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 Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 7:50 am
Quin sat quietly, his eyes closed, his mouth a little open, ears wide to the world. He wasn't listening for any particular thing - but to everything and nothing; trying to discern patterns or see things where they were not. It was a frustrating effort as every time he had done it, hitherto, nothing had happened. Moreso frustrating because it did happen when he wasn't trying. His dreams, sometimes when he was concentrating on others things. During a hunt once, even, where his bad-footed stumble had nearly lost the pack that day's prey.
Dreams of a bird soaring past the sun - dark wings against pure, brilliant white. In a way, it was like his own markings and sometimes, even, the bird had a similar marking around his eye.
When awake, a blur, a fleeting shadow, as if something were rushing into the air nearby. Sati had said she saw a crow in him - he wasnt' sure what she meant, though he knew all of the ones born to the pack had personal spiritual avatars. He envied their strength and lack of confusion in their beliefs, but when he had asked Kalain further, the enigmatic shaman had told him that he must find that part of himself by himself.
Easier said than done.
A little after, his heart leapt as he thought he heard a noise nearby, but then a familiar scent wound its way to his nostrils.
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Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 8:13 am
He was sure, considering the direction of the wind that day-- calm one moment, harsh the next-- that his scent had been carried into the shine area long before he got close. Even had prey dared to enter an area well known to be a place frequented by the Aves pack, they would be long gone. Few of his packmates attended here with any regularity, except maybe his father. Not that he had spent much time with Kalain recently. His adolescence was devoted fully to his hunting training as his puphood had been to solitary reflection and shaman studies. Or it had been, until now, until he had fallen into remembrance and brought back the old longing, the old view of the world where everything looked... different. There was no way he could explain it, and it hadn't happened to him in a long time. A very long time.
He brushed through the entrance, fur barely rubbing against a bush, and stopped as he spotted Quin already occupying the space. The black-and-white male seemed to be consulting with something-- or with himself-- and Var hesitated, not wanting to interrupt. Then he entered anyway. The shrine was for all members, and Var needed it now as much or more than the other male. He inclined his head respectfully rather than breaking the silence with words, well aware of Quin's bond-friendship-apprenticeship relation to Kalain. Perhaps the male would succeed where Kevarian had lacked the capacity. It brought a smile to Var's face. He hoped so. That little glimpse of maturity in himself frightened him a bit; he hadn't found that spirit guide yet. He wouldn't be ready for the adult ceremony, not for months yet. He didn't want to grow up before he'd found it.
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Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 12:12 pm
Quin's returning smile was warm, if a little guarded. He knew the young male, of course, had seen him within the packlands and even hunted alongside when the pack ran together but their age difference had meant that there was no real connection there, yet. Quin was not used to pups, and it seemed that as Kevarian had gotten older he had become more distant to his father. It seemed Kalain had attracted his daughter's attentions more than his sons as it was the girls who were more often seen at the shaman's den. Quin knew the girls a little better - was watching them mature into fully grown wolves - but not so with Orion and Kevarian.
Despite this, when Var came within the shrine boundaries, as the shafts of winter blue-green light hit the pale fur Quin had an odd sensation of...discomfort or was it conflict? It passed as soon as he became aware of it and became his own discomfort as he realised the typical overtones of something important just out of his grasp. As he had been advised, he thought on the emotions grasped and wondered if, perhaps, the young male's outward exterior hid something of a deeper well of feeling. He'd never seemed all that bright but first impressions could be harsh, as Quin well knew.
Realising that he'd become cold in his inactivity, he shifted, trying to fluff his scant fur up a little. He envied the northern wolves their thicker coats - it seemed he had been 'blessed' with a thin coat and a leaner frame. It would have been great, were it summer in a warm land, but even the thickening it took on during winter was barely what the Aves wolves had during the summer months.
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Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 1:20 pm
Kevarian moved past Quin and picked a spot to settle himself down, his eyes briefly glancing at the small patch of brush that he'd crashed through months and months ago. The shadow had appeared briefly several more times... and that was it. Var hadn't seen it again since the last visit, and that one had been more worrisome to his pup-self than fulfilling. The days of him believing it was his guide were behind him.
