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Things had been carefully considered, carefully combed through from every angle. There had been a lot of time for contemplation lately, the nightmares kept the teen up almost every night in desperate avoidance of the horrible scenes played out in her mind. For poor Linarite, however, there was an even more horrible scene she was being forced to play out in her sleepless state. As with everything in her life, it was tied to Sailor Castor. Well, almost everything. Lightly, she ran fingers over the scratches and bruises trailing over her neck and collarbone where Audrey's father had wrenched her hands off her windpipe. Apparently sleeping was also now dangerous. But dangerous was becoming second-nature now.

The ultimatum had been clear after her promotion, as she lay on the ground gasping and panting from the sheer amount of power funneled through Linarite's tiny body for the transformation to Captain. For senshi, it was just unlocking a new level of power - uncomfortable but not debilitating. For the Negaverse, it was steeped in pain and blood. Beryl had grabbed her by the hair and lifted her cruelly. 'Castor or you. Choose, my patience is wearing thin.' There'd been no more needed to be said. She had failed by allowing Tanzanite to go alone, for being involved in the first place. Now, she had to fix her failure, or die for it.

It was a painful lesson to learn, in so many ways.

So now the bluenette was sitting under the stars, knees hugged up to her chest, the familiar wood of their bench against her back. It was nearly spring now, March was frolicking out like the lamb in the saying and in the clear nighttime air next to the park you could almost smell the flowers blooming. Daisies would be popping up soon. But she wouldn't be here to see them. Looking to the moon, and then away, the captain prayed so hard that he would show on the first night of her vigil, and spare her the painful wait.

If there was any God, he would show.

As the first whispers reached her ears, Linarite squeezed her eyes shut and almost laughed with the bitterness of a wish finally fulfilled far too late. Almost without thinking, the bluenette rose from the bench and all but ran to throw herself into the arms of the super senshi. Arms closed tight around his waist and she shook her head before burying it in his chest. "No, no that was me. I had some bad dreams, and I guess I was strangling myself...my parents flipped. Please don't tear my arms off, I need them right now." Bad start, horrible start, awful start. She was supposed to be ripping his life out, not clinging to him like he was life!

Evident now was the fact that her outfit had changed entirely, the potion and Hammer hanging over exposed decolletage while her sleeves were closer and even exposed skin at the wrist. It only made more starkly evident the fact that she was almost pale as a ghost, though her dark honey eyes shone up at the senshi with a smile. "I'm sorry I ran last time. I'm so sorry, I didn't know what to do...what to think." Curls shook with her head as she poured out her regrets. "But everything is ok now. Right?" She searched his face, looking desperately for some measure of comfort, something familiar in the senshi's expression.

Begging him to lie to her.

Speaking of standing? Linarite wasn't sure she could do that without hanging onto something, her choice of 'something' being Castor himself. Panic had risen as he had told her that no, things were not alright, and for a moment she had almost thought he was dragging her away to his friends. Sleeplessness and nightmares had made her panic, but oh, how wrong she'd been to doubt his intentions! With each word, each soft kiss, her blood heated a bit more until the captain thought her bones might melt from it all, and certainly in her chest her heart was nothing more than molten lava. Soft little happy sounds left her lips, whispered declarations of her own love, which had previously only been mentioned as a possibility and was now a certainty. Only the mention of her new status inside the Negaverse recalled even a modicum of thought and even as her eyes shone with a fierce love and desire to do nothing more than cling to the senshi, she pulled back a bit and twirled lightly to show off the new uniform.

"I hated it originally, but now?" Deep eyes sparkled almost as mischievously as his own. She had a job to do, and she knew it. But here in the shadows, nobody could tell what they were doing and she was going to pull all that she could from it first. Weak? Absolutely. But she loved, and when she loved, she loved so very much. Hopping lightly, she threw her arms around his neck and hauled her down so that she could kiss him again, all but beaming as he held her close and suspended off the ground. "I want to see anything you want to show me. I have all night, I am placing myself even further into your hands. I missed you, I missed this so much." When the night was over, she would say goodbye. Wouldn't she? She dearly hoped so, for both of their lives.

