Yes more relationship troubles... story of my life.

Here's the thing. It's been 2 weeks as of tomorrow since my boyfriend dumped me. I still can't sleep at night and my heart hurts. It's bad enough that I miss him so much but I am just so frustrated right now. I know this is all my fault. When I told him I might have to work weekends till the summer and I wouldn't be able to visit him, he told me not to worry, that he knew we would make it through. Then as we were lying in bed at his dad's cottage one night. He turned to me and asked me what I would do if he got sent on a tasking for 6 months. Well it caught me way off guard. And I started to cry. I asked him how can he not be worried about this, and he said he was optimistic. But the next day I was depressed because I misread his optimism for a lack of caring. Eventually we talked a bit more, I cried a lot more, and we decided we'd talk about it when we got home but then I felt much better. But that day he started to look upset. When I asked him what was wrong he said he was still really sick and that he was tired. I should have said something. I knew what was bothering him. I didn't want to push him to talk anymore. Since we agreed we should wait till we're home.

When we got back home he dropped me off at my house and left to unpack his things and get some sleep. I wanted to relax with him but I didn't say anything. I hate inviting myself over to people's houses. The next day I went skiing with my mother. She dropped me off at the doctors after that and Marc picked me up when I was done. He looked really sick. I put my hand on his lap and asked him what was wrong. He started crying and said he's been doing a lot of thinking and thinks we should break up. He said it's impossible for us to work out because of his job, it'll never work in 3yrs time and at that point it will hurt so much more to break up that we might as well do it now. I was in such shock, that when I finally managed to say something, it was just hysterical. Begging him not to do this and asking what I could say to change his mind.

Well after he drove off, and I had a good cry, and it really sunk in and I started thinking clearly again. I thought I HAVE to talk to him , I need to tell him that I KNOW we can make it work that my lil breakdown was just a moment of weakness. I HAVE to explain that to him. And I NEED him to understand that I would never ask him to give up the military for me. But when I tried to contact him he wouldn't answer my calls or return my texts or respond to my emails. He left for his base 700km away without giving me any kind of chance.

This weekend is a long weekend and he should be home to celebrate easter with his family. I think if I could just get 5 mins with him, to get that off my chest. Not saying that I want to convince him to change his mind but just make him hear what I need him to know. Then I feel like I could finally move on with my life. And maybe stop dwelling on all the mistakes I made.

So I'm thinking about asking him one last time and if he refuses to answer me than showing up at his house. If he won't come to the door then I will leave a handwritten letter with what I wanted to say and pray that he reads it. At least then I will know that I tried everything