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 Posted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 12:28 am
I need help with a few issues.
I very rarely can reach orgasm with a partner. Whether they're stimulating me, I'm stimulating myself, or one of us is stimulating me with him inside me, all I can think about is how long it takes for me to orgasm and how boring or frustrating it must be getting for him. I already take long, and I think the added distraction/self consciousness makes it impossible.
I hate touching myself during because I need vigorous stimulation and that does not look attractive at all.
I like when he touches me, but I hold back from directing him because if I do, I will constantly be making little comments such as "a little higher, to the left, a little softer, a little lower" etc. I have expained to him before that this doesn't mean he is doing it wrong, just that he can't feel my c**t like I can. However, I get the impression that he still feels like he can't do it correctly.
I haven't touched myself in about 5 days in the hopes that by tomorrow or the next day (when I know we will be having sex) I will be more sensitive and be able to orgasm quicker/more easily. I also want to ask him to touch himself a couple hours before I come over so that he can last longer (on of the reasons I don't orgasm is because he finishes before I can get close, even if we take periodic breaks for him). But I don't want to seem obsessed over this. I dunno. Not really sure what I am even asking. Any advice you feel would be helpful probably will be. sweatdrop
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Posted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 7:59 am
You sound almost exactly like me actually. ninja So FWIW, you're not the only one out there with these issues.
I don't think touching myself looks very attractive either, but my boyfriend tells me otherwise. xd So I guess it's a personal preference thing?
I *know* it bothers my boyfriend that he can't get me off every time we have sex, whereas I can almost always get him off. I've told him it's not his fault, that I'm just wired differently or something, but I know he still hates it. I can orgasm, we discovered, but it usually takes at least 10 minutes (unless I'm really sensitive), and even then it has to be done in such a way that I don't get over-sensitive, otherwise I have to stop and try again another time.
I'm not sure what to suggest, because my boyfriend and I are working through this together too. xd Right now, if we're going to have sex and he wants to try to get me off, we have to be alone or have some sort of privacy, because otherwise I get too nervous/distracted and it won't happen.
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Posted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 9:17 am
!namorata I very rarely can reach orgasm with a partner. Whether they're stimulating me, I'm stimulating myself, or one of us is stimulating me with him inside me, all I can think about is how long it takes for me to orgasm and how boring or frustrating it must be getting for him. I already take long, and I think the added distraction/self consciousness makes it impossible. Yeah, thinking and worrying about it can definitely make it take longer or prevent it from happening at all. !namorata I hate touching myself during because I need vigorous stimulation and that does not look attractive at all. You might want to ask him whether he likes it or not. Because as Niko mentioned, some guys really like that. wink !namorata I like when he touches me, but I hold back from directing him because if I do, I will constantly be making little comments such as "a little higher, to the left, a little softer, a little lower" etc. Ok, if you were to say, "a little higher," and he went a little higher, would it feel a lot better for you for a while? Or would you want to say "to the left" right away? Because if it feels a lot better and you wouldn't you be tempted to say "to the left" for a minute, you could try throwing a moan or a "yes!" in there. In other words, he might not mind a lot of directions as long as you sort of throw a few rewards in there too. And if you direct him enough, he should learn what you like, which means you might be able to direct him less and less as time goes on. !namorata I haven't touched myself in about 5 days in the hopes that by tomorrow or the next day (when I know we will be having sex) I will be more sensitive and be able to orgasm quicker/more easily. I also want to ask him to touch himself a couple hours before I come over so that he can last longer (on of the reasons I don't orgasm is because he finishes before I can get close, even if we take periodic breaks for him). But I don't want to seem obsessed over this. Sounds like a plan. 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 3:56 pm
