|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 6:10 pm
I don't usually do this.. but.. I sorta need to know if the beginning is too confusing/the story is actually worth continuing.
The corporates finance sectors who had long since run the governments of the world, had had at least enough foresight to leave governments in place to act as symbols that separated individual countries. Powerless as they were, the governments still gave their citizens hope for a better future. If they worked hard and were loyal to their employers, the governments would make sure they had what they needed to be content.
Meanwhile, the corporations ruthlessly thought to extend their control further, making the governments even more of a joke than they were already. Those that stood against the corporations met their doom in ways that the governments of old would not have been capable of without breaking their own laws. 'chaos' himself had found out first hand the consequences of screwing up a hack/run against the corporations when HPC had elminiated him from the game.
With his demise, the game changed subtly. As rumours of chaos' death circulated, more copycats showed up claiming to be him. Those copycats often met with an early death, leading to rumours of the 'chaos' tag was cursed.
The old school did not believe in a cursed tag, though did nothing to stop the rumours. In their eyes, every copycat, every hacker, that lost his life was a n00b, someone not worth having in their ranks. Having them pay with their lives was deemed an appropriate punishment for failing the game.
Another tag that went missing about the same time as chaos' supposed death was i0's. The child hacker was well known for being in competition with chaos. Both had played the game hard, pushing each other to higher places and in the process pushing the game forwards, breaking through corporation security as though it was thin ice. Both had worked in distinct patterns, one leaving a trail of destruction and a signature virus which no corpsec wanted to deal with, the other hardly left any trace of self involvement.
All of this did not matter to the man who had just materialised underneath the glare of neon signs. To him, all that mattered was that when he opened his eyes, the sky was no longer blood red and the cries of despair were no longer present. Instead of the tangible corruption that had been around him only moments earlier, he now looked up at the illuminated sky and the view of it caused him to smile.
“i did it” He announced, more to himself than anyone else, marvling as he heared his physical voice for the first time since he had died. “i ******** did it”
He stayed in the same euphoric state for a few minutes longer before slowly getting up, noting that his body was not used to movement of any sort at the same time as taking pleasure in everything he felt. It had been too long that he had been without a body, nothing more than a soul that had been left to be corrupted.
The memory of dying infront of a park bench assaulted him as he got up and brought a frown to his pale face. He was aware of the circumstances without his mind reminding him of that day, of how he'd assured his sister that things would be ok despite knowing they would not.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 8:29 am
I won't lie, it is pretty confusing. I was able to understand about half of it, but other than that, it is hard to grasp.
Mainly the transition between the governments and corporate to the hackers. Kind of a sudden switch-up that got me tangled up.
But other than that, it's not too bad. I'd say just go over it again and it'll probably be better. biggrin
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DesertRoseFallen Vice Captain
|
Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 12:03 pm
I have to agree with Scipio, it was confusing on my part as well. I think it's because there is too much information given to me. Information needs to be given in a more creative way or slowly released.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 5:47 pm
It's good to have friends who are honest enough to confirm my suspicions smile Starting the re-writing process now.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|