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 Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 6:35 pm
please no mean comments...thanks.
You were my last hope
to escape
my last chance
and now its gone
I needed someone like you more then anyone else
and they all got plently
what happened to me?
trapped in my own past, everyone hates me
the same thing, repeats itself
it keeps comming back to
how many more times must I try?
how many more tears should I cry?
before some decides to save me
I know Ill find someone..eventually
but im afraid its gonna be too late
and I dont want it to be
I wanna enjoy life like others can
and break free of this evil clan
my life is nothing but darkness spreading over me
everytime some try to talk, they get sucked in like me
they always leave me
because they find something wrong
im not enough like them, or any of there songs
I will never fit in with any of them
and so i continue to sit, among them
nobody cares, nobody asks
nobody wipes away the tears that feel like blades and dead rats
because they are too stubborn, to see the real me
they only see what society wants them to see
they see the person, who I constantly have to be
when Im around people, its not a choice, you see
because Im a diffrent person, and its killing me
thats why I MUST be alone, I MUST be me
I must face the true, nobody is ever gonna resue me
its been too long, they would have come by now
but they didnt, and this is when I see how
how miserable i really am, and how everyone REALLY DOES HATE ME, FOR WHO I REALLY AM.
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Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 8:52 pm
Around here, we try to restrain whatever critique we have to prevent "mean comments," so there's no need to worry about that, Miss Hugs.
The poetic theme of "no one know the real me" has kind of received a bad rep lately, since it's overplayed and, well, angsty. That said, you shouldn't change the theme of your poem, but there are several ways you can improve it.
For example, throughout your poem, your true (or even untrue) nature is never really described clearly. What's holding you back? What separates you from others?
Also, descriptive language can bring color and depth to a poem. In a line:
"nobody wipes away the tears that feel like blades and dead rats"
That's perfect! I had a very interesting visual image there! And I've never really compared blades and rats to tears before, and it kind of disturbs me now, lol. So make MORE OF THIS. I also enjoyed the repetition of "How many more..." near the beginning.
Lastly, there's a few grammatical errors (lowercase i, wrong use of "their"...).
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 3:15 am
um im just wondering is this guild dead? because i dont see any recent posts
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 3:22 pm
nightmerz um im just wondering is this guild dead? because i dont see any recent posts More or less yeah.
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