LorienLlewellyn Ok, if you were to say, "a little higher," and he went a little higher, would it feel a lot better for you for a while? Or would you want to say "to the left" right away? Because if it feels a lot better and you wouldn't you be tempted to say "to the left" for a minute, you could try throwing a moan or a "yes!" in there. In other words, he might not mind a lot of directions as long as you sort of throw a few rewards in there too. And if you direct him enough, he should learn what you like, which means you might be able to direct him less and less as time goes on. I can't recall how I react, but I will definitely try to be more praising next time (hopefully this won't just be another distraction for me). I know I give him a lot of encouragement and moaning when he does something I like during oral. Thanks you guys. I guess I'll just have to talk to him and find out if these things bother him as much as I think they do. And encourage him to spend more time on foreplay, because he tends to want to jump into sex after just a few minutes. I want us to have some reallllly long foreplay, like at least half an hour. I don't want him to think I don't want sex if I keep prolonging the foreplay, though, and I don't want him to be bored if all he wants is to have sex. Then again, I guess it would be kind of selfish of him to never do things my way. Or is it selfish of me to think that way? haha
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Posted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 7:38 pm
!namorata LorienLlewellyn Ok, if you were to say, "a little higher," and he went a little higher, would it feel a lot better for you for a while? Or would you want to say "to the left" right away? Because if it feels a lot better and you wouldn't you be tempted to say "to the left" for a minute, you could try throwing a moan or a "yes!" in there. In other words, he might not mind a lot of directions as long as you sort of throw a few rewards in there too. And if you direct him enough, he should learn what you like, which means you might be able to direct him less and less as time goes on. I can't recall how I react, but I will definitely try to be more praising next time (hopefully this won't just be another distraction for me). I know I give him a lot of encouragement and moaning when he does something I like during oral. Thanks you guys. I guess I'll just have to talk to him and find out if these things bother him as much as I think they do. And encourage him to spend more time on foreplay, because he tends to want to jump into sex after just a few minutes. I want us to have some reallllly long foreplay, like at least half an hour. I don't want him to think I don't want sex if I keep prolonging the foreplay, though, and I don't want him to be bored if all he wants is to have sex. Then again, I guess it would be kind of selfish of him to never do things my way. Or is it selfish of me to think that way? haha I don't think that's selfish at all. If it gets you more in the mood and more prepared for sex, I think you should tell him so. It gives him a chance to have some fun, and you get to enjoy it. wink If he doesn't like the idea, tell him you'll return the favor when he's done. Or, agree to compromise. Maybe some sessions you two'll do more foreplay for your benefit, and other times you two'll have more "quickie" sex for his benefit.
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Posted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 3:17 pm
Good idea, thanks!
So I called him on my way over and told him that I wanted him to touch himself until he came. He asked why, and I told him that I thought it was hot. He replied that it's not nearly as hot as when I touch myself. PERFECT opportunity to bring up that I am self-conscious about touching myself because of how vigorous I have to be. He told me that he likes it and thinks it's attractive. (:
He did touch himself like I asked, and I noticed that he lasted a lot longer than usual when we had sex that night. I also encouraged him to keep the foreplay going longer by not allowing him to undress me right away like he wanted to, and the foreplay ended up lasting a long time. I didn't end up having an orgasm, but neither did he, which is a first. I was afraid he would be disappointed, but he was just fine with it.
I magically got everything I wanted, haha. Last night was some of the best sex ever. n_n
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Posted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 4:31 pm
!namorata Good idea, thanks! So I called him on my way over and told him that I wanted him to touch himself until he came. He asked why, and I told him that I thought it was hot. He replied that it's not nearly as hot as when I touch myself. PERFECT opportunity to bring up that I am self-conscious about touching myself because of how vigorous I have to be. He told me that he likes it and thinks it's attractive. (: He did touch himself like I asked, and I noticed that he lasted a lot longer than usual when we had sex that night. I also encouraged him to keep the foreplay going longer by not allowing him to undress me right away like he wanted to, and the foreplay ended up lasting a long time. I didn't end up having an orgasm, but neither did he, which is a first. I was afraid he would be disappointed, but he was just fine with it. I magically got everything I wanted, haha. Last night was some of the best sex ever. n_n Yaaaaay, congrats! biggrin Your boyfriend's like mine, lol. He thinks me touching myself is really hot, and I think it's hot when he touches himself. n_n
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