A breeze tore the sigh from him, and he closed his eyes. Which of their gods would be best to ask for guidance? He wasn't even sure what the trouble was, and no mortal wolf would be a help to him.
He opened his eyes and looked at Quin again. The silence sat between them, though he wasn't sure if it was exactly comfortable or not, and Kevarian didn't have much reason to break it. The last wolves he wanted to speak to about his... problems were his pack. He looked down and smiled to himself. He was friendly enough, except when it came to these particular topics. Sure, a shaman might be able to glean what he could do to find his guide, or explain how he could confront the shadows that were part of his puphood and not his adolescence, but why would Var want to when he'd worked so hard to become a productive wolf instead of a pining one?
"Looking for guidance?" He asked quietly. The shrine almost demanded a hushed voice. It was instinctive.
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Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 2:20 pm
Quin was almost surprised when the young male spoke - he wasn't sure that he was going to and it almost felt like a small relief that one of them had broken the silence - albeit that said silence was a beautiful thing, in this place.
He mulled the question Var had asked him over. It was personal, but not too much so, and did not demand a true answer he supposed, had he not wanted to give it. The shrine, though, seemed to give him the confidence to reply in truth - knowing that this was a place that things could be said which might seem odd under other circumstances.
"Guidance. Maybe. I think I am looking for myself." His words had an odd tone - not like the other wolves nearby (who sounded different from most of the Aves pack as it was) - but even more exotic, in a way. Quin had been born far off, and had learned to talk in another tongue until chance had thrown him far from home onto a shore where those who comfoted him did not speak in a language he understood. It had only been the calm and careful treatment by a female whose words could penetrate his very mind that had helped him overcome that initial shock and try to find his way amongst these northern wolves.
His tone in return was as hushed as Var's own. "And you?" The tone was not demanding, but left with a note which said that he was open to any ideas. Quin did not think of himself as a 'listener' but his quiet nature and shyness about talking because of his odd accent meant that he often did end up listening. He had become used to listening for the changes in cadence which marked when others did not mean the words they said - a useful skill when you barely understood the words, nevermind the subtleties of humour or sarcasm.
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Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 6:01 am
Var frowned, not at Quin but at himself. "Something like that. It's been... a day." He glanced at the bushes again. "And it's just getting longer."
The feeling, even being at the shrine, wasn't waning the way he had hoped it would. Something in him was suggesting he focus on the magical instead of the physical, regardless of how well he was doing without it. His siblings all seemed to be fine, so he had to assume the problem lay not with the pack, but with him. Blazing sky, Orion had found his guide already! His siblings couldn't be too far behind. Cora was a blusterer about her pursuit of her guide, but she kept getting this look in her eyes sometimes when she would fall silent-- not that he saw her much, since she spent more time with her father than with her mother and brothers-- that told Var she was close. He couldn't explain it, he just knew that's what it was even if she didn't know it yet (and he couldn't say she didn't). Chalk it up to knowing his siblings.
He didn't seem to realize how long he had fallen silent again, and picked up his sentence where he had left it. That Quin was close to his father had been forgotten in his distraction, or he may have chosen to censor himself further. "I was hoping being here would take the shadows off, or that I could at least ask for help in putting them back where they've been for the last few months. Forgotten. The first part of that plan doesn't seem to be working though." No. In fact, it was worse now, because he was remembering why those sojourns into the forest, when he was supposed to be home and safe in the cave, had been so important. That wasn't a great help to his hunting abilities.
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Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 6:23 am
Quin nodded at the enigmatic reply and did not disturb the young male as he seemed to regress into some memory or other. To be here was to bring ones thoughts to the surface - and overlying Kevarian's expressions was something of a confusion of emotion. Quin remembered being his age - the uncertainty. His own adolescence had been wrought with guilt, full of feelings he didn't understand and even now he kept deep inside; filled with the unsure call of a vast wilderness, with the uncertainty of life and his place in it. He had left the second place he had called home and headed, of his own volition, into the unknown. To him, adolescence was a time of searching and considering oneself. It was odd to see it in another - especially one he had not expected such deeps thoughts from, to his shame.
