Welcome to Gaia! ::

memories can be good or bad here my bad memories is losing a few loved ones my grandmother 2 of my cats

yes it sad to lose a member

Im like you guys in a sence , and not also. i have lost loved ones. most people in the world has.

there is this one other thing through, and i feel really guilty about it.

i just had a really crap day and i want to get somethings of my mind. so here goes.

I wont post all of it - since its pretty gross and i wont say any names couse maybe some people know who im talking about.

Anyhow in high school i had a really bad group of friends and they used me and treated me very badly. so evently i wanted to get out of the group once for all you know how it is. anywhere once the opuituney come i took it. One of the disiblity people in a caple of greads/year a head of me had a a rumor about her thats was going around the school. the rumor was about a video on youtube (i wont explain anymore about the video --so lets just leave it about that okey). The LEADER of the group heard of the rumor and told it to everyone in our group . and after that they start calling that person names -- it was really bad. now i was kind of friends with that person, and sometimes i hang out with her. anyway after the name calling was over my friends told me to go to a canteen and get them stuff. so i did, once i was there i saw that person (the one in the rumor and my friends called her names) at the canteen and i told her everything my friends told me. She didnt blame me she blamed my friends (or ex-friends now days). once my friends find out, they said they couldnt trust me anymore. it was the answer i wanted. i left but allmost stright away was called back by THE LEADER. she told me that even through i wasnt OUT OF THE GROUP--witch was what i wanted--and that was it, i broke down lost the rest of my self-confidiance.

I ruin my one ture friend in high school friend, and the rest people i hang out with didnt trust me. I hurt everyone that ever loved me - then and now days.

Back then i DID have some self-cofidence. but when the leader of the group told me that i couldnt be trusted...i just snap i didnt have any elsteem left.

but...i did all that bad stuff becouse around that time people start asking me what my friends where up too. first it was the class and i could handle that but then the teachers and then the prsitable. and i couldnt handle the pressure and im gussing but i recound that no one could. i know that sounds like i am justifying my actions but back then i WAN'T that sort of person. but doesnt meen that i still dont feel sick about what i did...

anyway to rap it up it took me almost five years to get some self-confidence back. and now days i have WAY better friends...but yes it took me a while before i could trust them..but i told them why i didnt have any self confidece and they understand too..since they had hard high schools to.

No im the sort of person that for a long time was scread to try. and now that i am i just wish people would give me a chance to prove myself, to myself and my family.

Well once you create a certain impression on people it's hard for them to change their opinions of you...besides what do you want to prove?and for what purpose?

I is wyrd-minded 4laugh

so wat u gonna do?

good plan 4laugh