It was something that she'd considered many times, what if she had told Tanzanite that she had no idea how to find Castor? Would Tanz still have her human arm? Would she be a captain, forced to do this thing that would break her heart? Half in her heart, she was hoping that when the time came, he would be the one to take a life and not her. Linarite had always been selfish that way.

It was a new and stunning barrage of sensations, so many at once that she couldn't sort them out or control the reeling of her heart and mind inside her. Personal desire fought duty, fought common sense so that Linarite was clinging to Castor and burying her face against him as he ran through the night. Nobody had ever done this before, picked her up and held her so tightly and so carefully, like her falling or even letting go was something so absolutely intolerable. She was, for lack of any other word, precious. When he spoke of abusing the privilege she'd bestowed upon him, the bluenette simply shook her head and kissed his cheek as the city flew past them. It wasn't any more complicated to her than three words - "I trust you." And of course she did, he wouldn't hurt her now, not any more than she was about to hurt them both. A heart could only break so much and even as her swelled, it was only the pieces that had remained from where their separate lives had shattered it so cruelly.

When he talked about running away, remaining at her side for eternity, she could have wept with the irony. Had the queen still been asleep, it might have worked. Linarite might have quietly disappeared as she revealed the identity of Audrey Collins to the senshi, Charonite would have potentially let her go. But the queen? Beryl would satisfy herself by ripping the teen from wherever she hid, anywhere on Earth as soon as they noticed she was missing. It would also have put her family in danger, and did she truly wish to have their lives on her love? No, for that would only poison and kill it, Lina could never forgive the deaths of her innocent and beloved family. So though she clung to Castor with all her strength, her voice was wistful and longing. "I wish it were possible. I wish there was a place somewhere that we could hide and she would never find me. Never find you." The panic and terror at her mission rose again, showed in her eyes as honey met ocean at close range. "I never ever want her near you again. It terrifies me to think that you've been so close to the queen. She scares me, she scares me so very much..." The last was said in a whisper, words that Linarite had never uttered before.

Disloyalty was punished with death, and though fear of the queen was something considered healthy and a survival instinct, it certainly was not something you ever admitted to out loud. "I wish we could give this up, and let the world go to hell. As long as we were together, it wouldn't be so bad, right?" Foolish dreams for a foolish child. "It'd just be us alone somewhere on a mountainside, eating bears or something. Can you wrestle bears? I think you could." Castor could do anything, but survive her. She would be the death of him, but it was better this way. As he only held her closer, in her heart, she tried so hard to believe it.

Linarite had always been proud of the fact that she was a logical, rational person. In the past if you'd asked Audrey Collins about her friends she would simply scoff and say that she had no time nor any need for a gaggle of dramatastic young women who were generally vain and stupid. Boyfriends? Who needs them?! She was graduating from high school a year early because she'd avoided such trivialities and was going on to a good college when some kids were wasting time in preparatory schools like Sovereign Heights. But at that exact moment, with Castor's love beaming at her like the sun, she hated everything she was so very much. Hated that she knew his promises could never come true, that if he was forced to kill his comrades that he would slowly come to hate her for it. That they could never be together because the queen would rather them dead than happy. But maybe...maybe he didn't have to die. Maybe she could bring him back, corrupt him. Surely the queen did not hate him so much?

On that hillside, with the lights of the city below them like they could simply reach down and gather them up, strong arms around her and a soft, loving voice in her ear, Linarite wished so much that she was the sort of girl to follow her heart. Certainly it was ready to consume her, if her mind would simply get the hell out of the way. Turning in his arms to look up, she gave herself a moment to drown in the tender love, returning it all in her helpless gaze before her eyes glistened with tears. "I'm not a star. I'm not worthy enough to be a star, not like you Castor. I'm like....like a black hole. I only destroy things, but only because you have to break things before you can fix them." Conviction was strong in her voice. "I...God." Words were so hard to come up with, always so hard to find when they mattered so much!

"I don't deserve this Castor, but I want it so badly. I want you so badly, to love you forever and show you how very much I love you." Why did love hurt so much? Was this the universe's way of testing her? Was she not supposed to love? God, she wanted so badly to be a simple girl again, with simple problems! "What if we can't find a way?" What if the way was blocked? Blocked by her own orders. No, she couldn't do it yet. Not yet. She had to make him understand first!