When the young male stirred, his words seemed to resonate inside Quin's head, turning around and echoing. "Shadows?" he asked aloud, barely holding in the multitude of questions he suddenly had. It seemed serendipity was playing a part in their meeting - the pair of them here to deal with something which haunted them - whether it was some physical manifestation of a spirit or simply the fleeting, dark emotions of a troubled teen, Quin could not know for sure but it, and what he had learned from Kalain, made him sensitive to the tones employed and the possibility that that was more than the existential angst of the young.
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Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 6:50 am
Kevarian nodded absently, his eyes seeing something beyond Quin in his own mind. His speech now was different: darker, quieter, slower, as if he was reaching for some thought that was just barely evading him.
"It felt different. Like things used to. It wasn't the boar. I don't know why that started it. Then everything was..." A shiver ran through his pelt, and he almost blinked as his sentence was forgotten. The wind kicked up a bit and rifled his fur. "The way it turned--"
The thought slapped him and dove away, back into the recesses of his mind without giving him anything to work with, reverting Kevarian to the real world. He stared at Quin for a moment, blank as if he were trying to recall who Quin was, and the change in his face was immediate. Warded, blocked, cool staring hiding adolescent over-reaction. Even though he was close to being an adult mentally, he was still a teen in many respects and it did drive some of his reactions yet.
"Hunts can get intense, huh?" He smiled slightly to try to lighten the mood he'd created. The trinkets on the tree drew his eyes again and he let them caress the edge of a feather here, the curve of a stick there.
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Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 7:40 am
Quin's feelings went out to the young male as he saw the change - from a brooding undertone to the quickly reconstructed facade. He wondered what it was that ashamed him so about his feelings - it did not seem so odd, amongst this pack. His words made little sense to the older male, but the tone of them suggested a similar search to Quin's own. A creature, fleeting glances, something not understandable. He took note - he was sure Kalain would wish to know of his young son's unusual experiences though he was also not sure if he should pass on such a thing, said here in the 'comfort' of the tree. Perhaps he could pass on his sense of concern, if not the actualities? He'd have to think on it further.
"Intense. Yes, sometimes I think so, though I am not so good a hunter" Quin smiled self-deprecatingly. "You have spent a lot of time with your mother hunting? I have not seen you at your father's den for a long time". He had been away, of course, but the absence of the males of Kalain's litter was noticeable. Perhaps he wouldn't have to mention Var's discomfort if the young male himself could be persuaded to seek guidance himself.
His own eyes followed Var's to the tree and a small sigh escaped him as it always did when he looked at the beauty of this little glade with its prominent decoration. It really was peaceful, a beautiful place to think and a mysterious, special place at night or during ceremonies. A gift of his own was up there - a dark, black feather pressed between two twining branches, in the hope that it might bring him some luck in his search.
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Posted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 8:08 pm
"It's what I can offer to the pack. We all must be productive. My sisters are interested in my father's path, and my brothers are hunters. I went one way, and now that I'm older I'm realizing I am better at hunting than I expected to be." That, at least, brought a small, proud smile to his face. "So I went the other way. I think Mom is happy with me too. It just means I don't spend much time at Dad's den. He has my sisters to keep him company." Kevarian shrugged slightly. "It's not like I never see him, just not often."
He watched Quin's face, studying the markings and what expression he could discern on it. It was probably just a casual comment, the way it sounded, but Var felt like the implication was something more. Of course, that might just be because he expected his father to always be saying two things in one sentence. Var looked away from the other male and shook his head slightly at himself. He was more relaxed, and the strange... look everything had taken was fading fast if not entirely gone.
