Welcome to Gaia! ::

Is it possible to love someone without being IN love with them? I'm totally in love with my boyfriend, but I also have a friend who I love very much. Is this really possible? I'm not quite sure what I'm asking, I'm just a little confused. My friend and I agree that we would need to be in a relationship to figure out if we're really IN love with each other, but I'm not willing to leave my boyfriend for something that could be fruitless and end up in nothing. *sigh* Guys are so difficult sometimes...

Edit: Update Pg. 2

Yeah it definitely is. I have a male friend that I love very much. I'm an only child so I can't really know how it feels to have a brother but I imagine it would be something like our friendship. As long as you are happy and secure in the relationship with your boyfriend and aren't really tempted to cheat or anything then I don't see anything wrong with that.

In that case it's probably a bit more serious. I think you probably need to re-evaluate the relationship you are currently in. If you are really that tempted to cheat then do you really love him as much as you thought you did? This isn't really about 'will the new relationship work' because no one can predict the future. This is more about your current relationship and if it is really what you want. From the sounds of things it's not.

What happened with me is that I was dating a guy when I met my current boyfriend, Andy. As Andy and I became better friends I quickly realized that he was more of what I was looking for in a relationship compared to the other guy I was with. So, I called off that relationship, but I was silly and waited a year to tell anything to Andy because I wanted to be sure. sweatdrop Luckily, it turned out that he felt the same way, and I guess everyone ELSE knew that we had feelings for each other before we realized that the other person felt the same. Everyone was like, "it's about damn time."

Luckily for me, we have been together over 2 years now. It's really a toss up in the air as to whether or not things will work out with you and this guy. Of course it's possible to love someone without having romantic feelings for them. For example, I have guy friends that I love, platonically-speaking, but I don't ROMANTICALLY love them in the sense that I'm attracted to them. I realized that was the case with the guy I was with before I went for Andy, plus he didn't have everything I wanted in a relationship, either.

My opinion is that if you're not sure about your current relationship, then maybe it's time to move on if you're not really attracted to this guy or if he's really satisfying your needs. If you're more attracted to your friend, then I'd say go for it.

In that case, yes, they're normal. Pretty much, any time you put two people together they'll grow feeings for one another and eventually want to hump eachother. That's just the way we Humans are wired.

Being "in love" is a very different thing to "loving" someone/thing.

For example, we aren't in love with chocolate! xp

Yeah, you can love friends... I love most of my friends!! Oh, and you don't necessarily have to be in love with your boyfriend. Being in love is a much bigger, step.

It is possible to love many different people at once. There are many different types of loves and they have different levels and seriousness. You can be in love with your bf in the since of a romantic relationship AND be in love with your friend in the since of being close friends.

Would you really leave your current bf just to be with your friend to find out if it is more then simple friendship love and loyalty? If I were you, I wouldn't, but that's me. Love and lust are VERY commonly comfused and are extremely simular feeling. The difference is that lust wears off faster than love. Sometimes it is also the "thrill of the chase" or wanting to expirence someone difference that makes it seem like love at first.

Maybe you should back off, remian friends and stay with your current bf. Have you talked to either about your feelings? Maybe you should atleast make a list or a journal of why you think you "love" your friend, or atleast that ways you love him. You may realize you do love him, but as a close friend or like a brother and not romantically.

I don't think it's really so much that you love someone without loving them, I think it's more that you're loving two people at once or you're having some doubts about your current relationships. I think it's ok to develop feelings for someone else while you're in a relationship because that's human nature. Nobody can really control who they love or love would be really easy and it just wouldn't be as fun as it is. whee I think you can only deny that you love someone.

I think you're doing fine though. While, you might be getting feelings for that person you're thinking rationally about it. Why give up what you already have for something can might be meaningless? You already have something going with your current boyfriend and you know that's working, right? However, sometimes it's good to be spontaneous and it's exhilarating for people to do something out of the ordinary.

Who knows, maybe it would be better to go with that guy? However, at this point and from what you told us I don't think it'd be the best move.

It's really up to you though.