by marty why didn’t she just leave the house when yuu pissed her off why hadn’t she been strong enough why hadn’t she been able to push him out why hadn’t she been strong enough strong enough strong enough if she couldn’t be stronger she shouldn’t go to that world. ever. again. who knows what would happen next time why had she even gone at all who wanted to spend time with the dead who wanted to spend time with her now . . . . . .
”In your position I’d forgive you. In their’s, I don’t know.”
And then she changed the subject.
She stared silently at the box in front of her. She wanted to watch Zul open his gift first. But what he had said to her had really meant something. "I hope you'll be happy." The frei blinked a few times, and turned to watch Zul open his gift. She really felt good knowing that. It wasn’t that she had never heard that saying before. But from Zul it was different. She didn’t know what he was talking about firstly. Did he want her to be happy with the gift? Or in general?
She chose to believe that he would hope for both. And a small smile hid on her lips.
She watched Zul push aside the silver and purple and gold curling ribbons and dig through the teal tissue paper. She waited for him to dig out his gift. She waited for his response. Would he love it?
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