He thought he should offer something to the tree. Make a talisman of his own to hang in the tree to ask for guidance, for help. His pink eyes darted to Quin again. Maybe his prayer had already been answered, without a token for the tree. He was being talkative already-- not that he wasn't a talker, but this much all at once? Not usual of him-- so what was a little more?
He didn't realize he was staring at Quin as he thought, even though he was aware he was looking right at him. The two thoughts didn't connect, even after he started talking like nothing odd had happened and acknowledged he was now openly focused on Quin. "Jove and Mom took us out to hunt not long before dawn broke the horizon, something a little larger than usual they said. Orion scented the boar before I did, not that I can blame him for being good." A smile flickered over his face in recognition. "We fell into place the way we had been taught to. It's getting instinctive now, so Mom and Jove barely need to keep an eye on us while we move."
The wind rustled something that clicked together, and Var glanced briefly at the tree. "We were upwind, but I think it knew we were coming. Tolero startled it, flushed it out for the rest of us. It was definitely alarmed, reared back." He looked into Quin's eyes directly, some odd look, some spark, in his eye. "Twisted like a prey beast. And it just hit me. I stumbled without realizing I did it, but the rest were committed and I don't think they noticed, especially since I recovered after. After that it was a perfect kill, with a few near-injuries. I stepped up with the rest of them to share in the kill, but everything was..." His eyes unfocused briefly, but only for a split second. "Odd again. I can't explain what it's like, and even if I did I don't think you would understand it. I stopped eating and looked up, then stepped back from the group to see what they looked like just then.
"I knew they had noticed, or at least Jove had. He was looking at me over the boar, a strange look, like I had done something not right. I'm sure Mom knew too, but she didn't acknowledge it." He gave a small shake of his head as he spoke to punctuate his words.
When he frowned he dropped his gaze to Quin's muzzle. "It reminded me of something I'd forgotten about, and almost reminded me of something I can't grasp. I came here to try to clear my head. I guess I hoped this place was strong enough to help with whatever that was." He shook his head. "I can't be a hunter if I'm going to put my packmates into trouble whenever a beast turns a particular way. And the rest... shouldn't have come up at all. It had nothing to do with it."
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Posted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 8:44 am
As Quin listened to Var he got the feeling that there was an almost uncanny parallel between their situations. Perhaps he was reading into it a bit much, but the young male's striving for understanding felt so akin to his own that the older male's heart went out to him. It wasn't easy, feeling this way... His only redemption was that he had realised that it might be caused by something other.
He wondered, for a moment, whether their both being here together at this time was more than a coincidence. The pack was small and wolves usually only dropped by occasionally and not for long. That the two, with such similar things on their mind, should come at the same time... Perhaps this was another function of the tree. Not necessarily a supernatural one, but simply that those with problems might come and stay for a while, might then come across others who also had reason to be a supplicant to it's luck and watchfulness.
Perhaps, in a way, the tree allowed for a stronger bond. Under its caring branches, one could get things out into the open which might seem a little odd under normal circumstances - even more normal things, petty angers or long-term nagging issues. Noone would fight at the tree - you just wouldn't.
"It is good to be useful" he wanted to be useful, too. He felt, sometimes, like he wasn't holding his weight around here - especially given how much care and attention he was given whilst he had been recovering. This was a pack that did not spare it's affections or gifts. His eyes flicked back to Var. It really did sound as though the younger male ought to see his father - as though he wasn't so sure about his path as a hunter and other gifts, perhaps, were coming to the fore.
"A hunt is always a team, when it is not a team, you only have to worry about yourself - not every wolf must be perfect every time" he thought about Mu'sha and Jove - both consummate hunters who prided themselves on the skill of their kills and frowned a little. "Is it that you are worry.. worried? That your skill does not yet match your mother or is it this memory of yours that hurts your mind?" his wording wasn't perfect - but Quin tried the best he could to communicate his thoughts.
One thing he was becoming sure on - he wanted 'make it better' for the young male - something, perhaps, about his own unsettled younger life which made him want to spare another the tumult.