Softly her lips came to rest against his once more before slowly the tears started to track their way down her face. They could have been in a hole somewhere for all that she saw the beauty of the city beneath them. Leaking down her cheeks and dripping down of the edge of her chin to dot the uniform below, Linarite's eyes could not tear themselves away from Castor's face. "I know. Anything but that. You will not, I cannot. What can we do? What should we do?" The last came out as a whisper and she simply rested her forehead against his chest and simply clung tightly. She could feel it, the power that radiated out of his chest and if she just brought her hand around...no. Not yet! Her heart was screaming it over and over while her mind resisted and all but begged her to end this conflict where it should have ended months ago.

Castor had to die. If he would not corrupt himself willingly, she would have to bring his seed to the queen and pray that she would force the issue. Linarite could not, would not believe that she would hold so much a grudge as to refuse the use of a super senshi for their cause. He wouldn't remember anything, so there would be nothing to forgive and maybe one day....maybe one day everything would be okay again. He said he would do his best to make it okay, Lina just had to push them that step further. "Castor...what if I had a solution?" Her voice was tentative, soft, fearful. It was not a good solution.

Releasing him, she wiped at her own eyes before pulling off her own gloves and stuffing them into some hidden part of her coat, her fingers resting against his skin for just a moment before she put her hands on his shoulders. Just a little lower, and she could just yank it out. No pain, no fuss, no nothing. Just a quick yank and it would be hers to do with what she pleased. But still, Linarite could never simply just kill the man she loved, no matter what her orders were. Castor had said he would fight for her, did that mean he would fight her to stay alive? To perhaps persevere long enough that one day they could be together? Foolish hopes. Foolish girl.

"Castor, please remember, more than anything I love you. Just remember that, okay?" Eyes locked and through her tears she took one step back, then two, more and more until she was out of the reach of his long arms. Hands raised in front of her body like she was holding something and Mindstopper appeared in her grip to be twirled lightly. "I've graduated from hammers. Please, forgive me." It was all she could do, was beg his forgiveness for what she was about to do. To know that given a choice, she wouldn't have done it. Dimly, the bluenette could have sworn she heard the pieces of her heart crush into even finer pieces as she lunged forward and swung the staff at the senshi's midsection.

Hopefully he would fight. She prayed so hard that he fought her.

She'd gotten better. These weren't the clumsy swings that she'd so carefully tossed at Dorado, nor the overpowered ones that had felled so many humans in that bookshop before the neon-haired Sailor Pythia had lured her away long enough to evacuate. Linarite had learned how to use her weapon and was employing any tactic she could against the Senshi of Hail. It wasn't easy as he evaded and her tears grew thicker, until she was wildly and simply seeking only the light colors of his uniform to know where to lunge. It was crazy, the building was not very large for all that it was tall and age was showing in the roof where several cracks and chunks of the roof ledge were scattered about. More than once she nearly tripped, but grimly moved on.

His words destroyed her utterly, affirming his love and forgiveness for the woman who was so fiercely trying to end his life. Audrey, who had proudly declared that she never cried and no one had ever seen her cry, was all but sobbing with anger, frustration, and heartbreak as tears ran off her face in a warm sluice. "You have to stop me, Castor. I won't give up, and I know you won't just let me take your seed. You won't betray your princess like that. Stop me!" It wasn't quite asking him to fight back, but it was all she could do. He couldn't just give up and let her take his seed, no matter how much easier that would be. She could take it to the queen then, demand he be corrupted, it would work so well! Growing desperate, Linarite drew in all the energy she could muster and in a split second was gone - had teleported.

A moment later, she was appearing again with a ragged gasp and swinging for the back of her love's head. If it connected, he would be unconscious, it would all be over. It had to be, for she had used the greater part of her energy for the move and would be unable to now fight in the same vein as before. If she was honest, and had been with any other senshi, this would have been a do or die maneuver. She simply no longer had the energy to save herself, and certainly was not sure if she had the will.