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Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 7:14 pm
Kevarian looked at Quin intensely, the male's stumble reminding Var that Quin wasn't from anywhere near here. Though he was pack now, he was a stranger. He hadn't grown up with Aves's ways the way Var had, and in a way that gave him an advantage in this conversation. He doubted Quin viewed things quite the way he did, which meant a unique perspective, one not clouded by the pack's spirituality or rules.
"I'm skilled enough. I'm a good hunter," he defended. "It's just... I don't know what it is." He altered his sentence after a pause, obviously changing his mind or losing the wisp of thought that would have finished the sentence.
He let out a low growl of frustration. Quin might offer help no one else could, but he was still Kalain's wolf, and Var wasn't sure he was ready to bring up what that boar had really reminded him of. "I don't know. There was something familiar in it that I couldn't place. Something that shouldn't have been special but it was."
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Posted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 6:57 am
"You came to the tree for help, yes?" Quin asked, taking a slightly different tack, wondering how he could put the young male's mind at ease. He did believe that Var would be best going to Kalain but, then, the shaman was his father and such a powerful figure in the pack that the young male might feel intimidated. His frustration, at least, was obvious now.
He paused, hesitant to say exactly what he was thinking. "I would like to help you Var, if I can. I grew up with no-one to talk to, no-one to help when I did not know what to think" his mouth curled up at the edges, slightly, in a self-mocking smile. "If I can help you I would like to know. No-one else needs to, if you're scared." Quin himself knew what it was like to hold something close to his heart and not be able to tell another soul, for fear of others finding out - even those who might have been sympathetic...
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Posted: Sat May 15, 2010 12:15 pm
"I'm not scared." He said flatly. "And the tree doesn't seem to be doing much good."
That wasn't true. He knew it even as he said it. He'd felt at peace once he had let his mind wander free over his memories, and the surprising presence of Quin alone should have been clear proof that the tree was offering him an option. Really, he didn't want to talk about it. Kalain's wolf. Kalain's. His father was a figure in the pack that Var no longer felt close to. In some ways, he was more afraid of his father than what he didn't understand about the strangeness of the hunt. His father who had magic, something Var had wanted as a pup. His father who he felt would know, in a glance, that Var's spirit was out of balance. That he hadn't heard so much as a peep from his spirit guide. That he was coming up on adulthood-- no. He had time, he wasn't going to let a little extra time turn him into a flighty female pup.
He slowly slid into a laying position, then glanced at Quin again, his pink eyes a little less hostile, but no less frustrated with himself. "You wouldn't say anything to the rest of the pack about this, would you? What I said here, in the shrine? Not even to Kalain."
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Posted: Thu May 20, 2010 1:30 pm
What a stupid thing to say to an adolescent male, he berated himself. Even if he was, that wasn't the way he should have brought it up. Quin's vocabulary was still expanding - adding more detailed terminology which he picked up from the intelligent wolves around him, but even so sometimes his word choices just failed.
His brows came down in a light frown. "I didn't mean fear like... like... running from lightning. I mean, meant worry, hurt inside. I'm sorry my words aren't always clear" It was cheap to use his accented speech as an excuse, perhaps, given how much better he was getting, but he didn't want the young male to misunderstand him.
As Quin watched Var, he could sense the conflicted thoughts inside - not on any supernatural basis, but simply in the way the young male held himself, the way he expressed himself, his near-anger against the concept of the tree, though it was obvious that he didn't really believe his own harsh words. The phrase: 'been there, done that' would have been on his lips if he had come across it before.
He was only a little surprised, then, when Var's words admitted there was something he was holding secret. Not a word to anyone else, not even Kalain? Although he was sure the young male should probably talk to his father, Quin was not going to force that route upon him. Imagine if the same had been true for him?
"Kevarian, I promise that any words you say here will stay here and within me only" he said, trying to get across the fact that he wanted to be supportive of this other, hurting soul. "Not to the pack, not to Kalain" he added, quietly emphatic.
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